I have been struggling for a while now with my faith. I was so passionate about God when I was younger (I’m 16 currently), and then as I got older, I started to drift away. I noticed I was getting angry so easily, I didn’t care about things I used to care about, and basically I let myself go. Last year I started trying to fix it. I listened only to K LOVE and tried to read my Bible as often as I could. But recently, this past school year, I have been tried so heavily. I haven’t wavered, but as I defended my beliefs, I felt as though I don’t entirely believe what I was taught was true. I don’t doubt God exists though. I stopped listening to just Christian music, and began listening primarily to secular music again. And this morning, with you know, Britain leaving the EU which is awesome, it was trending on bing the Texas is talking about seceding again because of Brexit. I believe Texas is what is keeping this country from violating the Constitution completely. And then I started thinking, the last time a state seceded it caused a Civil War, granted it was under different circumstances. This is concerning me and I basically see no hope at all. I feel like our country is dooming itself and all I can do is watch. I am a slave to my fear and I don’t really know what to do. The obvious answer is to pray and read my Bible. I know that. I always feel like it isn’t helping me. Like He’s not listening or the Word is just going in one ear out the other.
About the trying situations. Recently, to me, it seems as though a flip has switched and everyone is going after believers. One day I was in my double chemistry period (8th and 9th periods) and we were doing metric conversions when my lab partner started writing things on the board connected to “ingestible comestibles” like the word “redundant.” and along with those, he wrote “Charles Darwin,” “Donald Trump,” and “Jesus.” So naturally he went into the whole “Christians are stupid for believing in creation” attitude. I had tried to keep quiet the whole time until the end, when I silently raised my hand. I asked him the question “How did Darwin know evolution happened if he wasn’t on the Galapagos for millions of years to watch it occur?” And he went off on me. I tried to keep my cool though. We had an assembly right after that period so when I got there I met up with one of my best friends, and she told me “Sarah, you shouldn’t have said anything. He wanted a response out of you.” And all I could say was, he was going after my beliefs and my God. He mentioned me in his not so little lecture. And when I felt the need to defend myself, I asked a valid question. I’m not afraid of the ridicule I knew I was going to get. This happened several other times during the school year, as he was indeed my lab partner.
So now here I am, listening to music like If We’re Honest by Francesca Battistelli and Exhale by Plumb, crying my eyes out. I feel like there’s nothing I can do anymore. And it scares me. I accepted Christ when I was 10 and now I feel like I have rejected Him and I don’t want to have done that. I’m worried I’ve committed the one unforgivable sin. I feel like I have been ignoring the Holy Spirit. I want to actually believe the things that I say, and know them in my heart. I want to be with loved ones in Heaven when I die. I want to spend eternity with the one who created the universe. But I feel like I have completely messed that up. I don’t really know what to do anymore. I’ve prayed and cried, cried and prayed. I feel like I haven’t gotten a response.
|June 26, 2016 at 21:43|
I feel like I should also add this. If you know Britt Nicole, she wrote a song that I believe is Breakthrough. My sister loved that song so she played it a lot. I hated it for one reason. A single line. “You’re the burning in my heart that never dies.” I hated it because I didn’t feel it. And it scared me. A lot. I have also had the end of the world stuff pushed on me from a young age by a pastor we got at our church who every week found some way to describe the end of the world, which to a kid my age at the time, it scared me so much. And now it’s kind of just looming over my head and it has been ever since his first sermon.
|June 26, 2016 at 21:51|
|June 28, 2016 at 04:17|
Girl don’t give up, you’re not alone… Just stand in faith, even your faith is tiny as a seed. the things that worry you are inspired by the Spirit of God. Whatever touches you profoundly means passion, fire, strengh and purpose. you are not lost you’re just discovering more and more God’s light.
|June 28, 2016 at 04:31|
Here is a website for helping with any problems you have in understanding creation. YOUNG EARTH CREATIONISM IS NOT STUPID.
|June 28, 2016 at 10:21|
|June 28, 2016 at 10:22|
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