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Doubts

This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  carolinereinhart1 1 year, 8 months ago.

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saraelizabeth

saraelizabeth

I have been exclusively talking to one guy for about 4 months now, but we had been good friends for a year and a half before. He hasn’t made me his girlfriend yet, but he keeps telling me it will happen “soon.” His ex comes to me to tell me different things about him and their past relationship, but when I address those concerns with him, he denies them or tells me that he said something or did something for a good reason. Recently, a friend of mine told me that his friend said he tried talking to her about a month before he and I started talking, but a few days ago he wanted her to go to his apartment so he could do something sweet for her, and last week he had put his arm around her but quickly moved it when the others turned around. I don’t know what to do, because he always tells me he’s trying to change, he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes he made in the past, etc. But, he also tells me he loves me. I want to address this issue with him, but I’m almost positive he would deny it or come up with another reason for it. I don’t know what or who to believe, and everything I hear really confuses me.

April 10, 2015 at 08:31
carolinereinhart1

carolinereinhart1

Keep in mind when reading this that I have NEVER had a boyfriend, but have seen enough relationships crumble to know when something’s amiss. First of all, if his ex is talking about him, disregard it. Ex-girlfriends have no right talking trash about a guy unless he did something awful like rape her or abuse her or something. And if he did, well… then run for your life and don’t waste on your time on him.
Second of all, he is probably sincere about wanting to change. Everybody has something that they don’t like about themselves and know is wrong. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they act on. As a small example, I have a problem with chocolate and acknowledge that I need to improve, but that doesn’t mean that I resisted the urge to eat two chocolate bunnies in a week this Easter. It just means that I know I probably shouldn’t have done that.
Next, a year and a half is NOT a long time. It may seem like it, but if you think in terms of a lifetime (average life expectancy is 75-81 years, I think), it’s a pretty small amount. My advice is to get to know this guy better before you make a judgement.
Lastly, and I’d pray a lot about this one, consider your values. You just mentioned TWO other girls that this guy has spent time with. Don’t you want some loyalty in a relationship? Although it’s not good to be clingy and possessive, you are a Child of God and deserve to be respected for it. If this dude can’t see that he needs to commit, then he’s probably not the one right now.
I recommend giving him some time. Learn more about him and his relationship with God. Is he a new Christian or was he born again at a young age? I’m not talking about whether or not he was raised in church, I want you to ask him if he has a personal relationship with Christ and for how long. His family and background won’t save him and spiritual maturity is definitely important. You don’t see ten-year-olds dating juniors, right?
And if you find that this guy is not boyfriend ready yet, but you still want to be a part of his life, friendship is a valuable thing. I have about three guy friends who I wouldn’t ever consider dating (Although one IS my cousin, so it’d be awkward if I did), but I still wouldn’t get rid of for the world. They help me with my spiritual walk and, even though it’s nothing serious, theses relationships still teach me what I want in a boyfriend. Sorry for the rant, but ai hope you get something out of this.

April 10, 2015 at 21:23
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