Growing up i wasn’t raised in church, my parents never talked about God, or the bible, but i always felt like there was someone there who was always watching out for me.
From the time i was in Kindergarten, i was always bullied, and constantly beaten up by boys, things got so bad i didn’t want to go to school anymore
The first time i went to church, i was about 9 years old, i went with my best friend Amy and her mom, i don’t really remember much other than running around and having fun with the other kids my age. but however i do remember the verse we learned that night,
I only went to church a few times with her, before our friendship ended, the next year was a struggle for me losing my only friend, and then also coming so close to losing my mom in December of 2003, i remember as all this was happening on Christmas Day, just praying “God, if you’re really there, please save my mom, please don’t let her die” luckily my mom survived.
growing up i never was the skinniest or prettiest girl around, so i was constantly picked on, things used to get so bad i would spend hours crying and wondering why i was created to be so ugly and fat.
The next few years were the same, always being bullied, and beaten up, when i was 11 i was almost raped by a boy who was in my class, but luckily another kid stopped him.
When i entered middle school things really took a turn for the worst, that’s when i started getting depressed, i started cutting, and i started attempting suicide, i was still getting beaten, and bullied, but i was also getting raped. The first time i was raped i was 13 years old. About a month later i found out i was pregnant, after telling the father he beat me, and i lost the child
This happened several more times throughout middle school, When i entered in high school i tried anything i could to fit in, so i started sleeping around a lot, and the vicious cycle would continue, i’d get pregnant and eventually lose the baby because i’d get beaten
My Sophomore year was the worst, thats when i started partying, i’d get drunk, and smoke pot, then i’d sleep around, or end up getting raped by 3 or 4 guys at a time
Right after this started happening i began to go back to church with my brother and some of his friends, i’m not going to lie, i only went because i was promised big handfuls of candy, the more i started hearing people talk about God the more i wondered if it was all true or some made up story
After my sophomore year ended, my family moved, i finally got away from all my problems, or so i thought. My Junior year began and i’d still be bullied, i’d still cut, and contemplate suicide, i got raped a few more times after moving to my new school, and i also had another miscarriage
My Self esteem continued to be horrible, i mean who wants to be with a girl who guys only see as a punching bag or a sex doll? i never felt beautiful enough for anyone
My Senior year came, this was the year the bullying was so bad i wanted to drop out of school, or just die. i had no friends or anyone who really cared about me.
After graduation nothing spectacular happened, i didn’t go to college right away i just started working, and continuing to go to church, work also had its challenges, i worked with my brother so i was always compared to him. people just never understood we are two seperate people
Fast forward to last year, i found this site, and i would get on the chat, looking for answers about who God really was. then i met this girl, she has been nothing but amazing to me, she helped me understand the truth about God, and she also helped me see what true friends are like. she loves me unconditionally.
December 9, 2014 was the day i accepted Jesus. he has shown me that no matter what i’ve gone through in the past, as long as i focus on him, he’s got a bright future for me
so yeah i’ve been raped 30+ times
but i have Jesus. the most important thing of all
|April 13, 2015 at 09:13|
You are beautiful and wonderful. I love you and I love that you told your story. You are so incredibly strong.
|April 28, 2015 at 05:51|
Oh, you’re beautiful! Glad you received Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal Savior. Always lean on Him. He’s the best friend you could ever have… He will always be there for you, 24/7! Keep on, keeping on serving God! 🙂
|May 29, 2015 at 19:47|
|August 9, 2015 at 10:57|
|November 5, 2015 at 22:14|
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