I just wanted to share some thoughts I’ve been having recently. Though I’ve been wanting to start a faith based blog, I’ve had some reservations, mostly due to my own poor time management and a couple of more faith based concerns. Still lots of prayer. Maybe it’s just a “not yet” from God.
What I wanted to express here is something that I’ve been going through recently, I feel as though the more I want to learn about becoming a Godly woman, the more I yearn for my season of singleness to be over. This got to a point of it being unhealthy for two reason. The first reason being that I got to the point of anxiety and tears that marriage would never be a season I would go through. I certainly have strong desires for motherhood and marriage but misspoken words from a well meaning Sunday School teacher have haunted me for close to five years now. They were that no matter how strongly I desire those in my Christian walk, I may never have them.
I’m still having a hard time believing that those words should not be taken to heart. Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (ESV) which comes in on the other end of that spectrum. I do want to make this point perfectly clear though. I don’t want anyone taking this verse out of context. This does not mean that God grants sinful desires. He detests them and those separate us from Him. The key part of this verse is the very beginning of it “Delight yourself in the Lord” you have to draw near to him and he will change and transform your desires to align with His will. It’s hard, believe me I know.
I used to want marriage and motherhood for very selfish and unGodly reasons. None of them, if you ever asked me why I wanted to be a wife or mother, were ever based in scripture. Now, they are. My season of singleness has been so hard honestly because I’ve made it hard for myself, it was a lot of saying I was trusting God with this incredibly important part of my life and not living that out. I’d believe that for all of five seconds and the minute I stepped away from my quiet time, my anxieties and want for control would come flooding back and ready to stir up trouble.
But I also have to tell you that every single season, even every person’s season of singleness looks different. Now you might be thinking “duh of course, everyone is different themselves and they come from different circumstances” that’s absolutely part of it. But I’m talking about the heart of the issue. A person’s heart attitude in this issue. I’ve seen women decide to give God the key to their heart in this issue and find the One by the next month, I’ve also seen women do the same and not get married until the age of 60. I don’t think that comparing each other’s seasons like that from either end is healthy.
We can’t assume that the minute we tell God that we’re handing over control to Him, he’ll give us a boyfriend even if that’s been true for others but we also can’t scare ourselves into thinking that if we give this over to God that he’ll have us wait 50 years for marriage because both of those trains of thought will hold us back from having true peace in the decision. God is always in control but He wants us to acknowledge that. It’s not manipulative but it’s more like being in the car with someone who knows exactly where to go, what streets to take and everything, you know that, but you’re still being a backseat driver. It would bring both you and that person a lot more at peace if you just let them do their thing and drive. It’s the same thing. Let God be God because He knows what He’s doing and where you’re going in your walk with Him.
Writing this has been a bit of a catharsis and I figured I’d post it in here since most girls in this age range would probably relate to the waiting period.
Another note on this, while it’s helpful to look stuff up online (trust me I’ve helped gain perspective from some great online resources I’ll list below) talk to someone, face to face about this. Don’t just word vomit in a text to a sort of friend because they don’t know tone and to make it shorter than novel length, you also cut stuff out (believe me I know). I had trouble falling asleep two days straight earlier this week because of this issue and the second I explained it to the other women in my bible study (some married, some single, mind you) they were compassionate and offered a lot more of personal advice and understanding. After that, I had peace, I had no trouble falling asleep. God wanted me to tell those women because He knew that I could read all the general advice all day long on websites but only people that knew me, knew my heart, and knew of my relationship with God better than an author of a blog post, would help me tremendously. And it has. I pray the same happens for you.
My best practical advice is if you’re there like I am, ask God to point out things that YOU can work on. What can you be doing now that you need to either stop thinking about yourself or prune from your life before you’re ready for a relationship. That will really help too.
Don’t hesitate to respond here, I’d love for this to be more of a thread of girls wanting to be there for each other rather than a constant flow of dating advice (but don’t hesitate to ask those kind of questions either! Whatever God’s will is for this post, it will be so!) I’ll be keeping an eye on this thread so I’ll usually respond pretty fast.
Much love my fellow sisters in Christ,
|June 16, 2016 at 16:16|
wow! I just wanted to say that I really think that you should write a blog. I mean obviously pray about it, but this post really got me thinking.
|June 17, 2016 at 06:29|
Hi girlie! Wow thanks for the vote of confidence, I’ll definitely keep praying about it. I’m a writer to begin with, it’s this specifically that I’m prayerfully considering. I’m gonna get super real with you, navigating friendships with guys when I was younger was no problem mostly because they were first boys that I grew up with and so seeing them more as brothers than possible boyfriends had been grandfathered into our friendship when puberty hit.
But I feel like once I got to high school, there had been a gap where I only had one or two close guy friends and built more friendships with other girls because I was developing into less and less of a tomboy. I can think of at least two here on PI alone that talks about how to tell if a guy is interested in you. I’d maybe peruse those because they’re pretty good but I would prayerfully consider those posts. Guard your heart to them. They were written by humans after all.
That leads to my next point, I know you’ve probably heard it before but give it to God and pray about it. Ask Him if this is something you should continue to pursue that with the certain fella you have in mind. I think you’re on the right track with not dwelling on it but I would definitely pray about it.
I don’t know if it’s me or my upbringing but the guy you met briefly sorta has me seeing red flags. I know God is an infinite God but unless you’re feeling something more consistent from this guy, I wouldn’t really pursue it, especially since you said you might not see him again (but God is God, so anything is possible!). Distance aside though, his character seems a little immature to me, more talk the talk instead of walk the walk. He might say that you need a spiritual man but he doesn’t seem to have any kind of follow through to show you that he’s a spiritual man you should be looking at.
Girl you are totally fine! I word vomit all of the time, that’s what this thread is for! I wish you all the best!
|June 17, 2016 at 18:57|
Another note, I would honestly look through Phylicia’s posts in her singleness tag and click on some if they catch your eye. SO MUCH TRUTH. So good.
|June 17, 2016 at 19:21|
ok thanks so much for all your help, I got sorta the same advice about this online guy from others so I think it’s time for me to move on.
|June 18, 2016 at 20:30|
Yes! That’s me! 🙂
|June 19, 2016 at 14:20|
Very Inspirational! I’ve been feeling this way a lot since moving to college. I never dated in high school and I was hoping to during my college years. I met a very lovely boy and we hit it off very fast. After some time together, He ended up dumping me because “he felt it in his heart, we wouldn’t work out.” He left me heartbroken. To make matter worst I ended up finding out he only broke up with me for another girl. It tore me up inside. The first time I had ever been with a boy and opened my heart to someone, and this is what I got. I felt worthless and unloved. I had trouble sleeping and was blaming myself for the whole thing. I was begging God every night to show me the right man to end my singleness. I felt it was unfair he got to be with someone and I was alone. I wish I would have seen it as an opportunity to grow closer to God. It took me about a month but I finally picked up my head, started making time for church, started volunteering and joined a small group. I met some new friends that cheered up my trouble heart, andI’m very thankful that I have met them.
I think in “our time of singleness” is a great time to get to know who we really are and what plans God has for us. I think the best thing I’ve learned (something I saw on my Pinterest wall), is that our lives aren’t paused until we meet our “soulmates”. God has so much in store.
|December 28, 2016 at 10:54|
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