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ADHD boyfriend

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  marysetrueblood 1 year, 10 months ago.

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SignerGirl

SignerGirl

I adore my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for several months now. But he’s got ADHD. But sometimes, I feel like he uses that as an excuse to misbehave. (Not saying he does, just that I wonder sometimes.)
We’ve been having a lot of discussion about what’s acceptable in the church culture and within my family and what isn’t, and I’ve asked him to quit certain behaviors. He quickly agrees. But then a week later, he’s back at it. When I mention it, he seems to remember. Then he claims he “forgot”.
I’m not trying to be insensitive. I’m just trying to get a grasp on this so I can learn how to respond well. Any thoughts or tips or stories? Or all of the above? lol

January 22, 2015 at 20:07
marysetrueblood

marysetrueblood

I do want to say that for people with ADHD sometimes self-control and impulse-control IS the problem. So he may be trying very well, but the nature of ADHD makes results tricky

January 26, 2015 at 04:22
SignerGirl

SignerGirl

I think I’m recognizing that more and more.
Do you know if mood swings are part of ADHD? Because he’s all over the place. Sometimes, he’s super helpful and supportive (this personality has had various aliases). Sometimes he’s busy busy busy, can’tsitstillbecausethere’stoomuchtodoandhecan’tfocusonwhat’simportant (the imp, we call this one as it tends to get him in trouble and cause me trouble, too). And other times, he pretty much looks dead (I call this one the zombie, but he doesn’t have a label for it). Like, especially when he’s gotten in “trouble” with me for something. He’ll drop his head back onto the chair and get this blank facial expression.
Sometimes, it’s fun to observe these changes in personality, and then there are moments where it’s a shock. Especially since the zombie personality tends to follow the imp and they’re polar opposites.

January 31, 2015 at 13:14
marysetrueblood

marysetrueblood

Yeah, that can come with some ADHD, because often when the brain is having trouble processing and emotions get tangled up in there, it can cause depression-like states and loss of motivation.
He also may have other issues, I can’t know having not known this person myself.
Also, the degree of symptoms does vary, so sometimes focus would, reasonably, be easier than others.
Just how with my own mental illnesses (I’ll use Panic Disorder) some days I can do near anything–order food on the phone, ask for help, work with a smile on my face, talk to teachers, go out with a group. Some days those incite such a panic attack I collapse into tears and can barely breathe. The reaction can vary. Obviously ADHD and panic disorder are different but I’m trying to use an analogy. Sorry if it didn’t make sense/

February 1, 2015 at 09:55
SignerGirl

SignerGirl

No, actually that makes perfect sense. I hadn’t made any connection like that, because panic disorder is really different from ADHD. (I assume. I’m not ADHD, sooo…) But, yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Thanks, girl.

February 7, 2015 at 07:59
marysetrueblood

marysetrueblood

They are different! I only made the connection because while they’re different things, they’re both mental illnesses *shrug*

February 8, 2015 at 16:58
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