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Freaking Stupid College Pressure and why oh why can't i be myself?

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  AdventureGirl 4 months, 1 week ago.

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So I’m starting school this fall. I’m 21 and a freshman (I have a couple college classes finished but that’s it. Why I didn’t start sooner is a long story) Anyway, first of all, I have to room with 3 18 year olds, which I’m a little nervous about, just because it might be annoying?! Sorry if that sounds mean…idk I just feel like we’ll be at different places/maturity levels with different goals. Am I over reacting???

I also feel all this pressure to have fun. Ok that sounds weird, but seriously, I feel so much pressure to go to parties, and have the “college experience” except I don’t even want the college experience and I don’t want to party. I keep hearing “college is the greatest time of your life!” or of how much people change and grow in college. I want to change and grow, but I feel like now I’m putting so much pressure on the “college experience” that I have officially freaked myself out. I had overwhelming anxiety today.

The thing is, I’d so much rather grab coffee with someone and have a deep conversation than party with a bunch of people till the wee hours of the morning. I’d much rather go shopping, find fun restaurants and explore my city. Also, I have to work and find scholarships so naturally that’s freaking me out too, I’M SO FREAKING OVERWHELMED GUYS. (And obviously becoming crazy :P)

And I’d so, so much rather run some obstacle course races, do crossfit, maybe go bungee jumping, and yes, study. Study. Why yes, I like school. I actually like feeling accomplished, understanding a subject, working hard and whatnot. I want to become fluid in another language and I want to study abroad.

I want to just feel happy and good about myself for living on my own, working and going to school at the same time.

I think I have FOMO (fear of missing out). But mainly, I have FOWPTOM (Fear of what people think of me 😛 ) Like I’m boring or whatever for not wanting to party.
I guess I’m afraid that if I’m not like everyone else I won’t find any friends. I know logically there’s nothing wrong with what I want to do, I’m just afraid I won’t find anyone to do it with.

June 14, 2016 at 14:26


Btw, if any of you want to be part of an email loop (for stressed people who are freaking out and want to share their fear with others) just leave your email and we can all chat 🙂

June 14, 2016 at 14:27


1. You don’t have to be best friends with your roommates
2. An age difference doesn’t mean you can’t/won’t be friends
Having just finished my first year of college…I still have no idea what I’m talking about. But I’ll try. 😀
I’m 18, but some of my best new friends are 2-3 years older than me, so age isn’t much of a determining factor in my experience.
The college experience…I guess depends on what classes you’re taking. For me, I took a lot of classes with a lot of homework, I wouldn’t have had time to party even if I wanted to. But that’s okay with me, because that’s the experience I was after. If you don’t want to go to parties, you certainly don’t have to to have a good time and experience college, in my opinion. And you won’t be alone in that, either.
I can’t imagine having to work (enough to live on my own) while going to school, so that sounds pretty impressive to me. You should definitely feel good about yourself for that 😀
Otherwise, don’t worry what people think of you. I know that’s easier said than done, but you really have to try to let it go. The people who judge you and think you’re “boring or whatever” simply aren’t worth your time. 😀
More advice: get to know your professors. In my experience, they’re really quite awesome people with interesting stories and advice much better than mine. 😀

Also, I’ll join an email group. Why not? 😀 leatherssara2@gmail.com

June 14, 2016 at 18:45


Thank you so much Rainbowuni, your answer really helped. I’m sure nothing is as terrible as I was imagining it to be, sometimes my brain just tries to find the absolute worst case scenario for everything I encounter. 😛

June 15, 2016 at 12:38


If that helps you, I’m already in my fourth semester and never even once visited a party, even though there are plenty of them. So far, nobody has given me a strange look when I told them that 🙂 Well, I haven’t found “best friends” so far, but I’ve got some people that I can hang out with in the breaks 🙂 Some of them do go to parties or drink, but they never put pressure on me to come with them. We can even talk about things like marriage and I don’t feel like a stranger even if their life plans are different from mine. Well, maybe that is because we’re about 30,000 students at my university and around 4,000 freshmen every year, so there must be at least some nice people ^^

Do you all share the same room? I think that this point could be the most problematic because of different bed times, tastes in music etc. Can you meet the girls beforehand to see if you get along? And it would be very helpful to make some rules at the beginning. I don’t know how the rules are at your college… are girls allowed to have boys in their rooms? I do have a single appartment, but since the walls are very thin… I’ve shared a lot of … intense … moments with the girl next door :O So if it isn’t already forbidden, I would make up such a rule 😀 I don’t know that much about these kind of dorms as in Germany we usually don’t share a bedroom; even if there are some people sharing a flat in a dorm, everybody has his or her own room (and they even have mixed flats here).

June 15, 2016 at 13:53


Ok good to hear! My university is pretty big too, so I’m sure I’ll be able to find some people similar to me 🙂 My apt is off campus and yes, we all have our own rooms thankfully. I don’t get to meet them beforehand (boooo!) because I’m out of state for the summer.

Thanks for replying <3

June 15, 2016 at 14:02
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