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How to know when a friendship is toxic?

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends Relationships How to know when a friendship is toxic?

This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  EmeraRider 1 year, 1 month ago.

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Hey there,
My bestfriend of many years got a bf. She started to put him first in EVERYTHING. (Yes, and I mean everything). She’d cut class to hang at his house (even though his parents banned this) and started to plan her future around this 17 year old guy. She started to distance herself from me, we used to text and hang out everyday and now I’m lucky if she even responds to them. She, at times, has told me things in confidence which has really hurt me but I left them slide- bad move on my part- as I knew she had been down. Recently, I pulled her aside and told her how I felt. She didn’t get mad but since I opened up and was honest, we haven’t been speaking. I met some other Christians girls and I absolutely love spending time with them. Everybody’s feelings are valued equally and when there is a problem they sit each other down and just talk about: it was really refreshing. I feel much happier and appreciated with them and best of all: I never feel ashamed if I bring up God. All of us took part in this community volunteering project and made all these new friends too. But, when planning to help other people, apart of me felt a little bad. My old bestie, isn’t happy and I can tell that even if we aren’t speaking. But when I was in her life all she cared about was her bf; I’d just thirdwheel. She didn’t take an interest in what I had to say and just talk over me all the time and, on occasion, say hurtful things. My mum says that some people only appreciate what they have when they lose it; I should just walk away and leave her and eventually I’ll get over it. Hmmmm, I’m just unsure though. Is this one of those times where the bestfriend should stick at their bestfriends side? I think about her less and less as I made new friends who I am very close to but once in a while when something comes up, like the newest instalment of the HG, I think of all the good times we had and whether that’s worth fighting for again.

November 1, 2015 at 23:50


All you need to ask yourself is this: is this friend making you feel good about yourself? If being around your friend makes you upset more than it makes you feel happy, if being around her is emotionally draining for you, if you feel like you’re trying and she isn’t, then it’s toxic.
I know that when you think about the good times, it makes you want to fight for it, and that’s perfectly fine. If it’s worth it, then I would try talking to her about it again. This could just be a rough patch you just need to get through. But if nothing changes and she keeps acting this way and it’s making you hurt, then it’s okay to realize that you can move on and keep growing. God will give you people who will be able to treat you even better in the future. Don’t let toxic people hinder your growth.

November 3, 2015 at 14:15
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