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I feel like everything is crumbling.

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Pippylongstockings 1 year, 10 months ago.

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Project Inspired

Pippylongstockings

Hey, guys…I’m not even sure how to write this, but I’ll give it a shot. I’m also not sure how much sense this is gonna make, since it’s late (and I apologize if I come across as whiny…but I didn’t realize how upset I was until I started writing this)

Everything is changing. It’s a good change, but it’s a change, nonetheless.

My older brother is getting married.

I absolutely adore his fiancé. She’s one of my really close friends (I’m gonna be in the wedding, too :D), and is an amazing role model when it comes to her relationship with Christ. They both are, and their upcoming marriage is a fantastic testament to God and His promises.

Despite how stoked I am for them getting married, my big brother is going to move out, and I’m so sad. It’s gonna be so weird…this isn’t like when he went to college and was in the dorms for a year. He doesn’t come back for holidays, he’s not gonna be gone for just a year. He’s going to have a wife and start his own family.

He seems to have it all together. He always did well in school, I do not. I was on academic probation last semester, I managed to get off of it, but not by much. I’ve always had trouble in school, stemming from my learning and attention issues, which frustrates me to no end. He’s had a job since he was 16, he’s now 24 and has never been fired. I’ve had one paying job at nineteen, and was fired six months later.

Apparently, I didn’t pay attention to when the money for my semester at school was due (The place I always checked never told me it was time to pay, and being the idiot I am, I didn’t look in any other places, since I assumed it was going to notify me), and we (my mom and I) missed the deadline. All my classes were dropped and so now I have to go get the add codes from my professors. Only 2 of my 5 classes should be a bit difficult to get into, which is a total God thing, but I’m so mad at myself, and anxious that my professors are going to think badly of me.

I’m starting to worry that I’m going to be a complete failure when I’m older, and I’m going to wind up alone.

And now we venture into the guy problems.

I’m happy to wait for the man God has chosen for me, because, honestly relationships are hard enough with the right person, I can’t even imagine what it would be like with the wrong one, all because I’m too impatient to wait (this isn’t coming from experience…I’ve never been in one before, I’m just voicing my observations from other people’s relationships), but it’s so HARD. It’s not like the guys I develop crushes on are horrible, awful guys. They’re always really awesome Christian guys. They just have girlfriends…or aren’t interested, and it’s just so tiring…I have no problem attracting the guys who totally creep me out (man, do I have stories).

Like I said before. My older brother and his fiancé are a beautiful example of waiting on God to provide the right person.

My mom told me that she doesn’t think I should get married until I’m 30…I’m starting to think that’s probably what’s going to happen. I know I’m only 19 and still have time (as I’ve been told by a bunch of people). I get that. But that doesn’t mean I’m not lonely….

Thanks for whoever read this the whole way through XD

January 19, 2015 at 03:58
MandaPanda18

MandaPanda18

Hey girl! Sounds like you’ve got a ton on your mind right now! Let me say from experience that I’ve been there – life is rough, especially once college starts. One of my older brothers and I go to the same university and he’s graduating at the end of this semester. He has a great girl, too, and while I know it’s a different situation than your brother getting married, I feel like I’m losing my brother, too. He’s always with her on breaks from school, so I feel like I already don’t see him. And at school we only occasionally see each other, and it’s usually briefly at hockey games or on the sidewalk. Like your brother, mine is the golden child, too. He seems to have everything together and I’m constantly finding myself comparing my life to his in my head.

I think you should talk to your brother. Explain to him how much you love his fiance and how excited you are for them to start their lives with each other. Also tell him how you feel about losing him. He seems like a good guy, he might be willing to skype you or call you once he’s gone. Another thing you might be able to do is set up a “sibling date” of sorts – so every month the two of you could go get coffee together or something and stay in contact. That might help you transition.

As far as your schooling, cheer up buttercup! Things will get better! I struggled my first year of college – last year I had to worst GPAs of my entire life, but I worked my butt off and pulled through. I prayed a ton and studied even more, and it really payed off. Don’t be discouraged by being on AcPro – lots of students have struggles transitioning, and most of the time if they work through it, they’re better for it.

My brother has had consistent jobs since he was about 16 as well. He’s 21 now and has an engineering job lined up for him for after he graduates. I used to think that I had to be exactly like him and have my life organized in little boxes just like him. But that’s not me. I started college as an engineering major because it was interesting and I enjoyed it – but then I realized that I just liked the idea of it and would rather be on the business side of engineering. So I switched majors to engineering management. And I decided to earn my EMT training. And I also got a job at the library cafe on campus. I worked as a lifeguard this past summer, and before that I didn’t have a steady job. I’ve had various summer jobs, but never anything consistent or full-time. I guess what I’m trying to say through all of this is just to be you. You do you, ya know? You don’t have to be like your brother. If you don’t have a job, so what? Yeah, you may need the money, but don’t feel down on yourself for not having a job right now. My jobs have all just kinda been on a whim because I needed the money so I applied, while my brother has had steady, very calculated jobs (if that makes sense).

In regards to your school bill, professors are normally super understanding of things like that. I’m sure if you go visit them during office hours and show them that you have an interest in their class you should be fine.

And guys. Yikes. I’m in the same boat as you. Just know that you’re not alone. Ask God to make you content with being single. I used to think that I should pray for a Godly man – and I still do – but I realized that I need to be completely content in Him first.

I hope all of this isn’t too confusing and that it offers some help! Stay strong, girly, you’ve got this! 🙂 :* <3

January 22, 2015 at 23:12
Project Inspired

Pippylongstockings

That’s so cool that you two are going to the same university 🙂 I’m going to the same one my brother went to, and his fiancé is going to currently. My brother is always with her all the time, too. She was out of the country for a couple weeks, and that was the most we say him in the six months since they started dating (we’ve known her family for a bunch of years).

I’m really bad at heart to heart conversations…my mom and I have those, but my family isn’t really a touchy-feely type family XD One of our mutual friends made us hug because she’s like “You’re siblings! You should hug! Show each other you love each other!” Our love language is sarcasm. They’re moving into an apartment about ten minutes from my house, since she’s finishing up school, and I told them I was gonna show up at their apartment with ice cream and soda haha XD

So far I’ve been able to add three of my five classes, the fourth shouldn’t be too difficult, but my creative writing one is gonna be really hard to get into. I need to add it, or else I’ll only be taking ten units, because every other class is all filled up, and I’ll need to take a bunch of summer classes to make up for this semester. I’m super anxious about that, but I’ve been praying about it, so I’m hoping God’s answer is “yes! You can have that class” not “nope, lolz”

It’s good that you’re doing something that makes you happy 🙂

I’ve just given up. If it happens, it happens, but I don’t think I’m gonna meet anybody anytime soon. I have enough to stress about without some dumb boy getting chucked into the mix

January 23, 2015 at 23:08
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