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I hate the person I've become.

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  xXStormaggedonXx 5 months ago.

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Hey guys.

So I need to get this off my chest.

I’ve posted quite a bit of personal stuff on here lately, mostly because I feel like I don’t have many places to turn. I’ll sum this up briefly: I’ve had a really hard freshman year of college. I went through a horrid breakup, was abandoned by a bunch of friends who went their own way or just stopped talking to me since we don’t see each other anymore, and the stress of it has made me into a completely different person.

Last year, people said I was one of the happiest people they knew. Always smiling. Always sunnny and optimistic. I loved hearing that. I loved knowing that I was a person people thought of that way. I loved knowing that was who I was. I was happy with myself.

But I’m not that person anymore. I’m salty about everything that’s happened to me, and I dwell on it every day. I freak out and get angry about the smallest things because of all the built up emotion. At work, my coworkers have commented on how I don’t smile like I used to. I’d give anything to be that kind, optimistic person again. I keep trying to get her to come back, but I can’t make her stay. My self hating thoughts are like a hydra. Every time I extinguish one, it’s like three more grow in its place.

I want to be the person I used to be. But I don’t know how. I’m so scared that I’ll be stuck as this bitter, lonely girl for years to come and no one will ever want to be around me because I’ve grown this way.

I really need help. I’m trying so hard to find answers, but I don’t know what God is asking me to do anymore.

April 24, 2016 at 22:23


Hey Emera!

I really felt this post speaking to me, I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s rough, I know. The hardest part of it all is trying to put on a happy face when you’re suffering.

It always helps when you have someone to release all your feelings to, for me I find it’s my mother. I have yet to find a solid trustworthy friend so I know I can trust my mom and I tell her everything that’s going on, and it helps. So whether it be a friend, parent, or family member, it always helps to just tell someone about what you’re going through. Even though it may be hard at first, I find that I always feel better with telling someone.

When you go through hardships, they always define who you are as a person. You can choose how it does that. You can either let it build you up or let it destroy you. The Lord always tests us to see how we’ll handle the situation and to help us grow in Him. Whereas the devil wants the complete opposite, he want’s it to destroy us, he wants it to cripple us and weaken our relationship with God. Trust that God has the best possible friendships planned for you and that everything you’re experiencing is just something to grow your relationship with God.

Don’t ever dwell on things that are in the past, you must forgive then give it to God. As hard as it is, it helps release all that buildup that we were not meant to carry. Jesus carried the cross so we don’t have to. He knows what it’s like to suffer, and he hates that. He wants to hear your problems and he wants to heal you.

So the question is, how will you let bad situations define you? If you give all your pain to God, it won’t go away. But you’ll have the experience to help other people who is suffering with the same thing grow in their relationship with Our Heavenly Father. You’ll have a testimony, and you can walk with your head held high saying that the Lord is with you. As hard as that may seem to believe, and that it may seem God isn’t there, He is. He’s ready to listen, waiting for you to come to Him and to fill Him in on your life. Even though He was there for it, telling Him personally will make you feel better. Than once you told God your struggles, patiently await an answer. [1 Kings 19:12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.] Even if it will take awhile, God makes promises to us and the bible says he never breaks his promise. His timing is perfect [Acts 1:7 He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.]

I’m sorry about the crazy length of this but I hope that the Lord has spoken to you through this text post. If you have any other questions do not hesitate to ask me! I will be praying for you, Emera.

April 25, 2016 at 22:08


Oh hun, I’m so sorry. I know exactly where you’re at, strangely. I haven’t found a person to put it into words until now. And my story is about the same as well. I also was an optimistic and smiley person. But am now rather salty and temperamental. I don’t really have any advice to offer to you, but maybe it’ll help knowing you’re not alone. Wow, I came to this article rather late in the game. O.o

PS. I am also a blonde even! (How about them apples?)

August 12, 2016 at 15:25
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