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How fast is too fast? Is fast good or bad?

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends Relationships How fast is too fast? Is fast good or bad?

This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  aislinnc99 1 year, 9 months ago.

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Is going too fast in a relationship a personal preference or should there be limits to how fast a relationship develops? Also, if a relationship is developing quickly, is it a good thing or a bad thing?

February 16, 2015 at 07:43


It depends on what type of “fast” you’re talking about. If you mean emotionally, then I think that can be a good thing—it’s great if you’re feeling really emotionally connected to someone and can trust that person. If it’s physically, though, then yes, there should definitely be limits placed. As Christians, God calls us to a life of purity, and as far as the “how fast/far is too fast/far” thing goes, I believe it’s partially an issue of Christian liberty. If a certain action brings sexual temptation or lust, that action should not be done. One couple may be able to comfortably lie on the couch and watch a movie in a pure way, but if another couple feels tempted to go further physically by laying together, they shouldn’t do that. The question everyone should be asking is not, “How far can I go but still honor God?” Instead, you should ask how you can make this relationship as God-honoring as humanly possible. Setting physical boundaries is always very important in a relationship.

I hope that made some form of sense, haha. I don’t quite know how to put my thoughts into words sometimes. (:

February 16, 2015 at 10:44


That helps, thank you 🙂

February 16, 2015 at 10:50
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Some advice and some encouragement!

The advice — It’s important to remember that it takes a long time to really get to know someone. Though your intimacy — either emotionally or physically — can progress quickly, actually getting to know someone happens slowly, no matter how much chemistry you have. It actually takes a whole lifetime to really get to know someone, that’s one of the things that makes marriage so beautiful.

Don’t let your level of intimacy exceed your level of commitment. My pastor told me that once, and I think it’s such wise advice. It applies to both emotional and physical intimacy. Remember that commitment is hard. Commitment is messy. It hurts sometimes. You’re committing to love a person even when they’re broken and messy and hurting and even when they lash out. (Of course, if a relationship is unhealthy, leaving that relationship is the most loving thing to do.) But assuming the relationship is healthy, commitment should still be taken seriously. It should be eased into. It should be a little scary. If you’re very quickly becoming emotionally intimate with someone, but you’re not very committed to each other — or you verbally promise commitment, but don’t deeply understand what that means — then you may end up very hurt.

But even if you end up hurt? Our God is a healer, and the healer of the deepest hurts. He’ll always have his arms wide open ready to run to you and welcome you home, no matter how much you’ve been hurt, or how much you’ve hurt another.

So with that, on to the encouragement! Always remember that your purity doesn’t depend on your performance. The bible says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of god. Jesus compares ALL of us to dirty rags — even the ones who save their first kisses for marriage and who go to church every Sunday.

We are called to live pure, but our purity doesn’t come from behavior, it comes from Jesus’ death, from God’s grace and love. You don’t “stay pure” — every day each of us needs to be made pure again by God’s love and grace. The beauty of the gospel is that you can’t do anything to make God love you more, and you can’t do anything to make him love you less.

He loves you because you exist. Period.

God’s like the kindest most wonderful friend ever. He loves you enough that he wants you to have a healthy relationship, where you have healthy boundaries and hard conversations, and where your intimacy is always protected by commitment. But if you screw up? If you go to fast and fall and get hurt, or if you go too slow and start to get numb to life? He’s not going to stand and scold you, he’s going to come right up close to you and hold you and brush your tears away and tell you how beloved you are to him.

March 6, 2015 at 19:13


Wow! Thank you!

March 7, 2015 at 06:03
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