It started a year ago when I first met him at my church; he was a senior and I was a freshman. No biggie, right? But after that Wednesday night he hasn’t left my mind. Serious feelings have developed for him and recently (this past Friday), we admitted having feelings for each other. By the way he’s 19 and I’m 15. That’s something that worries us.. He’s not a Christian even though he attends church sometimes, he’s done some drugs, he’s definitely not a virgin, and he has a past. I’m not judging him here, but things concern me. First off the age. He said Friday that maybe in 2-3 years we can try a relationship and come out about our feelings, but right now it’s frowned upon. Totally understand! My feelings for him really grew in a years time, and now I’m in love with him. It’s crazy for someone of my age to claim such a degree of passion, but I know it’s true; as much as it hurts. He still wants to “talk” and hang out. I think I should mention that my Mom despises his family. It’s so difficult with the age and are we something, or are we nothing? I just need someone’s input. Because my nerves are so shot and I don’t think I can take just being friends with him.
|December 21, 2014 at 21:59|
I’m sorry to say this but this is definitely not a good idea. You are smart, you know that this age difference isn’t really acceptable. I know that this is a difficult situation and you have developed real feelings for this guy, but I think you should do your best to let go. Age difference aside, you say he doesn’t know Christ, and you should definitely try to not get involved with a guy who doesn’t love God. I’m not saying that you should judge him for his past or whatever, but you need to be cautious about it as well. In my opinion, this is just a really sticky situation and the best thing to do is to just get away from it. You don’t need the extra stress of trying to deal with something like this and make a relationship work that is not God honoring. I know it’s so hard to let go and stop having feelings for someone. I’m really sorry that you have to go through this. But you should really think about the future. Is this a guy that you see yourself marrying and having your families joined? Would that marriage help your walk with God. I realize that you aren’t thinking about marriage, but that is what dating leads to (or is supposed to lead to) so it’s important to consider. I hope this helps, even if it’s just a little bit 🙂
|December 26, 2014 at 17:25|
Thank you! This really hurt having to read, but I know it’s the truth. I honestly really appreciate you taking your time to help me.
|December 26, 2014 at 20:57|
Hun, it definitely sounds like you’re walking on tough ground here. For one, you both really need to be on the same level spiritually before entering in a relationship. It can really damage your relationship with God if he’s not helping you along in your spiritual life. Also, DO wait those 2-3 years before even considering dating. In those years you might realize that those love feelings fade. Believe me, I have been in a place where I’ve fallen deeply in love, but usually the intense feelings will disappear with time. If they don’t however, really do decide what is better for you. It sounds like it’s important to you that his family and your family are good with each other. It also sounds like he has quite a past and also a big age gap. He also as you said isn’t following the Lord. Honey, there are some things that you will discover that you can’t sacrifice just for a boyfriend. There are some lines you know you can’t cross just to be with him. I’m sorry, but unless there are some major changes made in his life in the next few years, it doesn’t seem to be working out.
|December 26, 2014 at 23:15|
Older guys can definitely want to take advantage (not saying this guy you are in love with is doing that) of us younger girls.
Some older guys just like the fact of being the dominant one, the “more life experience” person, in the relationship, because they are with a younger person that might not understand life like they do just yet… and they can use that to control you in ways and you become almost like their “pet.”
You should pray for him, and being in love is such an intense emotion, or it could simply be infatuation, I see he’s being wise by waiting until you’re 18 to start dating you, but you can also get dragged down by his worldly ways.
|January 2, 2015 at 18:06|
It’s been 5 months since he ended things with me (very abruptly), and I’m not doing so well. I thought maybe, if I was lucky, feelings would eventually fade and become bearable. But they haven’t. If anything my love for him has intensified with him being gone. I tell him I miss him all the time, and I know I shouldn’t be doing so, but I want him to know. I was praying about it but somewhere along the way I stopped and I think the pain is God trying to pull me back into his fold. This guy is hurting me every day and he’s not even around. We’re trying to be friends, but he has no clue how intense my feelings are. When I see him I feel like I’m breaking inside and that my bones are being pounded to powder. I want to keep praying, but I’m scared. Scared for him and for me. I promise here and now that I’ll turn back to God and pray and read my Bible more. Just some prayers for this particular situation would be appreciated. I never thought in a million years I could ever have feelings for anyone, but here he was, ready to set me ablaze and watch me burn.
|June 22, 2015 at 15:33|
I’m sorry, girly. 🙁 That’s tough. But it will get better, it just takes time. Believe me, I had a guy that I liked and possibly loved for over seven years. He just kept popping into my life and no matter what others said, I wanted him. What I’ve realized is that, for now, he’s not the person I want to be with. But I also have another guy, a much better one, that I think I may eventually date. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that we may care for people, but they are not always the ones for us. And, honestly, maybe he is. Some people go through dramatic changes in their lives that make them better people. I think that your love may be the same way. He’s still young, and he’s got a lot to learn. He may come back to God soon. 🙂 Anyway, in the meantime, here are a few things to remember:
|June 23, 2015 at 06:11|
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