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Having a Lot of Trouble

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  marysetrueblood 1 year, 9 months ago.

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theoutsidersgirl

theoutsidersgirl

So sometimes I feel fine. But then other times (like right now) I really hate being a girl. No, not in the “I’m transgender way” but in the “I’m not good enough because I’m a girl” way. Like guys get everything. . Guys are just told to love their wives, not respect them. Girls are told to respect their husbands, not love them. Maybe I want to be respected, too. Guys are the leaders. Idk it just bugs be because its like, well, why did God make me a girl? Was I not good enough to be a guy? And then I start to feel horrible because I think God might be mad at me for feeling this way. So idk. Thoughts on all this? Also, maybe some perks of being a girl?

February 16, 2015 at 19:44
marysetrueblood

marysetrueblood

You’re not less because you’re a girl, love. Girls can lead, and win, and fight. People tell you differently because people are sexist, but that does not mean you are not worth your every dream and hope.
I’d tell you there’s a good reasons guys get everything, but there’s not. Just sexism and years of dominane. But you are so wonderful and such a good human being, no inherently different from a guy. And God knows that. He knows his girls are just as amazing as his guys, and it’s only idiots here on earth who think otherwise–God’s no sexist.
So really, just remind yourself that guys aren’t advantaged because they’re better, they’re advantaged because the system’s not fair. and that God think’s you’re amazing and makes no distinction that you’re a girl.

February 17, 2015 at 06:18
Speak4Elohim

Speak4Elohim

Ah, okay Mary, I guess I’ll write this post for you AND theoutsidersgirl.

I have 3 brothers and a dad, and a close guy friend who, having 3 sisters, understands that sometimes girls totally don’t get what goes on in a guy’s mind, and we need to be told. So none of this is from assumption, but from actual fact. Okay, first, you said ” Guys are just told to love their wives, not respect them. Girls are told to respect their husbands, not love them. Maybe I want to be respected, too. ” Something you probably don’t understand about guys is that love IS respect in their eyes. For a girl, we can seperate love and respect. We can love people, and not respect them. That’s why women, in general, are more able to love their enemies, love their family members that don’t respect them, and even stay in abusive marriages (I’m definitely NOT saying that’s okay If you’re in an abusive relationship, get out NOW!!!) It’s just sorta a given that we women are going to love our husbands, but we need to be told to respect them. I mean c’mon, when he’s driving your family into debt for the second time, or he’s not really listening to God, it’s SERIOUSLY hard to respect that man! For a guy though, there is no separation. Love is respect and respect is love. Very, very, very few men have EVER been able to accomplish truly loving someone without respecting them, and if you do not show respect to your husband, father, brother, or guy friend, they’re not going to believe you if you say you love them. To a guy, you CANNOT love without respecting. So God basically IS telling husbands to respect their wives when he says to love them!

“Guys are the leaders… Was I not good enough to be a guy?” Whoa there sister! Men and women have equal roles, one is not above the other, one is not lesser than the other! Yes, we have different roles! Just take a moment and imagine if every man and woman was the protector, the provider,etc… then where would be the homemakers? Where would be the nurturers? First of all, as woman we are raising the next generation of men and women! The mother is the glue that holds the family together! She is the loving hand at the end of a hard day, the gentle rebuke to a rebellious child! Without the nurturer, the warrior literally would not even exist! Now, some women ARE called to be warriors for God! Called to fight the good fight along their husbands, wielding the sword with all strength and skill! But how much greater a blessing to be the strength behind the brave warrior charging into battle! While God is the ultimate strength for every man, woman, boy, and girl, the mothers, sisters, friends, and wives are what can keep a man going. What becomes of a man who has nothing to fight for? What about when his strength has failed, he has fallen, and his spirit is broken? Who, if his wife is too busy fighting will inspire him to greater heights? You are charged with the duty of inspiring! You are the gentle words, urging him to stand up and continue the battle, the one whispering “I believe in you. You are strong enough. You can do this!” The truth is that men can be fragile. If they are not allowed to be the warriors and protectors, they can feel quite worthless. Now, do not be confused! A woman can fight! Look at Deborah! But that is not God’s original plan. Did Mary protect and provide? No. But she is recognized as one of the greatest women of the Bible! And who was she? A loving mother and a faithful wife. Oh, and if it helps, there’s this machine that simulates the pain a woman feels during childbirth, and while thousands of women throughout history have given birth to children, no man has been able to remain hooked up to that machine for more than a few hours. 😉 So yeah, they aren’t the only strong ones out there. Oh, and here’s an article by one of my favorite authors that I think might help to answer a few more of your questions!
http://theauthorschair.com/2015/02/08/message-for-young-women-speak-the-truth-live-the-truth-be-the-truth/

Love,
Katie
(kat.romanov1@gmail.com)

February 17, 2015 at 12:49
theoutsidersgirl

theoutsidersgirl

I read somewhere that Deborah leading caused them to feel “ashamed.” Like a girl being a leader is literally shameful to people. I just feel like… owned by men. Also, we refer to God as HE. Like everything is so male-centered that I kind of feel left out I guess. If women are good enough, why can’t God be referred to as either He or she? Idk, I just feel messed up. Like I said, I have struggled with this for a long time, and prayed about it, and sometimes it feels like I have conquered it but then I haven’t and I feel sad again. Women also don’t have a choice in childbirth. I’m sure a man could stay hooked up if he was forced. Idk. Why can’t we decide for ourselves who are the leaders? It’s automatically the men. I need to do whatever my future husband says. Because he is a man. I’m really not trying to seem like I’m shooting down everything you say, btw. I’m just… I guess my feelings are hurt about being a girl?

February 17, 2015 at 20:18
marysetrueblood

marysetrueblood

Because sexists made society. And they were even nastier sexists than we are.
Thiugh admittedly, I don’t actually know anyone who legitimately things GOD has a gender. For a long time “he” was the default pronoun we have to anything, even inanimate objects. So it’s the linguistic default. I’ve actually seen people from some sects who call god He OR She, or who say “They” or just use no pronouns at all for God. Most agree, though, that gender is a strictly human thing and that God is not human and does not have concepts like gender that apply.
And men are considered the default because they were oppressively in charge for years, trying to dominate women, and set up societies with that system in mind. Sadly, women who are just as capable, have to work ten times as hard as the boys in this society. That’s not because of how we are, it’s because of how society is. And God is not Society.
As far as no choice in childbirth, you do, technically. You don’t have to have children. You can also adopt, instead.
That one is just a thing about biology. But if it helps, the female body can CREATE LIFE, and carry that inside of it and make a new person. The male body? Totally nowhere near as hardcore. Boys are wimps.

February 18, 2015 at 07:30
Marcy

Marcy

I struggled with this for a long time, and honestly can’t really say I’ve got it all figured out now. These are a couple things that have helped me:
–Knowing that I’m a girl because I’m a girl and there isn’t anything else that makes me more or less of a girl. For a long time, I felt I wasn’t enough of a girl or was too much of a guy because of how I felt. But then I realized I am a girl period. There’s no such thing as not being enough of a girl. You’re a girl, plain and simple. I don’t know if that’s a struggle for you, but figuring that out was really important for me.
–Marriage is a partnership. I know a lot of couples where the man is the leader. The truth is, in all the couples I know, while officially the man is in charge, it’s more of a case of leader and righthand man. Technically, a king is in charge, but his righthand man has a lot of influence and calls a lot of the shots, especially in anything he’s better at than the king. In couples like that, yes, the man is in charge and when nothing else can be done and someone has to make the final decision, it’s his responsibility (and his fault if it turns out to be a mess), but the way it usually works is they are a team, the wife has a lot of influence, they make big decisions together, and they both defer to the one with more knowledge in specific areas.
–Men aren’t just told to love their wives. They’re told to love their wives like Christ loved the church and to give their lives for them. Christian love is doing everything said in 1 Corinthians 13. Guys certainly didn’t get off easy with being told to love their wives. As a culture, we often think of love as a easy, good feeling, but Biblical love is tough and that’s what men are required to do towards their wives. (Also, I don’t think any guy could be disrespectful to his wife and still be loving her in the Biblical sense.)

Also something you might like: I’ve noticed as I’ve been reading Proverbs lately that virtues, namely Wisdom, are given feminine pronouns. I thought that is was pretty cool that in the Bible, Wisdom is a lady.

February 18, 2015 at 09:39
Speak4Elohim

Speak4Elohim

God has given males the role of leadership in the home, and so since God is our leader, and so as not to confuse out finite minds, we refer to Him as He. God is neither male nor female. He CREATED male and female, He is neither. Also, like Marcy said, virtues such as Wisdom are called “she” The problem you have is NOT that you’re a girl, it’s that society has you fooled into thinking that to be worth anything you have to be a leader, you have to be in charge. Let me tell you something, a leader is NOTHING without people following him. It is the followers that make a leader great, sweetheart! And honestly, glory and honor aren’t all that great. The Bible even says that it’s better to be unknown, to pray and do your good works in secret, that that is more pleasing to God than being the center of attention in your good works. Leaders don’t have that option, they are on display for the world to see and judge every itty bitty thing they do. The problem sweetheart, is that you see feminine traits and the gift of womanhood to be less significant than leadership and strength. Proverbs says “The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools.” and in 2 Corinthians “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Look, a society where men don’t do their part fails, and a society where women don’t do their part fails. Don’t you think that God has a reason for each role? God is just, hon, He is literally the absolute most fair person in the universe. He IS fairness… so whether we in our finite minds can see it or not, everything is perfectly balanced and perfectly equal that God has ordained. You know, in my church the women aren’t even allowed to speak during the service and stuff. However, each man listens VERY closely to what his wife has to say, because they know she is wise, and probably sees more of the story than he does. The older men stress to the younger men what a fool he is if he does not listen to the wisdom of his wife. leadership is what you seem to be craving. Leadership is NOT everything. And if it helps, men have to obey God in the same way you have to obey your husband, so it’s not like you’re the only one who has to obey. We are the slaves (you heard right!) of God. And He is the perfect, holy, fair (remember, true fairness, not what humans often see as “fair”) and loving.

February 18, 2015 at 12:49
theoutsidersgirl

theoutsidersgirl

I actually DID notice that about Wisdom, which was really cool! Of course it doesn’t help that boys think I look like I boy apparently. Valentine’s day of last year, I was in the lunch line with my best guy friend and i was messing around saying he should let me in front of him, so I turn to think guy and said “Tell him it’s lady’s first.” and he goes “You’re a girl????” Hahaha I know, problem for another post. But I have to be a girl and can’t even look like a girl?

February 18, 2015 at 13:59
marysetrueblood

marysetrueblood

There’s no such thing as looking like a girl. Or rather… Here are the steps of How To Look Like A Girl
Step 1. Be a girl (literally, just exist while female)
Step 2. Be visible to others.
Congrats, you look like a girl.

February 18, 2015 at 19:35
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