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Love

Ask Aysha: “How Do You Know If the Love Will Last?”

How do I know if the love will last in a relationship?

I completely understand the apprehension many girls have about entering relationships. They wonder if it’s TRUE LOVE and are concerned that the love might fade over time. You watch your friends break up, or you might even overhear one (or both) of your parents saying their spouse isn’t the same person that he/she was when they got married. So how do you know if a relationship is founded on true love and if it’ll really last?

There’s a couple of things that you really should know about TRUE love. First of all, there are actually three types of love:

  • Eros: This is the warm and fuzzy feeling people experience when they first fall in love. It’s captivating and makes people feel like they’re walking on cloud nine. However, eros love is dependent on feeling and can dissipate when a person perceives that the other person has mistreated them in some way.
  • Philia: This is a kind of brotherly and sisterly love. You generally experience this type of love with friends, fellow church members and other people you like.
  • Agape: This is the all-encompassing love that will love even when people seem the most unlovable. This is the kind of love Jesus demonstrates and it’s the kind of love we should experience in marriage.

Romantic relationships based only on eros may eventually disintegrate because eros alone doesn’t have enough substance to sustain the trials and tribulations of a relationship. Although eros is important to keep the attraction alive, the only way for a relationship or marriage to survive the tests of time is if both partners choose to demonstrate the agape kind of love. This kind of love is best described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

The only way to experience this kind of love is if God is in the midst of the relationship. It’s really important to pray before entering into a relationship with another person. And once the relationship gets God’s approval, then it’s extremely important to stay in fellowship with God. GOD IS LOVE, so He has to always be the third chord in your relationship in order for it to prosper and bloom!

God created man and woman to be together in marriage so love is a beautiful experience. It can last a lifetime if both people are committed to God first and second to demonstrating the agape kind of love to his/her spouse.

So what does agape love look like to you?

More Stories Like This on Project Inspired:

Ask Aysha: “Is He Busy? Or Is He Just Not Interested?”
Ask Aysha: “I’m 17 and Don’t Want to Date! Is That Weird?”
Ask Aysha: “How Do I Stop Thinking About My Crush?”

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18 Comments

  1. kath660

    Posted by kath660 on July 12, 2014 at 18:23

    This begs one question with me: How will I know if God has given us a thumbs-up?

  2. katiebug1996

    Posted by katiebug1996 on September 29, 2013 at 13:23

    I like a guy (we will call him A).. but everyone says we wouldn’t get along in the long run. He can be annoying, but I still really like him and I KNOW he has a lot of potential. Even when I try to move on he comes back to mind. It has been years now. The only other guy that I have really liked and knew I could date without feeling pulled toward A, has a girlfriend and lives pretty far from me. What should I do (other than pray, I know I need to keep praying about it)?

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by BailliE on August 11, 2013 at 19:46

    This is wonderful! My first relationship was not a God ordained one. I am in my second relationship now and I still have my doubts in myself, but I really believe my boyfriend is a blessing from God. I sometimes think we talk ourselves out of good things God gives because we don’t feel worthy of them. I know that’s how I feel some times with my current relationship. I really like this article and how it explains love.

  4. Lilster

    Posted by Lilster on March 21, 2013 at 07:11

    I think I might love someone with agape love, but I don’t know if but idk if he loves me. Idk if he even likes me anymore. He said he did before, but lately he hasn’t talked to me very much. I know I love him because I’ve had plenty of reasons to quit liking him, I can’t. I seriously tried one time because back then he liked one of my friends (but she didn’t like him) and liking him hurt too much. That’s when I realized I didn’t just like him, or just love him as a friend, I really loved him. But I love him with agape. And it kinda scares me sometimes because.I know that despite telling myself that not to trust him and not to give too much of my heart away, I love him and can’t stop.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Jojo123 on May 13, 2013 at 14:49

      I had this problem before. I realized that I didn’t actually love him, I just felt I needed him. I wish I could explain the whole process I went through before/during/after him, but it took a long time before I gave him up. And when I did I realized that the whole situation was only benefiting him and was very unhealthy for me. I was a fallback, I was there for him.. He knew I would forgive him. Thank God I got out of that! 🙂 from what you’re saying, it seems like he really doesn’t like you 🙁 I’m sorry.. But there is someone who is absolutely perfect for you, and when God gives him to you you’ll be so happy that this guy didn’t work out

  5. jade12

    Posted by jade12 on March 20, 2013 at 19:41

    Maybe I should get my friends parents to read this article, but I think it will just make the dad and my friend cry even more than usual. My friends parents just got a divorce and its been really hard. I’ve been praying for them a lot because the wife is giving up on her relationship with God just because she felt that she was being judged often at church. She needs a lot of prayer. I just hope and pray that she finds her way back to God.

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by jesusgirl4life on March 20, 2013 at 18:02

    In the beginning of freshman year, I went into a relationship. It wasn’t bad or against any thing in God’s law. Actually, it wasn’t much, but I learned that it wasn’t fulfilling like I wanted it to be.
    I wanted to feel loved and happy. And I did. For a while, but then I started to wonder why I was there. I would never marry the guy so why was i spending my time pursuing a dead end?
    I recently went on an amazing retreat. It literally changed my life and I realized through so much incredible love from God and his children that the love I felt in prayer with them was so much more than I was getting with my past relationship.
    Basically, If you are going into a relationship first make sure that 1) you could see yourself marrying him one day 2) It is truly founded on the love of God, NOT just going to the same church.

  7. Posted by Nicole on March 20, 2013 at 12:26

    This is a great article! My husband and I always pray together, and our pastor recently said: “The couple that prays together stays together.” This is really true! I am so blessed to have agape love with Eric. Also, on his wedding ring it’s inscribed: “What God joins together let no man seperate.” 🙂

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by jesusgirl4life on March 20, 2013 at 18:04

      I love that quote! No man can do better than God, and God is truly the one who yolks you two together. Silly humans, thinking they know better.

  8. Grace_F

    Posted by Grace_F on March 15, 2013 at 14:40

    Sometimes love will get hard. You might wanna breakup with the person but yOu don’t have a good reason. I toughed it out in my relationship after we got out of the infactuation/honeymoon stage of dating. We addressed what was wrong and I love him so much! and even if it doesn’t mean it lasts forever, I am 15 and this is my 1st relationship and we have been dating for 6 1/2 months. So I must be doing something right 🙂

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Christiangirl4God on September 14, 2013 at 13:49

      I agree! I’m 15 going on 16 and my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. He is a Christian but he’s more free-willed I guess you could say because he didn’t really grow up in a Christian home. He is catholic and I am Protestant,but I don’t ink it really matters. Hes very loving and caring and I thank God for him. 🙂

  9. mkay77

    Posted by mkay77 on March 14, 2013 at 18:04

    I’m 14, and I JUST got out of my first relationship last week. It lasted 14 months, so you can imagine that I thought it’d last. But what I learned is that in that time, I strayed away from God during that time, so I think that He planned that breakup to give me a wake-up call, telling me that He should be my priority. So really, to sum this question up, I would say it in three “bullets”:
    1. Trust in God and your steady
    2. Remember that God should be your #1 priority
    3. Communicate with him regularly! (:

  10. yelloflwer

    Posted by yelloflwer on March 14, 2013 at 15:32

    Not only do you need to know what kind of love and what it entails, but you also have to know HOW to keep that love. It does not just HAPPEN like we would like it to.
    Communication, communication, communication. This is the most important thing in a relationship and one of the top things which many couples fail to work on. I’ve learned from my relationship (a long distance relationship which can ONLY consist and depend on communication until the Air Force grants him leave and he is able to come home for a short period of time) that communication doesn’t just HAPPEN. You must be open to sharing your heart with them in the most intimate of ways, trusting them to understand to the best of their ability, and they must reciprocate this in turn. You must grow and mature together otherwise you will grow apart. How do you do this? By TALKING and LISTENING.
    If your spouse isn’t the same person as you married there is a very simple explaination: people change! No one is the same person they were yesterday, one year ago, or five years ago! (etc). They experience things and their perspective on life changes! If you truely love them you will allow yourself to accept this change – accept them for who they’ve become.
    When you get married, you should not only be able to accept and love your spouse for who they are in that moment, but also for who they will become years from that moment. ACCEPTANCE. THAT is TRUE LOVE. THAT is how you know your love will LAST.