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Anger issues and "ex-bff" drama: How to handle it?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Pixie 1 year, 9 months ago.

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Project Inspired

Pixie

The last few months of 2014 were a trying time for me. Not only did I lose my dad to cancer, but I lost a “friend” of 5+ years. I was partially at fault for her breaking off the friendship (my anger got the best of me and I said something really, REALLY nasty), so I don’t blame her for getting upset over that. But what the other thing that she initially got upset over…hurt me. (She originally planned on breaking up our friendship because I’d kept my bisexuality and feminist ideology a secret from her.)

That mistake of mine (saying the nasty things I did) really taught me a lesson, and these last few months, I’ve really been trying to work on controlling my anger and making civil responses to people instead of blowing up at them. So far, I thought I’d been doing well. But then God threw another test my way.

Same ex-bff. She came to my blog the day or two after I posted something (http://thepsychohaswritten.blogspot.com/2015/03/queer-in-christ.html) and she said something that really ruffled my feathers, so to speak. I was torn between sheer anger and pity. How dare she come back after all this time and say something like that? And why now? The blog had been dormant for months. That was the second post I’d made this year. I couldn’t tell if she’s stalking me or just happened to run across it because of a friend or something.

I felt pity because I felt like she’s trying to stir up drama, which doesn’t make sense. She’s blocked me on all social media (as has her mother), so why visit my blog now and comment?

I don’t know. But the important thing is that I almost lost control of my temper again. (Well, I did. Just not online. I ranted to my younger sister for like, 5 minutes straight.) Does anyone have advice for how to handle anger issues? I’ve been struggling with my prayer life lately, so I’m not sure if I should try getting back into that to calm myself or what.

I’m just tired of letting what she says to me tempt me into making un-Christlike responses. How do I do the right thing without continuing the drama and saying something I’ll regret later?

March 12, 2015 at 21:44
Emilyitude

Emilyitude

I know this is not what you want to hear, but the way to stop being angry all the time is to love the people you’re angry at. I think that would start with forgiveness. You don’t have to be her friend anymore, but you shouldn’t leave the friendship with such a terrible ending. Know what I mean? Try to forgive her and move on, and then you won’t see yourself getting as angry with her as you are.

March 13, 2015 at 10:09
marysetrueblood

marysetrueblood

Pretty much the same, though pragmatically, that can look different for different people. Sometimes, it just means that you have to admit to yourself that you’re both human beings, both just living your lives, and understand that you both have right to do so, and that means respecting one another. Don’t think about her if you can help it. Don’t talk to her if she doesn’t directly approach you. If you can avoid it, don’t talk to her then, and think of positive things instead, or at least, distracting things when you might feel angry. Soon, you might still think of her once in a while, but it’ll be less frequent and less intense. I had to do something similar with a really toxic friendship somewhat recently.

March 13, 2015 at 12:44
Project Inspired

Pixie

Yeah. I’ve never initiated contact with her since she broke off the friendship (unless you count the time I commented on one of her posts here about me.) I just don’t understand why she’d go to my blog of all places and comment there the DAY or two after I made the post I did. If she’s not stalking me, then one of her friends is. Or she was following me on G+ by some fluke and I just didn’t realize it.

March 13, 2015 at 20:11
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