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Boyfriend Question

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends High School Girl Talk Boyfriend Question

This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Victoria_anneee 10 months ago.

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Dreamer1998

Dreamer1998

Hey! I don’t know if anyone still checks this but I have a question. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months now. This is both of our first relationship. We both go to the same church and have the same morals 😊 But sometimes he tells me that I shouldn’t wear certain clothes because they tempt him. Is he being controlling or just trying to get to heaven?!

February 9, 2016 at 11:51
Dreamer1998

Dreamer1998

Please help me!! I feel like I am failing him whenever I dress in a way he says is tempting!! Is he controlling??? I want help.

February 11, 2016 at 18:23
Dreamer1998

Dreamer1998

Please help me!! I feel like I am failing him whenever I dress in a way he says is tempting!! Is he controlling??? I want help. I don’t want to lead my boyfriend to sin, but I also don’t want to be told how to dress! What do I do?

February 12, 2016 at 11:07
Victoria_anneee

Victoria_anneee

Hello Dreamer!
I really like this question, its very thought provoking. Honestly, I think you should tell him exactly what you told us and see what he says. Communication about this sort of thing is key! Tell him how you feel when he tells you that your clothing tempts him and how you are conflicted by this. I cant exactly tell you what he actually is doing because there is a subtle difference between being told you tempt someone and being told what to wear. If he is telling you what you can and cannot wear, that is being controlling. However, if he is just acknowledging that you tempt him and doesn’t want to fall into sin with God, that is different. You might also want to ask him is its not only the things you were, but the things you are doing that tempt him. You could also try getting down to what, specifically, tempts him. It might be something you didn’t expect or even realize could be tempting. Try talking to him and God about this. Remember to pray, and keep praying, to God about you and your boyfriends relationship for its communication, trust and that is can be a relationship built for Him.

Good luck! <3

February 12, 2016 at 11:27
Rachel_Kil

Rachel_Kil

I admire your boyfriend for having such conviction to tell you. A quality guy will want to protect you from causing him and other guys to stumble. If this means wearing less revealing or clothes, then it’s important to remember that doing so causes mutual benefit. He doesn’t feel tempted to do something against his morals, and you can be innocent from causing him to stumble while honoring the body the Lord gave you. It may look like he’s exercising dominance, but as of now, it seems as though he’s only interested in both of your safety and purity. That’s really admirable in a guy.

March 10, 2016 at 12:05
Project Inspired

Fivalina

Hey there girl!
I have been in this exact same situation and it really put me in an odd position. I was in an abusive relationship for four years and I have learned a lot from this awful experience.
First of all, I do believe that men should control their thoughts as well as women; it is not our fault. I encourage you to wear what you love and whatever you feel comfortable in. You are not responsible for his feelings and thoughts- only he is. Therefore, it is not your fault. It is not your fault that you are in this uncomfortable situation and he is blaming you when really he should be convicting himself instead of guilt tripping you.
A relationship is a safe place, one where you love the other for who they are and not just the clothes you both wears. Therefore, he needs to respect you and your self expression- do not change yourself for any boy. I did and it led me to a very bad place that I do not want you to ever have to go through.
Lastly, do not feel like you have to fit a certain mold and if you cant fit intro it, that you will be failing him; you are not failing him. You do not need to let him control you in this way- he is not above you. You are equals. This situation is borderline controlling and could take a spiral towards the worse.
In conclusion, stand up for yourself. Do not be afraid to tell him how you feel and how unfair this situation is. Do not change yourself to please him; be who you wanna be. The right boy will fall in love with you,the real you, not the modified “Your clothes ‘tempt’ me. Don’t wear them anymore”.
Homegirl trust me, wear what you want and demand respect. Find a man who will respect you like the queen you are. There is freedom and respect in a genuine relationship and I know he is out there somewhere waiting for you.

March 22, 2016 at 10:01
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