Please. To whoever is reading this, I ask that you drop your defenses and step away from fear for just one moment. I was right where you were just a few months ago. I remember what it was like to hear the word “gay” and automatically think “sin.” To think that gay=immoral relationships. To be gay was to sin against God.
I first need to clear up some terms. There is actually such thing as a “gay Christian” who is not sinning. You see, in the conservative church I was taught that gay is a choice of lifestyle. I need to clarify: living a gay lifestyle is a choice, being gay is not. One does not choose to be gay. Remember back in middle school when you first felt sparks for a certain guy? That never happened for me.. I waited and prayed. But I only felt it for other girls. I can pray and ask God to make me straight. But that may not be in His plans for me. Just like you can ask God for any other prayer… He may or may not choose to answer in the way you’d like. Simply being gay is not a choice. We live in a fallen world. Parts of us are not perfect, because we are not perfect. But that does not mean I chose this imperfection.
A little of my story: I was raised in a super conservative Christian home. My father was and still is very open about his disgust for the gay life style. But it’s not just the lifestyle.. it’s all things gay. He believes it is a choice to be gay. I started to acquire his same mindset and automatically got “fired up” whenever I’d hear the word gay, and instantly felt like I needed to tell them of their sin and how the Bible says that being gay is wrong. I think a lot of Christians do the same. This all felt like the right thing until my world was slowly turning upside down. I realized I myself am gay. I have experienced these attractions since 7th grade, and it took me until now to accept it. 7 years of complete denial. This made friendships with other girls so complicated and full of pain. Why was I crying myself to sleep for months after losing a friend? I now realized because I was going through heartbreak. I was so deeply connected to other girls and didn’t know why. There are many LGBT Christians who are struggling because no one in the conservative Church ever teaches you what it’s like to experience same sex attractions and still be madly in love with Jesus. I did not choose this. Why would I ever choose to put myself in this position, choose to go through so much pain and condemnation? This is the part many seem to not understand. I did not choose this. I’ve always dreamed of having a husband and children one day. Realizing that honoring God may mean living my entire life unmarried was, and still is absolutely heart wrenching.
It was so incredibly humbling to realize I was against a group that I was a part of this whole time.
Girls… it’s time that we start loving our LGBT brothers and sisters. I understand this may be a new topic for you and scary to think about. But the church has made a mistake. The church is full of humans, humans who make mistakes.
There are gay Christians who have made a commitment to God to not get married, because based off their understanding of passages regarding homosexuality, they think they are called to a life of celibacy. There are also those who are marrying. We need to them all the same. Truly try to put yourself in our shoes. Imagine coming to this realization… that honoring God may mean that marriage is out of the question. It is scary, terrifyingly alone. The church needs to be a safe haven where it is understood that this is not their choice. It is what they do with this attraction that is a choice.
Please, if a friend ever trusts you so dearly to tell you they are gay, let the first thing you do is tell them how you love them all the same, maybe even more for trusting you with this. Do not just tell them the 5 verses against gay marriage. Trust me, we know. We’ve read them all and we’ve cried over those verses because they are talked so about so much. Many of us have come to be disgusted with ourselves, because we think we’re sinning by simply existing. But girls, we are human. And we need to be reminded of that.
I’m not asking for your opinion on gay marriage. That is a completely different issue. The issue is that most straight Christians don’t understand that just like they didn’t choose to be straight, I didn’t choose to be gay. Why would I ever choose to walk through this confusion and pain?
Please, please read these blogs to further understand: http://spiritualfriendship.org/2014/07/23/lives-that-go-unwitnessed-2/
And conservative parents who had a gay son: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8ntauVWRUY
I am begging you to pray about this. There are huge misunderstandings. We are not loving God’s LGBT children like Jesus would have. The church should be known first and foremost for Christ’s love, not for opposition of gays. Take some time to really get to know gay Christians. They are there, and they need to be heard and loved.
|January 23, 2015 at 03:25|
Thank you so much for sharing this. I do believe same-sex marriage is wrong, but I don’t think being gay in and of itself is sinful. Like you said, you didn’t choose it. It’s a temptation.
Love > judgment. What people don’t understand is that you can believe homosexuality is wrong without constantly passing judgment on people who are gay. I have friends who are gay, and it’s not something I focus on. I like this quote:
It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge and my job to love.”
There’s so much more I could say on this topic but I have to go. Also, I don’t think I’ve seen you on PI before, so welcome! 😉 And if you’ve been on here for awhile, I guess I just missed you somehow. I’ve been off and on lately 🙂
|February 1, 2015 at 15:10|
Thanks so much for your kind words. I hope that one day the church can get to a place where people understand that being attracted to the same sex is not a choice, and therefore not right to call it sinful. It’s like telling someone they’re sinful for having automatic attractions to the opposite sex. What one does with their attractions is where choice comes in.
I hope that more gay Christians begin to speak out, to help the church understand that we exist and need to be heard.
|February 19, 2015 at 02:24|
Thank you so so so much for sharing this! I’m not going to express my opinions but I truly appreciate you “blogging” (if you can call the forums that) about this. This is real and in a world so guarded and sometimes shadowed, rawness and just reality in general is a real appreciation and to me it is so MEANINGFUL. I love how you’ve shared this with us on here and grateful. REAL needs to be said, not hidden from. Thanks again, God bless!
|March 3, 2015 at 20:37|
You are no different than me. I am no better or worse than you. God died for the whole world not just the part that includes “straight people”. I always get so upset when someone hates another because of a sin they do or a temptation they struggle with( they are just as guilty). I love you, though I do not know you. Will I ever in my life support the idea of being “gay”? “No” I say. But I have NO right to judge you for God is the ultimate judge of all. He created you knowing that you would struggle with this He doesn’t want it, but he allows it. He loves you. I believe Satan and your sin nature are two big benefactors in this area of your life. Do I believe God supports it? No. I know He doesn’t. It is not in his intended plan. It IS a choice. I don’t believe that you can’t be saved if your “gay”. However, like I said it is a choice. (KEEP READING…) I you walked up to me today me not knowing who you were and you asked me what my thoughts on “gay people” were. This is what I would say in summary; “I as a Christian have no right to judge a “gay person” or as a person at all in that matter. I will not treat one any different than any other. If you asked me to support ones actions in doing so I could not. If you asked me to support that person as a person period I would if they were a fellow brother or sister in Christ.” I do not write this to make you feel bad but to let you know it IS, it IS, it IS, a choice. It will not be easy but you don’t have to just accept it you CAN change with GOD and only GOD. Pray about it. Satan may be just making you stumble so you don’t make much of a big difference for God’s glory. PRAY ABOUT IT AND GOD CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE.
|March 6, 2015 at 17:42|
@DauntlesslyDivergent: Thank you so much for your encouragement. It is much needed right now. I so, so appreciate it. I’m hoping that as more people speak out, more light and understanding will be shed onto this topic.
|March 14, 2015 at 02:32|
faithful_soul: Thanks so much for taking the time to read through my post.
I must address some of these areas. It was never a choice. I never have felt attracted to a man before. Only women. It is not even conscious. It is like when you see a guy and get those automatic butterflies, you do not consciously choose to be attracted to him. It simply happens. What you do with these attractions is a choice. I have never chosen to take my automatic attractions, and follow them into a romantic relationship. I do not live a gay lifestyle. There is no lifestyle that I am trying to argue here. I am arguing for the fact that something in my brain, psyche, something that is out of my control causes me to be attracted to girls instead of guys. Our world is fallen. I am not perfect. Although not God’s original design for creation, it can still exist because we are not the perfect, original world that God created. We are all fallen.
I am attracted to the same sex. This is different than how you are referring to the word gay. I am not living “gay” but that does not mean I can force myself to be attracted to men. God may allow that some day. But it may not be in his plan. It’s damaging to tell same-sex attracted Christians that if they just pray hard enough, and try hard enough, that God will answer their prayers in the way that they want. God has the power to do anything. That’s indisputable. But guaranteeing gay Christians that God will allow their brain to be transformed if they just try hard enough is SO damaging when they try SO hard to change and cannot. People kill themselves because they are disgusted with themselves for not being able to change. It’s hard to think about, but it is oh so true.
And lastly, I do very strongly disagree with you saying that a gay person cannot be saved, as does the Bible disagree with this. I was saved as a child, so reaching puberty and realizing I was not attracted to men will not take away my salvation:
Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. -Romans 10:13
I am submitting my attractions to God, and not going to marry because at the moment, my understanding of scripture tells me that I shall not marry a woman. I am committing to living ALONE, there is nothing further I can do with this except hand it over to God. Why would I choose all this pain and condemnation? Choose to give up a wedding? Choose to never fall in love? Never have a first kiss or date? Choose to not have my own children? Please understand, I would never choose this. Never, ever.
|March 14, 2015 at 02:52|
No I totally agree that you can still be a Christian. In fact, when I was saved I was very young and you know what for a while I didn’t notice boys I liked the girls…….like that. I’m not lying I did and I believe I was still saved. I understand and I’m truly sorry! Now I don’t have those feelings but I once did. Hugs! God Bless you!
|March 16, 2015 at 06:49|
I’m sorry I misread your previous post, and thought you said: “I don’t believe you can be saved if you’re gay” but you said can’t. Thank you for sharing your experience of same-sex attraction, as that helps me understand so much better where you’re coming from. I can understand how you would be certain that God will make someone straight if they hand it over to Him. Because He did it for you. I do agree that God has the power to do anything (including making me straight), but I guess where we differ in viewpoints is that I don’t think that is His plan for everyone. Unlike other temptations, from my experience and others’ that I’ve read, same-sex attraction is not a habit that one falls into. It is psychological, and biological, which means something is happening in my brain that is causing the initial attraction. This would make sense, because we are fallen, and do not fit God’s original design. I believe that although God doesn’t create someone to be gay, some people are gay, without choosing it, because our world is fallen.
Like depression. You cannot see it. The chemical imbalance is not the fault or sin of the person. It can lead people down paths of sin as they try to cope with this unbearable pain, but the depression itself was not their choice.
This is where so much pain comes into the picture, and why I so desperately need more Christians to try and understand this. I totally understand why it’s hard to comprehend, as it is not visible or tangible, like murder, natural disasters, etc. But when people promise me that God will change me, it’s like promising someone with a life-threatening illness that they will survive if they just trust in God enough. It is not a sickness, but it is a part of me that I never chose to have, and it happens deep down in my brain where I cannot reach it. Only God can. But I have been asking for 7 years for me to be straight, or to at least stop being attracted to other girls. But I still am. I am coming to realize, that maybe God is not changing me because He wants to use my story in some way that I can’t see yet. There are lots of areas of diversity in humans: sexuality, race, ethnicity, personalities, etc. And my mind has been so open to trying to truly understand peoples’ stories, even when they are SO much different than my own. I’m really hoping to see Christians allow other stories in their lives. It especially hurts when people say that they can disagree with gay people, and still love them. Because that makes it sound like I am actively choosing to sin against God. It’s dehumanizing. I am doing my best to hand this over to God, knowing that His plan will prevail.
Thank you for caring so much to have this conversation with me. It means a lot that you want to understand this better. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have.
|March 19, 2015 at 20:17|
I have really enjoyed talking to you. Also, I am really sorry if I have hurt you. I never mean to hurt anyone on here but since you can’t hear how I’m saying things it can come across differently than I would like it to….ya know.
I also am sorry that I didn’t ever think about your situation as being God’s plan, I guess I was kinda looking at it as if it were my situation knowing that God can change your feelings. Don’t get me wrong I know He can but that like you said it may not be His plan. I don’t know His plan but He has one for you and knowing that there is comfort. 🙂
God bless you friend, I’m praying!
|March 23, 2015 at 10:27|
i do not agree with being gay but i have no judgement twords you! we are all the same! the only thing i want to point out is if you were born gay…then God would of MADE U a sinner. i dont believe God would have caused you to sin…i have talked to all my gay and lesbian friends and they all say its a choice(yes there christian) maybe you are not realizing that you are making it a choice. and the reason you are not attracted to men is because u like more feminine people. and im guessing your in jr high or high school so only the gay guys show there feminine side because in today’s society are young boys and even older boys have to act tough and manly but in reality they are sensitive even more than us! im sorry you are feeling disgusted with yourself you are loved very much!:) i hope u no that!
|April 9, 2015 at 10:00|
i did not write that to make u sad…
|April 9, 2015 at 10:00|
@Kylie thanks for writing. I am actually in college. Yes, being in a gay relationship is a choice. But I never chose to be attracted to women. I would never choose this confusion. Your friends may be bi, which means they are attracted to both men and women. But I have never felt anything towards any guy. There is actually research being done that shows the structuring of the brain is different in someone who is gay. And if God doesn’t want me in a gay relationship, I think that I could still be born gay. Because we live in a world that is fallen, a world that is broken. None of us are perfect. The fall could have made me different than God’s original intention. I am attracted to women, but God loves me all the same because I know He knows I didn’t choose this. Sin comes into the picture in deciding what I do with these desires. Same for someone who is straight: does God think you are sinning when you are attracted to another guy? No, it’s only when it turns to lust. it’s the same for me. I know that God understands what I can, and cannot control. Thanks for reading my post and wanting to understand this topic.
|April 9, 2015 at 10:11|
I think you are showing alot of courage for your choice! Thank-you for sharing your testimony! I have never heard a testimony like yours and you have given me a new perspective about gays. Which to be honest, always have been a conflicting topic for me. I am really glad to hear a different kind of view.
|March 17, 2016 at 11:44|
|April 14, 2016 at 10:24|
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