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Advice GREATLY appreciated…how do i deal?

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends Random Thoughts and Questions Advice GREATLY appreciated…how do i deal?

This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  do.it.out.of.love 1 year, 11 months ago.

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livelovehope

normally love Christmas. I’m that girl who goes overboard on presents and stuff. I decorated the whole interior of my house by MYSELF, the day after thanksgiving.
BUT this year I’m dreading it. Normally I go visit my extended family (30 cousins who are all so in love with Jesus and are amazing) who live in another country. This year however, I am going on a cruise with my dad’s side of the family, in the United States. That seems exciting, but here’s why I’m not excited:
1) I have had the worst past 2 years of my life. I was diagnosed with anorexia a couple months ago. I am at a healthy weight and stuff now, but the idea of constant food terrifies me. My mom keeps on saying how there’s going to be “so much food and all we’re going to be doing is eating and we’re all going to gain 20 pounds.” that TERRIFIES me…and gives me terrifying anxiety. I’m still really cautious about food…I eat really clean and work out a lot every day…I’m probably going to be bringing a lot of my own healthy food and I KNOW my family is going to judge me for it.
2) I was also recently diagnosed with asymptomatic depression. I’m not on meds or anything cause we’re holding off right now…and I also cut. A LOT. My thighs are covered. in. scars. I have board shorts for when I swim and stuff but I’m still worried that people are going to wonder why I wear knee length shorts to go swimming…
3) My uncle is extremely extremely strict. He treats me like his own kid when it comes to strictness. Aka if he sees something he doesn’t like, he’ll call me out on it loudly in front of everyone and sometimes punish me (even if it’s something my parents are normally ok with)…and my parents do nothing about it.
4) My dad’s side of the family basically hates each other. There’s always LOTS of arguing and LOTS of tension. My grandparents also hate me…they’ve hinted more than once that I’m their least favorite grandchild.
For all those reasons. I’m gonna be constantly anxious about food and constantly be judged by my family for eating some of my own food. I’m going to be judged for my long shorts when I swim and the fact I never show above my knees. I’m going to be called out by my uncle that I’m “never happy.” And there’s going to be tension. A LOT.
I want to be excited about it…but I’m not. Any help/advice would be appreciated

December 10, 2014 at 13:35
loveoutloud

loveoutloud

Oh, I’m so sorry! You seem to have had a really rough time of it, and it seems like your family, though supportive, doesn’t understand well enough to really be supportive in the way you need.
1) Yikes. This is a hard problem. I think you should feel free to bring your own healthy stuff, but keep this in mind- there’s often a good bit of healthy food on cruises, too. maybe with a few more calories then you’re used to, but not much. One of my best friend’s mom’s is a travel agent, and they go on cruises quite frequently for conferences. This friend happens to be a bit of a health nut, and has hardly had an issue finding food she likes. My advice with the family judging you about it is to be honest that you don’t want to get sick from eating food you aren’t used to, and that you want to stay healthy even on the cruise.
2) I wouldn’t worry about that too much- I wear board shorts absolutely everywhere I swim. I’m not a fan of showing off my legs, either.
3) Is this uncle on your dad’s side? I recommend asking your parents to stick up for you. If they’re supportive about your depression, they should understand that it’s worrying you and help put an end to it. Keep in mind that your uncle loves you, even if he has a really crappy way of showing it. Also, does he know about your depression? And does he understand how it works? A lot of people don’t get why you can’t be happy- they think depression is like being sad. Like you can control it. So, if he doesn’t understand it, maybe you should try to explain it- he could be well meaning, but doesn’t understand.
4) I’m not really sure what to tell you, here. You can’t change how people feel about you. mAybe you should just try to avoid them?

December 10, 2014 at 15:44
Mandi Pi

Mandi Pi

^ I like what this chickadee said! I don’t know that I can give advice in this situation, but I can attempt to encourage. 🙂

I would never say this except in this situation, but…ignore your mom (in regards to what she says about food). God MADE food. God MADE your body. Your body needs food. Your body turns food into energy and uses that energy. All of this is totally normal. You never have to be scared of eating, unless you’re literally living off of ice cream, cotton candy, and Pringles–which I don’t figure you are. 😉 It’s awesome that you’ve gotten to a healthy weight–keep it up! 🙂 Just relax about it, eat when you feel hungry, and you’ll be fine.

Would you mind explaining (however thoroughly you want to) what asymptomatic depression is? So firstly, do your parents, or any other adults know about your cutting? Secondly, are they doing anything about it? Have they discussed therapy or anything like that with you? If your parents, or no other adults know, then you need to tell an adult! It’s important to get a trustworthy adult involved so that you can get proper help sooner than later; you have so much potential in life, and you deserve to feel 100% okay 100% of the time. 🙂 If an adult already knows, but is not doing anything about it, then you need to strike up a conversation with them about it, talk to them about what you feel like you need to get better, and ask them to take action. If you are not comfortable doing so with your parents, then find another adult and talk to them first. It can be a friend’s parents, a teacher, a pastor, a church leader, an extended relative like an aunt/uncle/adult-aged cousin, anyone who is trustworthy and will take action for you. Just talk to them first, and ask them to help you talk to your parents about it. No matter what, just make sure that someone else is aware of what is happening; you are too special, beautiful, and treasured to continue feeling like you have to hurt yourself.

On the cruise, don’t at all worry about people thinking that wearing shorts to swim is strange–it’s definitely not! Lots of people wear shorts/shirts/other clothing while swimming, it’s not a big deal at all. 🙂

Also, have you heard of the Butterfly Project? If not: http://butterfly-project.tumblr.com/ I’ve been told by a few friends that do cut that this has helped them, so I suggest giving it a try, even if you don’t think it’ll work. Just give it a shot. 🙂

Overall, please remember that you are so so so loved! You were made by the God of the universe in an impossibly specific way for very certain purposes. There is ALWAYS a hope there for you to hold onto, no matter what you feel like, no matter what is happening around you, no matter where you are in life. God IS hope. There is so much worth living for besides the painful things. There are going to be hard times, and I can’t fix that or tell you why, but I can tell you with complete certainty that God is there and He is not letting you go.

Here are some verses, songs, quotes, and a few of my blog posts to help:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_JRJ8rcYP-5U/S-hhjBcTyAI/AAAAAAAAAHk/dFTr23m42ws/s1600/footprint1.jpg

http://alwayspicklove.blogspot.com/2014/07/dear.html

http://alwayspicklove.blogspot.com/2014/05/be-real_21.html

http://alwayspicklove.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-lies.html

1 Corinthians 4:16-18
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (< If you have time, read all of 2 Corinthians 4! It's one of my favorite Bible chapters 🙂 )

Deuteronomy 31:8
'The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Psalm 34:17
"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles."

Psalm 3:3
"But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head."

Psalm 42:11
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

1 Peter 5:6-7
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Romans 8:38-39
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

1 peter 4:12-13
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."

Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emgv-VRtMEU (Stronger by Mandisa)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4u_TcXJIbcA (Gold by Britt Nicole)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1spkhp41ig4 (Beautiful Things by Gungor)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOkImV2cJDg (Whom Shall I Fear by Christ Tomlin)

I hope this helped! Sorry it was so long hehe. 🙂 If you ever need absolutely anything at all, if you want to talk or vent, please talk to me on here, email me at Amfin@earthlink.net, or find me on Instagram and send me a direct photo (as far as I know, that's the only way to "chat" on IG…). My Instagram username is mandi_pi_314, and it's under the name Amanda F. 🙂 Just let me know on here your username and that you are following me so that I recognize your username and accept your follow request. 🙂

God loves you, I love you, and so many others love you, beautiful! <3 Have a wonderful day, and you'll be just fine on your cruise; I'm praying for you all the time!

December 12, 2014 at 10:06
heyheyitsgabe

heyheyitsgabe

I can comment about the food part. I’m not anorexic. But I am chronically ill. Some gastrointestinal stuff that’s undiagnosed. For a long time last year I had to be “free” of a lot…gluten, dairy, eggs, peanut, corn, and something else. Gluten free for the longest, dairy free the second longest, and the rest for a couple/few months. But the point being, I couldn’t really eat out. I couldn’t eat at friends’ houses unless they had an apple, basically. 😛 I took my own food. Like you, I took it and was worried what people would say. Or think why I’m not eating, or feel sympathy for me, or judge me for bringing my own food. I didn’t want to be seen as a health freak, but I simply couldn’t eat the other food they were eating. What I learned: just be yourself; be confident; not care what they think about you in terms of judging you; you’re doing what you have to do (or want to do) and it’s your choice; as long as you’re confident and do your thing, they should be good with it; if you act like something’s awkward or wrong it shows and they may really notice (at least I thought so). Reality: they may not even notice that you bring your own food. The waitress/er may look at you weird, but it’s not like they’re gonna kick you off! (it’s a boat…) Be yourself, be confident, smile, find the Jesus~Joy, I hope you’ll have a good time. Look beyond the food, I thought, there’s more than food even though food seems like life. I hope you can find the joy in it and treasure memories!

December 14, 2014 at 23:21
do.it.out.of.love

do.it.out.of.love

Well, Christmas is supposed to be a time you want to enjoy, not dread. I would say talk to God about all of your worries and fears. I was a bit anorexic when I was younger and then my parents caught me on it. This world tells us that the only beautiful girls are skinny, but that is so not true! What counts is whats inside, not out. I have depression too, so I understand where your coming from. I have never hurt myself though. My advice would be that hurting yourself doesn’t solve your problems. It may resolve the stress, but it doesn’t solve the problems. Dealing with your uncle well, I would talk to your parents about that. Your family needs to be reminded that its Christmas, a time of loving behavior. Not mean, cruel behavior that will hurt people. This stuff may take some sacrifice but I guarantee its worth it. And your grandparents well, I would talk to them about it and see what they really feel. Hope this helps!

December 15, 2014 at 09:40
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