Hey all. First of all, I ask for no negative comments here. 🙂 Thank you.
So, sometimes I, well as I said in the title, feel as if my life has been one big disappointment. Don’t get me wrong– my life has been great. But well, things have been hard for me. Some people might call me rough around the edges.
In elementary school, I never fit in really anywhere. I was bullied and an outcast in third grade. I never fit in with my girl scout troop; I was just kind of an outsider. And in fifth grade, I got caught up in the wrong crowd. I hung around with these three girls who would make fun of my weight, my clothes and my family.
In sixth grade I was homeschooled (worst year ever!) and in seventh to tenth grade, well. I never belonged with anyone in my grade. Like girls would always leave me out and do things without me. There was this one girl who called me ugly and just ruined my life– luckily she taught me the gift of discernment and I waved her goodbye out of my life. There was this one group of girls a grade ahead of me who I would hang out with, but often they could never do anything. I guess they maybe weren’t the absolute best– one time I asked her if she was doing anything for Halloween and she said, “We might be doing something– but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are invited.” Then in tenth grade, my school closed down.
My junior and senior year I actually went to a good school and made good friends. I still visit every week even though I go to college now. Now I go to community college because I cant afford a good college. Those were actually the best two years– I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my amazing friends. I may not even be here without them.
I have also been doing theater since 8th grade. I have gotten kicked out of dance classes, and I have NEVER had a good role. All of my roles have just had a few lines, and I have been in about 8-12 plays. I mean, I had a monologue once, which was the best thing I ever did and played the March Hare in Alice In Wonderland. I played soccer once, but I wasn’t good at that either. When I was in elementary school, I was in The Nutcracker but dropped out because I got cast as a soldier for three years— THREE YEARS! Also, my junior and senior year my best friends got the leads but I NEVER did.
I have never had a boyfriend before, and pretty much every guy I have liked has turned his back on me, moved away, faded, rejected me, or threw me under the bus and told me to stop liking him. I constantly feel I am not special or worthy. I mean, I KNOW I am because God says I am, but still… I need comformation I can do something right.
And also I have moved from youth group to youth group and I just have never really belonged anywhere. I belonged at one, but now I cant even go anymore because I am in college…
A few weeks ago, I got released from being a cashier with a tip jar and now I am a stupid hostess without a stupid tip jar.
I also had depression for a few years, now I am deathly afraid of falling back into it if something tragic happens. Often I cry, get angry and destroy plastic waterbottles, have trouble making decisions, and yell at my family (yeah I know– not good!). Sometimes I just feel like I am a no good failure– cant do anything, will never amount to anything. I’ve never really done anything worthy of honor– other than standing up for God the other day in my human development class, which made some people mad. I have never done anything extraordinary– I can’t even get a stupid lead role for God’s sake! My life has just been so disappointing.
As you can see, I could really use advice. Thank you so much!
|September 26, 2015 at 22:11|
I heard this quote once and I thought it was so cheesy. Then its fit the sichuation I was in. ‘Some people aren’t made to fit in. Their made to stand out. ‘
|September 27, 2015 at 12:55|
|September 27, 2015 at 16:45|
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