Ask Aysha: “He Likes Me, But I Don’t Like Him Back. What Should I Do?”
Written by Aysha Ives | June 27, 2013
There is this boy who I know likes me. The problem is, I don’t like him back. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but I don’t want to date him, either. What should I do?
It’s frustrating when you like a guy and he doesn’t like you back, but what happens when it’s the other way around? How should you respond when a guy likes you but you don’t like him? This situation can be quite awkward and difficult to manage! So what should you do? Well, here are some tips to help:
- Be sure to set boundaries. If you don’t have any romantic interest in this guy, be sure that you keep appropriate boundaries. Avoid a lot of flirting, even if he flirts with you. You wouldn’t want to unintentionally lead him on.
- Be straightforward with him. If he asks you out, explain to him that you’d rather just be friends. Be gentle with his feelings but also be honest. The last thing you want to do is make up an elaborate reason why you can’t date him and run the risk of looking like you were being deceptive later on.
For instance, don’t tell the guy that you’ve decided not to date when that is not the truth. What happens if a couple of weeks later, a guy who you ARE interested in asks you out? Well, if you say no to that guy, then you could be missing out on a great relationship. However, if you say yes, then it could look like you were being dishonest with the other guy. Keep in mind, the guy who likes you would probably be more hurt by an untruth than he would be if you just have an honest “Let’s just be friends” conversation.
- Don’t use this as an opportunity to boost your own self-esteem! We often receive a boost to our self-esteem when guys demonstrate an interest in us, whether we like them back or not. This is normal! However, girls sometimes know that they don’t want to date a particular guy, but may encourage him to like her, anyway. That’s not cool! We should never jeopardize another person’s feelings as a means of boosting our own self-esteem!
- Pray. Be sure to pray before you have the “Let’s just be friends” conversation. The guy who likes you will probably be quite disappointed. Think about how it would feel if the situation was reversed. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help you to have the conversation with LOVE. Also, pray that the guy who likes you won’t be too crushed.
- Continue to be nice to him. It might be awkward between the two of you for awhile because he’ll probably be embarrassed about how the situation turned out. However, it’s really important that you still treat him with kindness and love. Try not to avoid him or act uncomfortable in his presence. Continue to have conversations with him and treat him the same way you treat your other friends. Be sure you continue to maintain boundaries so you’re not sending mixed messages, but be the kind, sweet person everyone likes and loves!
Unrequited love can be quite awkward! Have you ever had to turn down a guy who liked you? What was that like? How did you handle it?