Are You Turning Into a Mean Girl?
posted on June 19, 2012 at 4:31 am
We’ve seen it over and over again on television shows and movies: Cliques led by backstabbing girls and sabotaging BFFs looking to forward their own agendas. Girls being mean and catty is the norm, it seems.
The following scene from Mean Girls is a prime example.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awow8HpWNcg
But are these depictions actually the truth? Are girls and women really this mean to each other in real life? Apparently not!
A recent study by non-profit organization Catalyst focuses on women in the workplace. It concluded that women are not focused on competing with female subordinates to get ahead, nor are they sabotaging their “minions’” in an effort to succeed. Instead, they’re choosing to mentor them and help develop their talents.
The notion that women executives are Queen Bees who are unwilling to support other women needs to be put to rest (Ilene H. Lang, President & CEO, Catalyst).
So why does the media continue to portray ambitious girls and women as catty, when the reality seems to be the opposite?
Some believe it’s all a distraction or a conspiracy set up by the opposite sex. For example, if girls focus on destroying other girls, then boys or men can focus on their own successes without competition. But I’m not so sure this analysis is the case.
Maybe it’s the media that has the agenda. Their depiction of girls being mean in order to further their own cause could just be an ingredient to add spice to shows. It’s certainly more entertaining, it seems. A good “cat fight” often gets a lot more attention than girls getting along. And even in reality television, producers expect cast members to create controversy by backstabbing and behaving badly.
But is the media portrayal of successful women dangerous? Does it have a negative effect on young girls? Is it turning girls into mean girls, whether directly or indirectly? I don’t think these shows are having that effect consistently. But I do think these shows set a certain precedence, suggesting this is the way girls treat each other and that it’s okay.
In a previous post, Christian Girls Beware! Study Indicates that Reality Shows Affect Self-Image, I discussed another study that demonstrated that young “viewers believe that the shows are reflective of real life and that the antics, such as lying and being mean, are normal, acceptable, and ultimately the best methods for excelling in life.” If this is the case for reality shows, can fictional depictions of mean girls in television shows and movies also prove influential?
Unfortunately–or maybe fortunately–I’m no longer at school, so I can’t answer this question as it relates to teens. So I’ll put the question to you, PI ladies.
Ladies, what do you think about this study’s findings? Do you believe that girls are catty by nature? Are there mean cliques or catty girls in your school?
Image: Celebritywonder.com
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well im home schooled so i wouldn’t know but my cousin goes to school and she says their are lots of mean girls. She says she only has two real friends and the others are just fake “friends” because she knows how mean they are. I’m not sure if girls are catty by nature…. i’ll have to think on that one
I’m homeschooled too!! I dont know much about school drama, when i did go to a school i avoided all the mean girls and their drama. haha less headaches. I’m happy where i am. lol
Yes there are catty girls at my school! However, mean girls in fiction/reality T.V does not influence my behaviour in any way!
There are a lot of catty mean girls at my school, so I know where it’s coming from. I think when it gets to real life, however, everyone really gets a wake up call. They usually realize that’s not how they can act. It might be an accurate depiction for school age girls occasionally, but not for adult women. I think they mature by then.
in middle school due to hormones, i think yes.
Totally, there would be constant fighting 6th grade and it got so bad I got physically sick from it..
I have a few things to say. First, YEAH, like you’ve never said something mean or hurtful to someone. Right…Second, it mostly depends on how you were raised. It’s common sense that a girl whose parents have spoiled her as a child will end up thinking she is better than others. Third, I’ve seen over the years that mean girls start being “mean girls” at a VERY young age. I help out at a local VBS, and I see SECOND graders being “mean girls”. I tell you now, it doesn’t change AT ALL as you get older. It only remains as equally bad as when you were a child.
your right haley_nicole_4_christ. i see it all the time, like you i help out and vbs but with the 1 graders and it the same there but i pull them over and explain to them how thats not a nice thing to do. i’m in 7th grade and i have 2 friends who have been,well,jerks. one wear some of the most unmodest clothes i have ever seen, and the other just puts on a fake smile when i try to talk to her then makes an excuse to leave. and we been friends all the way back to kindergarten! man, i hate what middle school does to some people.
I think it’s very sad that you are only in 7th grade and have to deal with this. I have to say though, I don’t think girls are naturally mean. Instead, we’re growing up with all these messages that we need to defend ourselves, and we need to reach the top by any means necessary. I think, though, if a girl is exposed to the message that she can be who she wants to be, and help out as many other people as she can along the way, the cattiness won’t develop.
I think it’s much more common for girls to be mean and catty than boys (not to say there are no boys who are just as bad). I was targeted by the same girls from the age of six to the age of twelve (the only reason it stopped was because I because I pulled out for a couple of years). Because of that, I never underestimate the connivance of children, whether boys or girls. Never assume they are innocent just because they’re young.
One – totally forgot Amanda Seyfried was in that movie! She has come a long way in acting.
Second – yes some women are this catty, jealous and vile. That is why I have VERY few female friends.
I think the studies findings are great–as far as the women at their work getting along go. No, I don’t believe that most girls are catty by nature. I think its sort of a combo of how their parents raised them, what they see on TV (basically what society tells them they should be), or influence by other girls who think that being “mean girl” is cool.
I think as you get older, your ability to tolerate others gets better. There are still going to be certain people that you don’t like, but you learn to respect them.
At my school there are several mean cliques. The sad thing is that my school is a Christian private school. That being said, since it is private, you do have to pay tuition (which is very high). I am there on a scholarship basis, because my parents can’t afford to pay the school’s fees. Most of the girls that go there are there because their families are Christian, or they can afford to spend some extra money. Most of the girls in my class (18 of them) come to school with their hair looking perfect, wearing fancy clothes, hundred dollar shoes, getting their nails done every week.
Obviously, I can’t afford anything like that. I wear clothes from Goodwill and Walmart mostly. My hair looks okay, but I don’t have expensive and fancy gels to put in it. Most of the girls in my grade look down on me for it. There not mean–in fact they barely ever notice me! In fact, when we got out of school recently, they planned a trip and invited all but 4 girls in my grade (one happening to be me and my friends). They don’t go out of their way to be mean, they just purposely exclude us. The thing is, I’m certain some of them in the “popular” group are nice, and I try to talk to them, but whenever I and another girl from that group try to talk one of the “leaders” of the group will just yank her away and act like I’m not there.
I used to want to be one of them, but then I realized that I’d rather be with my true friends than anyone else
I used to
I do honestly believe that “viewers believe that the shows are reflective of real life and that the antics, such as lying and being mean, are normal, acceptable, and ultimately the best methods for excelling in life” is true to a point. It’s like the whole doing drugs thing–not everyone is doing it, but I would say 1 out of every 30 kids or so thinks this way. Yes I do believe that what girls watch and listen to on TV effects their everyday lives. I am good friends with a girl from one of my classes who is not even a virgin anymore, and I stood next to another couple of girls talk about something along the lines of “how they were going to dress in a slutty way at the party.”
I’m taking an educated guess here, that if you did a survey at a school and one of the questions was something like, “Do you think that the media–Radio, TV, and other forms of entertainment–have a big effect on your life,” most teens would answer, “no,” but I know those teens with a Christian background, or those who are smarter than some teens are, would say that, yes, the media has a huge effect of how we act. With songs telling people to party all the time, and have a good time, and all that other worldly junk, and TV shows like Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians that promote and show off a very unrealistic lifestyle for teen-aged viewers, yes, to an extent I definately would say that media does have a big influence on teens. Especially comercialism in a way, because there’s always that big hunger for the latest new gadget (phone/apple product/etc.) or designer jeans. I’m not saying commercialism as in advertisements on TV and in magazines, but teens delivering a message similar to “body language” of “you need this outfit!” or teens using their iPods or other fancy smartphones is enough to make me wish I had one. But I’m content on what I have because of my conservative lifestyle and conservative home setting.
Actually, this isn’t the media playing anything up at all. The movie was based off of a book called “Queen Bees and Wanna Bees,” and the author of that book actually leads an empowerment group for girls in my town, where she lives. I can tell you that much of what is in this book, and movie, is real in my area. The people live in massive houses, look glamorous all the time, have parties like that (ironically, freshman year I spent about 15 minutes at a Halloween party just like the one in the movie, if not worse. I’ll spare you all the details), and DO sabotage each other. I can tell you that just this year, during the fall, I had two girls–the only other girls in my grade– on my sports team that I’d been close famile friends with since we were toddlers lie behind my back and spread rumors about me, then woldn’t let me into their homecoming group after I asked them kindly three times. I couldn’t figure out why, though, because they’d been pretending to be nice to me.
I can promise you that I’ve seen things that girls have done to each other in this movie I’ve witnessed at my school. Maybe not the whole Burn-Book-Exposed thing, but I have unfortunately seen the truths in this movie.
And the “on Wednesdays we wear pink!” thing was true. It was a clique at my current school from like 9 years ago.
Yes, there are girls like that in my school. What I have noticed is that if someone has lots of money—or it seems that way— they hang out with people who get everything they want, turning them into mean girls. But they are also not mean- when you meet them alone- but when they are together, they are some of the rudest people there are at my school.
I don’t think its our place to talk abou them. They do not know Jesus. I think its important we see the deep side to it, is that Satan is really blocking them and using media to turn them into mean girls. Usually mean girls have a rough background or are just with the wrong crowd, so what we can do is just PRAY for them. They don’t know what they are doing. Satan is behind media and anything that influences bad behaviour
I would say that t.v does have some affect on girls, but not in the way that the study was testing for. Personally I think that (as Ms. T.M Gaoutte said)by portraying that some people being catty is how life is that it makes it look like the normal thing to do, and because of that some girls (and guys) will step right up to be “normal”.
Personally, I think that the way they portray the girls in the movie “Mean Girls” is exaggerated. The behavior is extremely fake, and I certainly haven’t seen it around (but this is just my personal experience). Even though there are certainly girls in the world who are rich, catty, spoiled brats, this is definitely a media stereotype that’s actually sort of sexist. Plus, I think that the point of the movie (and the book) is to show girls exactly how NOT to act. I’m not saying that watching it is good, though. I just think it might be a poke of humor at the “rich-blonde-pink” stereotype of girls, and that its entirely satirical.
I don’t watch shows or movies like that anyway, I’ve never cared for them, I personally don’t understand the appeal — my sister however is the opposite.
Shows, movies, or even books like that annoy me, they just seem very shallow.
Although I’m homeschooled now, I never experienced cliques or anything of the sort in the seven years I attended public school. Ironically, when I became homeschooled, all of a sudden, I was having so much friend and clique drama to deal with, it was pretty awful.
What’s worse?
These girls making me feel inferior were girls from my church. Homeschool. Group. Of all people! They would pretend to be my friend one minute, then suddenly turn their backs on me and exclude me from a circle (literally!).
Finally, I broke down and told one of the girls in the group (the only one who ever really treated me like a real friend), and ever since then, she’s tried to help me out and include me whenever possible.
I think the reason girls act this way is so they can feel ‘superior’. And supposedly, they try to exclude people because they’re afraid of losing their place in the clique. Now, this doesn’t excuse their behavior, but at least it puts some logic behind it.
I think the media overall- music, television, video games, etc- has to do with a person’s attitude and behavior. Well I don’t think, I know this for a fact. People who spend so much time caught up in these brainwashing songs and shows can’t help but to let that influence them. I know because I noticed a change in myself when I changed the things I watched on TV and changed the music I listened to. I even stopped hanging around some of my “friends” when I looked at them and asked myself “what was I doing with him/her?”
I feel like I’m turning into a horrible person. I keep judging people and I feel lots of envy! I hate these sins! I know this is NOT what Jesus wants me to do. He wants me to LOVE everyone! Advice please. I don’t want to be astray from Jesus or hurt anyone!
Monica, all I can tell you is to pray and ask the Lord to guide your thoughts and your heart. Stay in the Word of God everyday and talk to God when those kind of thoughts pop into your mind, ask Him to remove them and fill your mind with thoughts of love and thankfulness. Never forget that judging is God’s job and His alone, and when we start to feel ourselves judging others, we should turn to the Lord and ask for forgiveness. Satan will always try to corrupt your mind with thoughts like these, but don’t forget God is so much bigger and so much better than Satan. You aren’t the only one either, everyone has envious and sinful thoughts at times! I do too! That is why we need to stay close to God and seek His face alone always. You are not a horrible person if you’ve been changed by Christ! You are His child! He loves and values you very much. I will pray for you!
I believe girls are nice by nature, not catty. It seems at my school that my friends only acted this way after they had been watching a lot of TV shows. They were never that way before and haven’t been since a few months after they stopped watching the shows.
Trust me – when you get a group of girls together the cattiness eventually comes out. Try living with a large group of females for nine weeks. Yeah…cattiness is inherent in females.
I think that there are certainly mean girls in my school and all over, and I also think that they are all mean girls for different reasons. Whether that be influence by television, or maybe because of their own background and where they come from, I don’t know. Some of them may be mean girls because where they come from, it’s okay to act in that sort of way. And of course, it is sin in the world that is the main reason there are mean girls. Sin has corrupted the world and the minds of some girls into thinking its ok to be mean to others, which it isn’t. Hayley DiMarco wrote a book titled “Mean Girls” which is very good and everyone should read it when dealing with mean girls in life. Forgiveness and trusting the Lord is the key to dealing with mean girls!
I don’t think that girls are naturally like that. some act this way because they may feel like if they cant put another person down, they will be the one to loose in the end. reality Tv shows don’t care what young girls think about it, they just want them interested for the money. and yes, there are girls like this almost everywhere. its really scary actually to see what the media is protraying about women and girls
I have always stereotyped the “popular” girls as mean, judging, non-Christian, and extremely shallow. But now I realize that at my new school that really isn’t the case. I’ve found out that most of the “popular” girls go to church, are mostly nice and not really shallow. Sure, I’ve heard other people calling some of the more popular cheerleaders “sluts”, but I really think that they only said that because of jealousy, and I used to hate the “populars” because of jealousy, but with God’s help I know I’ll start to get over it.
I think that there are some girls who are born leaders, and if anyone is apposing their leadership, they’ll do whatever is in their power to try to make them. This can sometimes be taken for being mean. And sometimes, that is what it can turn into, but the media morphs girl interactions into vulgar catfights, and I do not like the lies!!!!
I think what the media shows is definitely quite extreme… but it is still a reflection of reality.
I look at those “mean girls” in the media and see it as an example of what NOT to do!
To be honest its not all media. growing up i never ever got a long with girls with that being said im now twenty years old with three really good friends who are are women! I dont necessarily want to blame it all on the bedia because growing up girls were lways fight over petty things nd i never understood why maybe uts true it all depends on the type of environment yuh grow up in because i had only three brothers an growing up it was three of us girl cousins with six boy cousins including my brothers. I wasnt a girl who cried when i had gotten a scraped knee if anything us girls were quite the opposit we all played sports Nd were juzt as athletic as the boys. I even had a male coach ask me if i wanted to play football with the guys in high school but i was always still very feminine. Still did my hair nd dressed like a girl. I think i all women had a positive role model or set boundaries and goals there would be no “cattiness”.
I think we all have a nature to be sometimes,but we don’t do it to make others fail.
I don’t think we’re like this by nature. The media has a huge impact on the way girls act around people, the way girls dress, and their expectations in life. The way we’re raised influences us greatly. My parents were strict yet nurturing, and it worked well with my siblings and I. When we were younger, strangers would give us compliments by the way we acted. Unfortunately the media didn’t help me at all. I think it’s a root of my self esteem/confidence issues because I’ve always felt like I had to live up to these unrealistic standards. My family was a middle class, military family so we didn’t spend tons of money on clothes and whatever we wanted so we could “fit in”. Just recently I’d say we are now well off. So whenever people see my house, they’re all surprised because I’ve never acted like what people think “rich kids” act like. I know my identity in Christ now.
there are so many catty girls at my school. I go to a small private school and there are only about 50 people in my grade so when one person does something small, everyone knows about it. I hate watching reality shows or any other shows about mean girls who are bratty and obsessed with clothes. Anytime I do, I get so influenced by it that I have to be alone for 10 minutes otherwise I’ll get catty for no apparent reason and I end up getting grounded so I try to avoid those shows. I loved the movie mean girls because instead of having the protagonist be some lonely, helpless girl who gets bullied, it showed how even nice girls can turn into mean girls if they aren’t careful.
unfortunately I’m a mean girl
I do think that some girls can be mean, but I also think that this movie is pretty exaggerated.