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I Just Have This Perfect Idea Of One Day…

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  rainbowuni 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

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Hi girls, how goes it?

So, anyway… This is kind of a tough subject, and I haven’t really opened up about it until a few weeks ago. My friends and I went to the park after dark, and we just had one of those special conversations, and I was able to open up to them a lot. So, I discovered something about myself…

I’m afraid, yes afraid, that I have this perfect idea of what marriage and having kids will be like. I do know that marriage is hard and every couple does fight, but…

In February, at a college group, there was an entire sermon on marriage. It was so so encouraging, in an almost too good to be true way, I kept the pamphlet. I felt so great when I left youth group. They said how we feel about marriage now will be the same as we feel when we truly are married one day.

Me, as I describe, a hopeless romantic, have a beautiful image what it will be like one day. I don’t think details really matter, since basically I have a positive image. I have this dream to get married and start a family one day.
I posted a while ago how I sometimes get jealous of my friend who is the same age as me (19) and is married with two kids…

Anyway, I have this fear of never getting married, which I’m sure many people do. I don’t have a boyfriend, never have, hopefully someday will. I was telling my friend just about all these dreams and ideas I have about getting married and having kids…

Then she asked “What if you never got married and had kids?”

I said something along the lines of, “I would feel as if there would be a big part of my life I never got to live, and all these dreams that never got to come to fruition.” I do realize this is a problem that it seems I am leaning on the dream too much.

Anyway, I was wondering if you have any input or advice. I do feel a bit embarrassed about this, so please no criticism or ridiculing. Thank you!

August 31, 2016 at 19:48


Wanting to get married and having such a positive view of marriage is a good thing! Don’t ever let anyone change that, or make you afraid that you won’t get married.

I believe God knew what he was doing when he created you. He knew how you would feel now, and I’m sure he took provisions to create someone for you to marry. God created your heart the way it is for a very specific reason. It’s not like God is surprised and like “Oh whoops, Kelly wants to get married and I forgot to create someone for her!” Remember, God created us for relationships. Obviously, some people choose to not get married, and their relationships are friendships, but wanting to get married is not strange or bad. It’s a normal desire God gave you.

I’ve had a negative view of marriage for a long time, and am kind of just getting out of it, so I actually LOVED reading your post. Marriage is a beautiful, wonderful relationship and there is no reason to think it won’t happen for you.

You’re very young. Use this time to grow and become the best person you can be, so that when you meet the right man your relationship will be that much better 🙂

August 31, 2016 at 20:02


I was reading this, kind of seeing myself in this…

I’ve always had this idea that I’d be married by my early-mid 20’s to the “right person” and that everything would play out just as it’s “supposed to”… And then I realize that I’m really only 4-5 years away from when I’m “expected” to get married (which is really weird for me to think about) and meanwhile I have never even held a boy’s hand.

So moral of the story is that things probably aren’t going to work out the way we expect them to. But they’re going to work out. Statistically speaking, the vast vast majority of people who *want* to get married will get married. You’re only 19; you’ve got time.

Personally, I wouldn’t envy someone who is married with two kids at 19.. I’m 17, and I’m still very much a kid myself lol 😛 Of course, if that’s the life your friend wanted, then I’m sure she’s happy, but having a family that young, you have to give up a LOT that you wouldn’t have had to if you just waited a few years.

August 31, 2016 at 20:21


I can relate to this, in a way. I’ve become somewhat obsessed with trying to plan my life–but more career-wise. The problem is, I end up changing the plan often, and it always involves some sort of good luck (getting into specific prestigious schools, etc.) that will likely not happen. I can hope, right? 😀

My take on marriage: I guess I’ve never really understood the idea of getting married and having kids so young. I want to get married some day…but not for a long while. And the older I get, the more I push it off. When I was 17, I thought ~30 would be a good age. Now I’m 19, and I don’t really plan to get married until I’m at least 40. Seriously, I have more important things to do. (If I get married before that, it would have to be to someone with plans that fit in with mine…I guess that says something about my priorities?) I want to adopt or foster kids, but I want to spend some time traveling and working in third world/war-ridden countries first, so I probably will be 45+ when that happens.

Ultimately, like others have said, you’re still young. You have time. Be patient. I highly doubt you’ll end up never getting married and having kids. It’s statistically pretty unlikely.
My dad always says that marriage and kids tend to just happen in life, as you go after other goals. It’s harder to avoid marriage than it is to achieve it. …Now, I don’t know how true that really is, but it seems to fit in here. 😀

August 31, 2016 at 21:24
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