I normally love Christmas. I’m that girl who goes overboard on presents and stuff. I decorated the whole interior of my house by MYSELF, the day after thanksgiving.
BUT this year I’m dreading it. Normally I go visit my extended family (30 cousins who are all so in love with Jesus and are amazing) who live in another country. This year however, I am going on a cruise with my dad’s side of the family, in the United States. That seems exciting, but here’s why I’m not excited:
1) I have had the worst past 2 years of my life. I was diagnosed with anorexia a couple months ago. I am at a healthy weight and stuff now, but the idea of constant food terrifies me. My mom keeps on saying how there’s going to be “so much food and all we’re going to be doing is eating and we’re all going to gain 20 pounds.” that TERRIFIES me…and gives me terrifying anxiety. I’m still really cautious about food…I eat really clean and work out a lot every day…I’m probably going to be bringing a lot of my own healthy food and I KNOW my family is going to judge me for it.
2) I was also recently diagnosed with asymptomatic depression. I’m not on meds or anything cause we’re holding off right now…and I also cut. A LOT. My thighs are covered. in. scars. I have board shorts for when I swim and stuff but I’m still worried that people are going to wonder why I wear knee length shorts to go swimming…
3) My uncle is extremely extremely strict. He treats me like his own kid when it comes to strictness. Aka if he sees something he doesn’t like, he’ll call me out on it loudly in front of everyone and sometimes punish me (even if it’s something my parents are normally ok with)…and my parents do nothing about it.
4) My dad’s side of the family basically hates each other. There’s always LOTS of arguing and LOTS of tension. My grandparents also hate me…they’ve hinted more than once that I’m their least favorite grandchild.
For all those reasons. I’m gonna be constantly anxious about food and constantly be judged by my family for eating some of my own food. I’m going to be judged for my long shorts when I swim and the fact I never show above my knees. I’m going to be called out by my uncle that I’m “never happy.” And there’s going to be tension. A LOT.
I want to be excited about it…but I’m not. Any help/advice would be appreciated
|December 8, 2014 at 13:43|
Wow that’s really tough.. I didnt really think a lot about this answer so sorry in advance if this doesn’t help you! But if I were you I would probably go with a good christian friend to help me out.. can you do that??
|December 14, 2014 at 17:10|
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