My boyfriend and I have been together for a while. We are planning on marrying eventually, and we are in a very serious relationship. I have always felt uncomfortable around his family though. He has three older sisters, both parents, a nephew, and a niece. Compared to just my family of me and my mom it was always a bit overwhelming. I’ve slowly started to feel better around them, actually enjoying my time over at his house.
Yesterday though, my boyfriend and one of his sisters (the one closest to his age) got into a fight. He texted me afterward about how he currently isn’t talking to her because she insulted me. He wouldn’t tell me what she said though. (He knows the limits of what I can handle so its a bad sign that it was so bad that he knows I won’t be able to handle it.)
This has completely changed how I feel about going over to his house now. I no longer want to go over there at all. If his sister had been thinking bad things about me all this time and barely vocalized them now, I can only imagine what the rest of his family thinks of me and isn’t saying.
My boyfriend is extremely hurt by my decision to no longer go over, even for holidays. He has assured me that the rest of his family likes me and that his oldest sister even stood up for me over what his other sister said. I just don’t know if I believe him. He used to say ALL his family liked me and look how that turned out.
Should I reconsider my decision not to go over ever again? Or should I stick by it? I usually don’t ask for relationship advice, but I honestly don’t know what to do.
|June 5, 2015 at 07:41|
Well I know we don’t agree on many things but I am in a relationship and want to help. Maybe, as hard as it may be, you need to sit yourself down and consider exactly how much you love him. I think it’s best to know exactly how much you’re willing to sacrifice and deal with when it concerns him. Do you really trust him? (That’s not a question for me that’s just one of those “therapy” questions you have to consider) because if you say you don’t know if you really believe him or not could possibly be a bad sign. And trust me, trust is huge in a relationship. I’d also consider how much time you’d think you’d have to be around his family if there was an issue. Would it be just occasional visits? Once, twice a year? Or would it be like a weekly thing? That could also determine your health too, as crazy as that sounds. I wouldn’t want you to be so stressed about seeing his family that it makes you ill, because I’ve seen that happen too. So that’s another factor to consider. Like I said, maybe a good long heart to heart with yourself might help you feel better and clear some things up. I hope this helped.
|June 5, 2015 at 22:46|
Thanks for replying to this 🙂
I honestly do love my boyfriend. In that “I want to be with you for the rest of my life without a doubt way”. I know this because instead of going to college up state like I always wanted, I’ll be staying where we currently live because that’s what he wants to be close to his family.
Taking the above into consideration I would have to see his family a decent amount of time for the next few years.
I do trust my boyfriend. I guess it’s my own insecurities getting it the way of me believing what he said. I’m a natural worrier, and I’m just worried that his family has secretly not liked me this whole time. In my heart I know it’s not true, his nephew loves me and his extended family always invites me over. It’s just now I have this irational fear.
|June 6, 2015 at 08:28|
Ahhhhh I see. Well, is there a way to sit down and discuss it with his sister that made the comment? Or is it one of those situations best left alone? Because sometimes talking through things help, but I also know that that doesn’t always work with people and can make the situation worse.
|June 6, 2015 at 11:21|
You know I actually didn’t even think of that. lol that would seem like the most logical thing to do but it never came to mind. I think I’ll sit down and talk with her. She’s not scary at all (that would be his mother), so despite knowing she insulted me I’d be able to handle sitting down with her. Thanks so much for the suggestion.
|June 7, 2015 at 06:47|
No problem. And good luck with it all! I hope it works out for the best.
|June 7, 2015 at 21:45|
I think speaking with the sister is a good idea.
It’s possible that the sister really doesn’t have anything against you, she’s just upset because her brother has a serious girlfriend.
Confession: I really, really didn’t like my sister’s boyfriend (now husband) when she met him about 6 years ago. A couple of siblings didn’t either, and we ended up getting into an enormous fight over it.
So my advice would be to definitely speak with her, and if she still doesn’t like you give her time. Just because she doesn’t like you doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. If it’s awkward going over there, just ask God to give you wisdom on what to say (James 1:5) if you have to speak with her, and other than that, well, try to ignore her.
|June 9, 2015 at 13:24|
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