I have been sick for two years now. I have Lyme disease, tics, and severe digestive issues. I spent about a year and a half trying to find a diagnosis. I was in severe pain everyday in my stomach and fatigue. This past summer, I didn’t even get out of bed, I barely left the house. I wouldn’t say I was angry with God then, exactly. More like doubtful of His faithfulness. I didn’t think God would heal me. As my pain got worse, I got sadder. I started to listen to sad, dark music and read depressing things. These eventually led to depression and suicidal thoughts. For about two months I battled with these thoughts. My pain continued to increase and I couldn’t find an answer. I thought about killing myself but never made any plans. I thank God for that, who knows where I would be now if I had. Those thoughts passed in time, but I still wasn’t really close to God. I kept telling myself that He wouldn’t heal me. By this time, I had been through so much. Three ER visits, a bunch of tests, so much blood drawn. I still had more tests to do. On the way to one which I was especially worries about, out of nowhere (of course it wasn’t nowhere, it was God’s perfect timing) , I decided to trust Him. I made the decision to believe that God was going to make everything right, that it was going to be OK. I went through that test ok. And when I was done, I realized that God was with me, always had been. I realized that He would heal me. I’m still not well at this time, I still cannot leave the house. But I have a diagnosis and I have a hope. I trust that God will heal me. Through this, I have grown stronger in Him. Through this, He haa changed my plans from music school to a school of missions. I want now want to help others,I can empathize with their pain. I can tell them that even though you will have pain in this life, even though it may never fully go away, that God is always there. And that one day, in heaven, we will see Jesus and all our pain will be disappear, and every tear will be wiped from our eyes.
|February 8, 2015 at 23:01|
<3<3 I have health issues too and it's definitely hard to have faith and trust in that situation! I have dealt with the depression stuff too, and I'm finally getting past it. That's great that you were able to start trusting God 🙂 I hope you're doing ok! (I know this is an old post)
|April 30, 2016 at 20:03|
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.