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I Sometimes Feel Like My Life Has Just Been One Big Disappointment

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends Random Thoughts and Questions I Sometimes Feel Like My Life Has Just Been One Big Disappointment

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Beth001 1 year, 2 months ago.

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kellybarta14

kellybarta14

Hey all. First of all, I ask for no negative comments here. 🙂 Thank you.

So, sometimes I, well as I said in the title, feel as if my life has been one big disappointment. Don’t get me wrong– my life has been great. But well, things have been hard for me. Some people might call me rough around the edges.

In elementary school, I never fit in really anywhere. I was bullied and an outcast in third grade. I never fit in with my girl scout troop; I was just kind of an outsider. And in fifth grade, I got caught up in the wrong crowd. I hung around with these three girls who would make fun of my weight, my clothes and my family.

In sixth grade I was homeschooled (worst year ever!) and in seventh to tenth grade, well. I never belonged with anyone in my grade. Like girls would always leave me out and do things without me. There was this one girl who called me ugly and just ruined my life– luckily she taught me the gift of discernment and I waved her goodbye out of my life. There was this one group of girls a grade ahead of me who I would hang out with, but often they could never do anything. I guess they maybe weren’t the absolute best– one time I asked her if she was doing anything for Halloween and she said, “We might be doing something– but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are invited.” Then in tenth grade, my school closed down.

My junior and senior year I actually went to a good school and made good friends. I still visit every week even though I go to college now. Now I go to community college because I cant afford a good college. Those were actually the best two years– I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my amazing friends. I may not even be here without them.

I have also been doing theater since 8th grade. I have gotten kicked out of dance classes, and I have NEVER had a good role. All of my roles have just had a few lines, and I have been in about 8-12 plays. I mean, I had a monologue once, which was the best thing I ever did and played the March Hare in Alice In Wonderland. I played soccer once, but I wasn’t good at that either. When I was in elementary school, I was in The Nutcracker but dropped out because I got cast as a soldier for three years— THREE YEARS! Also, my junior and senior year my best friends got the leads but I NEVER did.

I have never had a boyfriend before, and pretty much every guy I have liked has turned his back on me, moved away, faded, rejected me, or threw me under the bus and told me to stop liking him. I constantly feel I am not special or worthy. I mean, I KNOW I am because God says I am, but still… I need comformation I can do something right.

And also I have moved from youth group to youth group and I just have never really belonged anywhere. I belonged at one, but now I cant even go anymore because I am in college…

A few weeks ago, I got released from being a cashier with a tip jar and now I am a stupid hostess without a stupid tip jar.

I also had depression for a few years, now I am deathly afraid of falling back into it if something tragic happens. Often I cry, get angry and destroy plastic waterbottles, have trouble making decisions, and yell at my family (yeah I know– not good!). Sometimes I just feel like I am a no good failure– cant do anything, will never amount to anything. I’ve never really done anything worthy of honor– other than standing up for God the other day in my human development class, which made some people mad. I have never done anything extraordinary– I can’t even get a stupid lead role for God’s sake! My life has just been so disappointing.

As you can see, I could really use advice. Thank you so much!

September 26, 2015 at 22:11
Juanita11

Juanita11

I heard this quote once and I thought it was so cheesy. Then its fit the sichuation I was in. ‘Some people aren’t made to fit in. Their made to stand out. ‘
Not everyone was made to be the same. Some people are ment to be a little lonely sometimes. You never had a boyfriend or been cast the lead character of a play. Maybe if you had you would have died in a car wreck on your first date or a light would have fallen on you and put you in a wheelchair for the rest of your life. All things happen in a reason. Trust and stand up for your beliefs. You will be alright. But if it wasn’t worth it, your wouldn’t be here but you are.
And remember tha the day before your life changes is a normal day.

September 27, 2015 at 12:55
Beth001

Beth001

Hi, girl!
So I know what you’re going through (to some extent). I have lost countless friends, I’ve only recently had my first “mutual interest” in a guy and even that’s not going too well, I often feel like the “ugly” friend, and my biggest fear is that I’ve failed God miserably and wasted my life (which is true, I fail Him daily which is why I’m in need of God’s grace). The most important thing I struggle with is realizing that this life is not my own. That isn’t supposed to make us feel useless and like we don’t have a say in our lives, it’s supposed to be comforting because we don’t have to do anything “cool” in our lives to earn God’s favor, the grace extended to us is not based on the “amount of people we lead to Christ” God will use you in great ways even if you don’t realize Him working. You are so valuable to Him and He is the only one who can fill our every need. Just think.. the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE wants to spend time with you, and we freak out when Taylor swift gives us a high-five. It doesn’t matter what we do in life that matters but who we live it for. Believe me, I know it’s easier said than done but life is SO much sweeter when we do everything we do unto the glory of God rather than the approval of man.
Hope this helped:)

September 27, 2015 at 16:45
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