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Am I Going Against God's Timing?

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends Relationships Am I Going Against God's Timing?

This topic contains 10 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  missanonymous 1 year, 12 months ago.

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GrayC

GrayC

So everything works in God’s timing. I want to spend time with my guy friend- I’m friends with his mother also- and well I don’t see him very often, so like last week for example, I helped him and his mom clean out their garage and we were hanging out a little afterward, and he had to go back to his dad’s house. I hadn’t seen him in about three weeks, so I wanted to spend more time with him. I asked his mom is I could ride along with them just to hang out a little more. She said yes, so we got to hang out. I didn’t really think I was over stepping anything, like I felt weird asking, but You know that push God gives you that’s just something you have to ask? Well I know that they like spending time with me. Is there something wrong with me asking to spend time with him? I see him maybe every three or four weeks. I know I’m not family, so should I back off? His mom later kinda suggested that I was trying to like get him to like me or something. I don’t think I am, I do care for him, but I know he and I are not ready and I honestly do want to be friends with him. So I never used to be bold, so I ask. Is that bad? Is trying to spend more time with him as friends not something I should do? Like is taking it upon myself to ask to spend time with him me working on my own time table? His mom, seems to think that that’s what is happening. So I don’t know. I know we can’t date and I want to be friends, Is it wrong for me to ask?

November 27, 2014 at 15:06
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missanonymous

I think it depends on if he ever initiates spending time with you:) Even platonic friendship shouldn’t be one sided, so he should make the effort to hang as well! Also, to take some pressure off and keep from making it look like you like him, you could always ask him to hang out in a group, like get some mutual friends together to go to the movies or something??

December 1, 2014 at 14:47
GrayC

GrayC

Actually since this summer the only time that he himself has initiated us hanging out was when they couldn’t hang out and go to the theme park with us. He thought of a bonfire at his house instead, and his mom relayed that to me. I leave it up to him but he is in no way a planner. And when we meet by accident we just kind of stick close to each other, or maybe I stick to him but I don’t think he minds. If others are around, he always seems tired and sad, but when its just him and me around he seems upbeat and happy. I don’t know I guess if I see him I see him, but he is my friend and its hard to see him maybe only once or twice a month. We were going to watch a movie at his house, I don’t know maybe we could have his sis and maybe her bf with us, idk I guess he doesn’t really know I’d like him to man up and ask me to hang out lol

December 1, 2014 at 17:23
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missanonymous

Ok I see!! It sounds like he’s just a clueless boy who doesn’t see the need to plan spending time with you if you friendship is already going fine 😉 Honestly, I’ve never really been in your situation, I don’t really have guy friends that I crave spending time with, but I think it’s fine to casually ask him to hang out every one and a while, but not like an every weekend type thing(: Also, just wondering, do you go to school with this guy, and if not how do you know him??

December 1, 2014 at 17:43
GrayC

GrayC

I don’t really know what his mom feels about it. she’s also my friend, but she made a comment that I try to manipulate spending time with him. Like when he was going back his dad’s i asked if I could go with them, not the first time I’ve asked to go with his mom somewhere, so if he’s there and I haven’t seen him in three weeks, what is wrong with that, ya know? My love language is quality time, so not seeing my friends for awhile stinks a lot. The first time I met my friend, it was youth group. He was quiet and I was about 16. I was so surprised to hear that we was only 13. I thought he was older than me! so yeah, he went to my school for a few years but he was in middle school when we first met and I was a sophomore I think. He’s a sophomore this year, how time flies lol. But this year he moved with his dad about an hour away and he lives with his mom on weekends and breaks. He was going to live with his mom but last minute he decided to live with his dad, honestly I cried, I had a bit of a crush. So now I just see him randomly.
Do you want the full story? When God really started to get a hold of me this spring is when we started to see each other. I don’t think I had even seen him in a year before that, but we weren’t as close as we are now. lol its a long story! wow this post is long

December 1, 2014 at 18:26
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missanonymous

OK! Hm, that’s interesting!!! Maybe he doesn’t have any female friends, so his mom sees your desiring to spend time with him as more than is intended?? Are you sure you have no crush on him now?? Aw, that’s sad 🙁 Sure, tell me whatever you want!!

December 2, 2014 at 14:01
GrayC

GrayC

Well I’m not really sure how I feel about him. I want to be a good friend and I know that anything more is not good, because neither of us are ready. Of course now I feel weird asking to see him because of what his mom said, I know he has other female friends but I guess I’m the only one who asks to hang out, I’m a planner and I’m at a maturity stage where a guy and a girl can hang out without it being dating. However he knows that I had a crush on him, I never told him but he asked his mom awhile ago, and she knew but at first she was like “what ? no? well maybe…” haha His mom said that he talks about me like any of his other girl pals, so that made me feel like i wasn’t special, like the hours we have spent together was like nothing. Then she said that he has noticed the beauty I have in my heart and my good character, so I felt better. 😀 His mom says he’s a late bloomer most likely like his dad and uncles, so he wouldn’t notice really what I look like from the outside, like my outside beauty hasn’t really clicked in his mind. I’m not sure if I really believe that, but I’ve seen that way he looks at me and I catch him staring a lot, and smiling. He always stands close to me, and when we went to the movies together (not a date) our arms were pressed up against each other, and we obviously knew that we were in each others space. So i don’t know, I just figured that he might like the outside of me and not really care much of anything else, but if he sees the inside of me, and can see that beauty, does that mean something? Sometimes I don’t know if his mom is trying to defer me away or what. Nothing really changed with me, but he did seem to act differently around me. Like I’ve noticed that if a lot of people are around he seems not upset, but sad and stuff, but if it’s just him and me its like a light in his eyes glows and he will talk and talk and he’ll be excited and happy. Does that mean something? I’ve heard that if he doesn’t pursue you, even in friendship, you shouldn’t assume that he is too shy. Its just cause young I think, he know that we can only be friends, its been shoved down both of our throats many times, so maybe if we were the same age and more equally yoked he would have bought it up. He has expressed to his mom that he wants to get closer to God and wanted to know how to really do it. All i know is that when I am in people’s lives, they change for the better, like God gives me influence and uses me to help them. So i want to be there for him, ya know?

Like guys aren’t talkers so it would be hard to sit down and talk to him about what’s going on. I’m praying that he’ll man up and ask me to hang out, but I don’t know I dont really want to walk away, I’m praying for God to help me. I want to be able to help him and be a good friend and I want to comfort him and sharpen him, and I’m praying that he will help sharpen me.

Once again long, and I didn’t even explain the three year gap. Well, he wanted to hang out every weekend with my friends, and I liked him a little then, but I thought that he only wanted me there as a buffer to my girl pal, who was totally uninterested. So soon i didn’t want to hang out anymore. he asked me later to hang out on a weekend to my face and I told him to ask my girl pal. I thought he only wanted to hang out to show off himself with a pretty upperclassmen. So we didn’t see each other for a year, he wasn’t a good guy then, and I wasn’t really either, but we both have changed and he is just a sweetheart.
wow… I think this is more words than I have spoken today, lol sorry. 🙁

December 2, 2014 at 19:37
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missanonymous

You’re fine!! ok…form what I gather, the mom is not crazy about the idea of you too being together…Also, this guy is SO young! I guess it’s heard for me to relate to since I Only like older guys XD It kind of sounds like he’s just not quite there yet:/ Obviously I haven’t seen the situation but he’s a 13 year old boy. Girls generally mature much faster than boys, and given the fact that you’re older than him, he could just not even have pursuing time with you on his mind cause those things aren’t clicking with him, or, simply realizes your older and thinks it won’t work out?? I don’t know..I’m sorry, and I hope you can grow in a Godly friendship..If you stay friends through out all of highschool, you never knwo what could happen(:

December 4, 2014 at 06:39
GrayC

GrayC

He’s 16 now, but I’ll be 19 in a month. When we met he was 13. I graduated in May, but we only ever saw each other at church, now it’s when I help his mom sometimes. He moved to a different high school like two years ago. I would like to be friends, but his mom is well, sometimes she encourages us being friends but then she repeatedly tell us that he can’t date and It makes me feel like I can’t even be around him. She tells me almost every time I see her. I feel like I can’t go over to help her on weekends because he could be there and I want to help her because I can, not because of him.
Nothing has changed between me and Greg that I know of, and suddenly she brings this up again and I feel like I don’t know what I can do. I’m not doing anything wrong, and I don’t want to look over my shoulder every time I hang out with him expecting that talking to again. I’m open to her advice, but I know I’m not doing wrong and being a friend is not a bad thing with him. I could be talking out how we had fun when we last hung out and then the “he can’t date, you’re both not ready, you have to wait” I was talking about how we got along, not how we made out, lol! She might be giving him the same talks so maybe he feels asking em to hang out. My aunt suggested that maybe he know a relationship can’t happen and maybe out of respect he doesn’t ask me to hang out because he could like me, and know it can’t happen now. I trust him, and I think I can make the distinction that he is a friend. He’s been on my heart and like I want to help him and be a friend to him.
But would it rude, or something if i continue to hang out with Greg, even if I feel like his mom makes me feel like I shouldn’t? Maybe I’ll bring it up with her that I feel like she doesn’t want me to be a friend, even if she thinks that it can’t be restricted to a friendship. what it reflects to me is that she doesn’t trust me. We’ve spent hours alone together, which she encouraged, nothing that I know of has changed, and now I don’t know.
She never out right said “i don’t want you around him” so I just need discernment and help. I don’t need this drama, you know?

December 4, 2014 at 11:27
pjbaseballgirl

pjbaseballgirl

I think that maybe you could be a sister in Christ to him. Just spend time with him that way. Be like a sister, encourage him in life and under God, etc. And next time his mom lectures you about it, tell her you have sisterly intentions as a Christian friend. And perhaps you can spend time with him and his mom. Adult friends are awesome too. This way, you’ll have your friend and you can help him through those awkward high school years.

December 4, 2014 at 11:57
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missanonymous

Oh yeah, that is strange the mom keeps on bringing that up!! Also, I think your aunt could be onto something:) If the mom says something about it again, and you are close enough to her, you could ask if it bothers her that yo hang out!!!

December 7, 2014 at 16:39
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