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He's Confused???

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  ktuck22 1 year, 6 months ago.

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So there’s this guy I’ve known since elementary school and we’ve been talking recently (we’re both going to be seniors in high school). We actually have been on two dates already, and although fast, it’s obvious we really like each other and he wants to make us official (my first ever boyfriend! Ah!). I told him that he needs to make it official in person, and we haven’t been able to see each other since school’s been out, so we’re technically… not official yet. But we will be soon 🙂 He’s a really great guy: gentleman, opens doors for me, is super sweet and funny and has his morals all in line. He’s the definition of the “nice guy.”
Here’s the thing (ugh, there’s always a catch!!!): he’s not actually a Christian, he says. He says he used to go to church every Sunday but his family just kind-of stopped. He says he doesn’t really know what he believes right now, which is pretty common at our age. It’s confusing enough to commit to a college, let alone the Almighty God. Plus, he’s been flip-flopping on his career choice and that could be a distraction as well. Anyway, he’s open to Christianity, still goes to his friend’s youth group when he stays with him, and says he completely understands and respects how important faith is to me and what I do. His morals, as I said, are all sound (no sex, drugs, alcohol, blah blah blah) and he’s a really great and respectful guy and I like him a lot. God’s not gone, He’s just not totally… there.
Here’s what I need help with: I want to expose him to God without it feeling like a mission trip. I’ve thought about inviting him to youth group, but he wouldn’t really know anyone there and might be uncomfortable. I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to force him into anything. I really like this guy a lot and he likes me too. I just don’t want to feel like a preacher when I want to feel like a girlfriend. I definitely want to show him God, but I don’t want it to seem pushy. Any help with that? It would be appreciated.

May 31, 2015 at 19:27


I’ve been in this situation before, not exactly but i know where youre coming from. You dont want to seem pushy, but at the same time you really like him and you want to date him and you want him to be on good terms with God. The question is, is if he is still open to the idea of letting God back into his life. If he is, then thats great and you can take him to church and bible studies or youth group. But, if not then you might have a little more work to do. Either way you dont want to sound pushy.
But, heres the potential problem. “Nice people” dont get into Heaven. And someone can be the nicest person youve ever met, but if they are not a Christian, then they arent a Christian and their morals arent going to line up with yours in the long run. I know what you said about his morals still being intact, but you need to figure out why he doesnt go to church anymore. If its because of resentment or rejection or defiance then you should not pursue a relationship with him. Because im my experience it doesnt work out, yall can be 100% compatible on every other level, but if following Christ isnt one of them then youre not compatible at all.
So what i would do is figure out that, and depending on his answer either end or pursue this relationship. I know it can be hard to walk away from a seemingly perfect relationship but youve just gotta trust your instincts.

BUT, if hes just gotten lazy and he still wants a relationship with God, then heres how to slowly get him involved back into church. Theres going to be a few awkward days starting out, but thats just normal. Maybe make the suggestion that your church is having an event coming up soon and see how he reacts. If he seems interested then you can casually suggest going together. Just do simple things and events like that to get him more comfortable around your church family. I think over time he will get more used to the idea and church will become a regular thing for yall. 🙂

Hope this helped!

June 2, 2015 at 08:02


Yeah, he says he doesn’t know exactly where he stands or “what [he] believe[s] in” at this moment, which is pretty common at our age, I think– like a phase. I haven’t asked why his family stopped going to church, but I assume (and yes, this is a total assumption) that his family just got out of the habit.
My mom and I talked about this today and she said “just give it time” and I think that’s what I’ll do. I’ll do what you said: invite him to casual things and introduce him to people and try to get him more comfortable around them. But if it seems like he’s reluctant or he doesn’t seem like he really wants to bring God back into his life, then we’ll part. I know what it’s like to really like someone but realize that they’re not going the same way I am. It sucks, but it’s for the best.
You’re completely right, and thank you so much for helping me out. All I can really do right now is give it time and try to reintroduce God to him in tiny portions at first.

The thing is, I never seem to attract straight-up Christians. And I’m starting to wonder if it’s me.

June 2, 2015 at 19:51
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