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Love

Ask Aysha: “Should I Kiss Him?”

I’ve been best friends with a guy for several years. I’ve had a crush on him for awhile, but he told me that he’d never be interested in dating me because I’m like his little sister. We didn’t talk at all during freshman year because of this but we’ve since mended our friendship. However, now he keeps asking me to kiss him. I told him I wanted my first kiss to be with a boyfriend, and he said, “Well, I’ll ask you out and dump you afterward.” He’s one of my best friends and he’s always there for me, but I’m not sure what to do. Help!

One of the things that I constantly remind myself of is this:

If it doesn’t feel right, then usually it isn’t.

God gives us intuition for a reason. If something doesn’t feel right, then that’s a sign we need to explore the situation a little more thoroughly. Sometimes our negative feelings about a situation are off, but usually they’re an accurate indicator that caution is needed. It sounds like this relationship should be maneuvered carefully.

Friendships and relationships with the opposite sex can be quite difficult to manage. Unfortunately, people sometimes struggle with boundaries and become focused on getting their own needs met, even at the expense of others. However, that’s the exact opposite of how Christians should conduct themselves! The Bible says this:

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too (Philippians 2:3-4).

Your guy friend knows that you’re interested in dating him and has made it clear that he wants to date other girls, yet he’s still asking you to be affectionate with him. This sounds pretty selfish! God wants us to be selfless so that we don’t hurt others.  Ask yourself, is your guy friend behaving in a selfless manner or is he trying to get his physical desires met at the expense of your emotional well-being?

It’s important for you to set the tone for all of your friendships and relationships. You teach others how to treat you by what you permit and what you disallow. Here are some suggestions to handle this situation:

  • REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE! You’re the King’s daughter and you deserve to be treated with respect. Always keep this in mind so that you respect yourself, carry yourself in a way that will require others to respect you, and most importantly, be the light that God has called you to be.
  • Be very candid with your guy friend. You should have a candid conversation with your friend. Explain to him that his advances make you uncomfortable and that his comments are even a little disrespectful. The conversation may be a little awkward at first, but you’ll let him know that you respect yourself and that you expect others to treat you with the same level of respect.
  • Distance yourself, if necessary. If your friend continues to make these comments OR if you feel that you like him so much that you may kiss him and regret it later, perhaps you should distance yourself from him for awhile.
  • Pray. Prayer is the foundation for our Christian life. Ask God for direction and strength to handle this situation appropriately. Also, pray for your friend’s relationship with Christ to grow as well.

Your first kiss should be a memorable and special moment. You shouldn’t allow your friend to take that away from you.

What do you girls think? Do you agree?

Psst! Want more “Ask Aysha”? Tune in to Aysha’s first live text chat TODAY, June 20, at 4:30 PM PST in the chat room!

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25 Comments

  1. chicken_chick

    Posted by chicken_chick on November 12, 2013 at 22:01

    Great advice! Guy sounds like a real jerk to me. -_- I’d punch him.

    My first kiss was with my bf (<- look to the profile pic :P) It was so so special because it was his first kiss too! <3 We are going to get married, if I was old enough we'd be practically engaged already. But, it was months and months before the first little kiss, and it was just a touch on the lips. I would get all nervous and freak out and then he didn't want to push me and he would get all upset with himself and be afraid he'd mess up, even though I did want him to kiss me (lol) and it was a while after we started thinking about it that it actually happened. Anyways.. I remember nobody really asked me. D: Sorry :3

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by junebug on August 29, 2013 at 15:47

    In the end it’s up to you, but you have to live with your decision. Ultimately, one that honors God is best. My first kiss was with a guy I wasn’t dating, a “friend” who pressured me into it, but I chose to kiss him and we never spoke again after words. There are few things I regret more. Your first kiss is something you can’t get back.
    I think the best thing to do is seek God and the counsel of godly people around you. I personally believe, though, that it is unhealthy to pair unequal levels of commitment and physical intimacy.

  3. MiSSFloYd

    Posted by MiSSFloYd on August 5, 2013 at 17:11

    i cant wait for my first kiss ♥
    im not allowed to date until college, all well

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by anc.classof2014@gmail.com on August 2, 2013 at 19:38

    I got my first kiss at 14; I’m 17 now. It was one of my first boyfriends at school, next to a cafeteria trash can. After we broke up, I started dating another boy. When we first kissed, we were both nervous because we didn’t want to mess anything up between up. It was so much more amazing because it meant something had changed between us; we really felt like we were closer.
    Trust me, it means so much more when its special to BOTH of you.

  5. stay_humble

    Posted by stay_humble on July 17, 2013 at 17:26

    I absolutely agree, we are worth the wait 🙂
    I’m saving my kiss for my future husband

  6. mkay77

    Posted by mkay77 on July 4, 2013 at 07:54

    I totally agree! One of my best friends went out with me, and after about 3 1/2 months, he wanted to kiss me while we were watching a movie, and I felt him leaning on me. THANK GOODNESS he understood what “no, I’m not ready for that just yet”. He later kissed me about 2 months later when I had a bad day, and it was SO worth the wait (and so much more special)!

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by tiffany2013 on July 1, 2013 at 07:27

    I agree with Aysha. I gave my first kiss to my best guy friend, we weren’t in a relationship and we were at my cousin’s party and we were sitting together & i was talking about not have had my first kiss yet and he said I’ll give it to you and he kissed me. I was on cloud 9 at first but then I regretted it. this happened when i was 15, im 18 now and I still regret it. Pray about it sweetie. Don’t rush it, when you regret something like that, you’ll feel so bad about yourself. Trust me.

  8. Project Inspired

    Posted by StarRose120 on June 28, 2013 at 17:42

    I agree that prayer is a big part and also outside of a relationship, kissing is a really bad idea. Personally, I am still debating whether or not to hold off kissing entirely (most certainly anything beyond a quick peck on the lips)until my wedding. I do not regret my first kiss, but God blessed me, in that. That young man did not pressure me in any way. By his actions and integrity, he showed me that he cared for and respected me.
    My advice, PRAY, pray, pray, and don’t give this guy what he is asking for unless some big things change.

  9. Project Inspired

    Posted by Skipp20 on June 27, 2013 at 22:07

    Oh good grief! Sound like he wants to be friends with benefits…never a good idea! If he wants to kiss you but he doesn’t want to commit (when he knows you like him), then he doesn’t get that kiss! I don’t think you should waste your time crushing on this guy! You could stay friends (after he apologizes for treating you this way) but you should find something else to focus on in your life! And dont forget, there are plenty of great guys out there to find too 🙂

  10. Nicolemariev

    Posted by Nicolemariev on June 26, 2013 at 19:09

    Don’t do it! Whether you’re saving your first kiss for your boyfriend, for your fiance, or for your husband is up to you–pray about it, see how God convicts you, see how strong you are in terms of keeping boundaries. But it is a slippery slope, and once you start it can lead to other things. In short–wait. Don’t waste your first kiss on this guy. He sounds like a loser. (I’m sorry, he just does!) And depending on how old you are, you definitely don’t want to start physical stuff too soon–even if it’s just a kiss. I had my first kiss when I was 15, almost 16 years old. I was too young for a relationship, and I was very insecure about myself. That relationship didn’t turn out well–we got too physical (though thankfully I never gave him my virginity!) and he cheated on me early on in the relationship. After dating on-and-off for 6 months, I gave him the final break up and never went back. When I dated my second ex-boyfriend, we waited 5 months until our first kiss. We also were a lot more careful with setting boundaries. Now I’m single. I have no gameplan for the next relationship because there are no eligible Christian young men whom I like anywhere within the vicinity. And for now I’m focusing on God.

    But that’s my take on this. Beware of wolves!

  11. rachelbrownell

    Posted by rachelbrownell on June 26, 2013 at 17:12

    I understand that you guys are friends, but honestly, what kind of friend calls you his sister, doesn’t talk to you for a year, and then wants to kiss you? It just doesn’t make sense to me. Plus, the added “I’ll ask you out and dump you afterwards”? Big red flag. If he truly cares for you in the way that you care for him, he wouldn’t be trying to pressure you into it. Go with your gut, it’s usually right.

  12. mouseygirl

    Posted by mouseygirl on June 22, 2013 at 19:12

    Does it count as a first kiss if I was 9 and kind of taken advantage of?

    • prov31maiden

      Posted by prov31maiden on June 30, 2013 at 15:19

      No, if YOU didn’t give the kiss, then it doesn’t count. 🙂 I’m counting my first kiss when I make the decision to give it away–not when a person steels it from me. I want to save mine for my wedding day.

    • sarah.eliza96

      Posted by sarah.eliza96 on June 26, 2013 at 05:56

      i had something like that and i didn’t count it. I counted my first kiss as a time when i was older and understood what it meant to me.

    • PumpkinGirl

      Posted by PumpkinGirl on June 25, 2013 at 17:20

      Nah… I wouldn’t consider it as a first kiss.

  13. lilyworshipsongs

    Posted by lilyworshipsongs on June 22, 2013 at 14:11

    Not to sound rude, but he sounds like an egotistical jerk. “I’ll ask you out and dump you afterward”? SERIOUSLY? Don’t do it. He’s not worth a nickle as a boyfriend -_-

  14. Marcie90

    Posted by Marcie90 on June 22, 2013 at 12:19

    I suggest you don’t do it. He is not willing to make a commitment to you yet he wants the benefits. I used to be the kind of girl who would only kiss a guy if he was my boyfriend. One time a guy just asked me out so that he could kiss me and 3 days later he broke up with me. I regret that and every kiss I’ve given to my exes. My mentality now is that every kiss I give someone is one kiss less I give my future husband. It’s not fun to kiss frogs. About a year ago I decided my next kiss would be on my wedding day. Just to think our first kiss will be in front of God, those who love us and will forever be captured in photos and video to later show our children just reinforces my commitment to hold off on the kissing.
    If he’s a real friend, he will understand and respect your decision. That’s just my opinion, it’s up to you in the end.

  15. lheldzinger

    Posted by lheldzinger on June 21, 2013 at 12:49

    I don’t believe you should kiss until you are engaged personally. I have never heard someone say they are sorry they waited, but I have heard a lot or regret because of too soon. Especially outside of a relationship. If a guy cares for you truly he will wait and respect you, not pressure you. Those guys are hard to find, but trust me, I dated one and they are totally worth it the wait. And yeah def pray, always, God is the best at relationships and if you are reading his word and listening, He will help.

    • ashleyrawlings

      Posted by ashleyrawlings on June 26, 2013 at 13:17

      I totally agree with you lheldzinger. Some people (including myself) have even decided to wait until the day your married, but that’s a personal choice. It’s always best to wait until your sure he is the one God has chosen for you. God can always do a better job of giving us exactly what we need, then we can overselves.

  16. hannah1997

    Posted by hannah1997 on June 21, 2013 at 08:29

    Don’t kiss him!! I let this one guy steal my first kiss and I totally regret it…it was awful. Not special at all.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by inna on June 21, 2013 at 11:35

      Don’t let the guy take advantage of you. What kind of best friend says ill date you, then ill dump you? Really don’t kiss him.

  17. Alexia785

    Posted by Alexia785 on June 20, 2013 at 20:20

    I have never been kissed and never kissed a guy. I am a little radical when it comes to kissing. I don’t want to kiss on the lips till I am married. I wouldn’t mind if my boyfriend gave me a peck on the cheek but I don’t want any lip locking

  18. rainana

    Posted by rainana on June 20, 2013 at 14:58

    My guy best friend gave me my first kiss I wish I woulve had the chance to pray and tell him how I felt but It was so unexpected and it just happened I didnt knew he liked me
    I kinda explain to him after he kissed me, he was heart broken cause he said he had feeling for me and I’d told him I liked his brother(who was the main reason why i became bff with him) :\