Ok so here we go! And so sorry if it’s long. I just don’t know who I can talk to. My close friends and my youth leader just don’t understand the way I need them too. They keep saying “everyone loves you,” I used to think that’s true, but then my mom said, “I don’t know why she would say that.” Or even that if they weren’t talking to me right now didn’t mean that they didn’t like me…However, when I message some of the kids on Facebook, they never respond, even if it says they’re on and that they have seen it. I’m almost scared to see them face to face, that they might not even want to see me. We went on a retreat and the whole message was that we’re all friends following Jesus together and to get to know everyone. But one of the people I felt most comfortable around wouldn’t really look at me a lot and I think he might have deleted me on Snapchat because I can’t see his best friends anymore. I thought maybe he liked me because we tend to make eye contact a lot and one time on the retreat, it was like he was staring deep into my eyes. I also sometimes see him looking at me, and sometimes him and one of his girlfriends will stare at me or then she’ll say something, then he’ll blush. But is this my imagination? Because maybe this social media means something bad? And, lastly, have I got so caught up in believing everyone loved me like Rachel said, when it isn’t actually true? 🙁 She also said we click really well, and she couldn’t see us as not friends. Rachel tells me she doesn’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to be my friend. I want to ask her how she knows this, but I don’t want to ask too many questions. Sometimes I think everyone who knows me hates me. On the ride back yesterday, everyone was talking and when I tried to say something, everyone just got dead quiet afterwards. I felt so bad. I have a hearing loss, so was it my voice? My friend Morgan was up front so she couldn’t really help, and the kid Nathan did a better job of making sure I was included last year. He would stand right by me in a group of people and look at me a lot to include me. It was kind of cute I think. The freshman helping the junior. But this year… 🙁 Earlier this year, his brother was pretty mean to me, so maybe he told him not to be my friend.
My brother suggested finding another youth group if this is happening a lot, but I’m not sure I want too. And my youth leader said she was impressed with kids including me and that she hopes I feel at home with the group.
And at school lately, I’ve been staying in the library for lunch. The kid who was mean to me is at my lunch table and it’s just too awkward for me. We all used to be friends, but somehow he got the idea I liked him when really it was his brother Nathan I liked. He would talk a lot and make eye contact with everyone but me. Very unlike his brother who sometimes even laughed and looked at me (included me). Anyway, it’s so obvious he doesn’t like me. The whole table feels so divided. One friend will talk to him and the other one will talk to me. My friend Chris says he misses me eating with them, but I don’t know if I could handle it. The last time I sat there, I said I had to leave early, then literally walked away crying.
|January 5, 2015 at 14:18|
Well it’s good to remember that not everyone is going to like you. I know it’s hard to accept it when someone doesn’t want to be your friend, but hey, it happens. But also know that there ARE always going to be people who love you. Don’t take social media too seriously. I know that a lot of people simply don’t like talking over social media and texting and prefer to actually talk to a person face to face. That may or may not be part of the reason why they don’t respond, but either way, try not to think too much about it. If people don’t want to talk to you much in person, then you need to find better people to be around. I promise you, if you step out of your normal friend group and open yourself up to other people, you will find a good group of friends, that make you feel accepted. Just know that whatever happens, you are never completely alone and people DO love you.
|January 6, 2015 at 12:11|
Welp. People suck so there’s that.
|January 7, 2015 at 15:06|
You don’t have to have a ton of friends to be happy. I don’t have a lot of friends, but I have good friends. You should focus on being close to the friends you do have. When you have really close friends, there your friends for life.
|January 18, 2015 at 14:54|
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