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I was such a bad friend, is it too late?

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends Relationships I was such a bad friend, is it too late?

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Okay, this has to start from the beginning so you guys understand it better, this might be kinda long so brace yourself PI girls.
I met my friend when I was 6 and she moved to my school. We played together that first day and she said that I was her “best friend” and I thought “alright then”
We were always together. Always dressing up and playing. I went to a local youth group run by the church I attended on Fridays. I remember talking about it to the pastor’s son at my school. My friend wanted to come, her family weren’t Christian but they let her join up. Her dad later left leaving her mum to cope with six kids. She was devastated like most kids would be. But, youth club was just a fun place to be. We were in the Christmas plays there together, we could use our pocket money and buy tuck shop goodies together. She even went to Christian camp every summer with me during primary school, her sisters came too. Soon, loads of kids from our school attended. Most were not Christian; that’s why the pastor shut the project down during the our first year of secondary school. But, her mother became a Christian and she, at 10, decided that she wanted to be baptised and became a Christian.
Her mum spent her to one of the worst schools in the districts whilst my parents searched to send me to a better one. We even moved districts for schools. She always tried to keep in contact. She wrote to me, I never wrote back. She’d call every once in a while, I never even bothered to get a phone. I was just so busy with all the changes to my life that I neglected her. I even missed the final year of camp that we always had together.

Later, when I moved back to the district. During summers she always came around to mine and was apart of my family’s activities. There from 8am, left at 6pm. We texted through the year but she would always start conversation. Going into our third year of secondary school, she told me that she didn’t like her school. I told her to transfer to mine- we thought it would be easy- her mum disagreed and said that the school she attended was “good enough for her sisters so it was good enough for her.” I tld my dad to say something but he told me that some parents have different see some things as being more important than others and that there was nothing that he or I could do. After this my friend and I started to lose contact.
She invited me to the cinema every so often, as her mum got discounted tickets, and we were going to start up dog walking business together but I was never really dedicated.
By the time our fourth year came round we only hung out for a day in the summer. Conversation was really easy and we spent the whole day together just filling each other in about he past year. This was the year that she started to feel really depressed, but I wouldn’t know it yet. “Invite her to our new church” my mum always said but I never did. I always just thought… I dunno t I just never did. I guess I was slightly embarrassed.

The end of fifth year arrived and she didn’t do well in her exams apart from history. Over the years whilst talking, I found out that she has this fascination with ancient history; the Greeks; the Romans and the Egyptians just enthralled her. She wanted to become a History teacher. I told her to apply to sixth form, that she might get lucky and get a space on the history course perhaps even English too (she’d have to also retake the key subjects from the fifth year exams in the sixth year) but she said that she didn’t want that dream anymore. She said that she wanted to take makeup studies at the local college like her sister did.
For my sixth year I moved away from home to a boarding school. I met many interesting kids from around the world who’d all have very different experiences. But what I realised was that, you have a lot of time to contemplate when your a shy kid in a school for confident future stars, loads of people seem “okay” but actually are struggling internally so much. During this time, I truly got closer to God and I found so much peace in him. Because of the confidence I had in myself, eventhough being quite shy, many people confided in me. I learnt about the struggles of many unlikely students. They all told me that I was “trustworthy” and “a good friend” and I think, when reflecting, I helped change some kids minds on Christianity and religion in general because as I got closer to him, I tried to refrain from gossiping or judging other kids. Then, I started feeling guilty. I saw my friend at this Chinese light festival thing and I realised how much I failed her. I wasn’t there when she needed me. She tried reaching out or staying in contact but I never reciprocated this effort back. I was preoccupied with music class and ballet and grades but I never stopped to think of her yet she stopped to think of me on many occasions.
She saved off all her hair and now identifies as a boy. She is also a lesbian too. I know there are many mixed opinions to homosexuality but here’s what I gathered to be mine (so far): people are people. No matter sexual orientation. God loves homosexuals. Your stance on same sex marriage, whatever it may be, doesn’t mean you cannot be involved in gay rights at all. If there’s an injustice you feel then you can talk about. I think coming out is probably not a black and white issue. Over the past year, I met a guy you, when I asked him “when did you know you were straight”,we answered by asking me “when di you know you straight”. Which I didn’t know because I’ve ALWAYS KNOWN. That was the same with him. I also met a gay guy who didn’t know he was gay till very recently. I also met a girl who wanted to be a boy and now feels comfortable in her gender she was born as. To her it was all a phase. There’s a lot of grey matter in his subject.
Is my friend going through a phase, she could be. Is this her true self, yh, it could be. The one thing I know is that I’m not going to push her to come out or stay in or whatever. too many kids in my year are ‘forcing’, sorry, I mean “encouraging” kids to come out simply so they can say “look here, this kid is openly gay now because of me. Yes, yes, everyone give me around of applause for doing he right thing. Hey new gay bff, let’s do something really stereotypical right now even if you hate it. It doesn’t matter because filling stereotypes make us more interesting to people.” It’s quite annoying because these “friends” don’t care about the person who is actually coming out or their feelings . I don’t want to be that ‘friend’. If you want to figure this out, we can talk but I can only encourage you to find out who you truly are; not pressurise you to be gay, because I want a gay bff fashion accessory friend; or tell you just to pretend to be straight, as it’ll cause you less problemos. Nothing has to be rushed. Sorry, I could go on about gay rights for days and still not make a proper conclusion on the matter.
Anyway, leaving my gay rights rant, I just look at her and just wonder whether she is really happy. I don’t know where to start. I’m seeing her today… I don’t know what to say. Could I invite her to my church or is that too soon? Shoud I try and just hang out with her more first? Do I just apologise straightaway? I know she likes the twenty one pilots, I could get some tickets and invite her to a concert maybe and then introduce the idea of Jesus gently again? I’m unsure of what to do, any help? She had finished her makeup course, I thought about talking to her about taking some history courses and coming back to school. I got the prospectuses, is this too much?

September 5, 2015 at 20:24


It’s great that you want to reconnect with your friend! It sounds like you two haven’t talked much lately, so it’s probably best to focus on hanging out with and getting to know your friend again. Since you don’t know much about your friend’s current desires, dreams, or beliefs, it wouldn’t be a good idea to start out by trying to influence or change what you think they are. Start by getting to know the person your friend is now.

September 7, 2015 at 16:30
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