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Is it ok to not have a relationship with a sibling?

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends High School Girl Talk Is it ok to not have a relationship with a sibling?

This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  AdventureGirl 6 months ago.

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I have three siblings; two older brothers and a younger sister. I’m really close with one of my brothers, Evan and my sister. You can tell Evan really cares about me. My mom always tells me that whenever he calls, he asks about me. And my sister drove us to school everyday for two years. On the other hand, my brother Jordan never talks to me. I don’t think he even likes me. You see, I have hearing aids and had some social issues when I was younger. I was also sick and cried a lot. A therapist a long time ago suggested that maybe he hasn’t forgiven me and is still hurt. My other siblings seemed more accepting of me and loving with my issues when I was little, so that’s why they still are today. They probably had some compassion too. I don’t know what happened with my other brother though. I don’t remember exactly when or how the relationship got strained. One thing I do remember is once when my mom was helping me with my hearing aids and he was in the same room, he said they were stupid. Since then I have always thought that he thinks I’m stupid and so is everything I do. He was always mad in high school and didn’t seem to like people at all, so I tried to stay away. Am I the worst person though? He’s 22 and still lives at home and we still don’t talk. The rest of my family used to just let it be, but now they’re pushing on it harder than ever. My sister is leaving for college soon, so that may be why. It will just be me and my one brother. I wish they could just leave it though. I’ve accepted that he probably still thinks I’m stupid for having hearing aids, being in my high school transition program last year, or not going to college right away. He won’t even accept my friend request on Facebook!!I told my mom that, thinking she would keep that between us, but she made it really awkward by going up to Jordan and saying “Julianne’s upset you won’t add her on Facebook”. He then preceeded to say he doesn’t go on. I see him on my sister’s Facebook a lot liking her stuff or just on chat. I honestly think he lied. My family is pushing this by saying things like “You have a really nice brother”, when he’ll just lie like he did to get out of the Facebook thing 🙁 On a trip a couple weeks ago, my sister bought us ice cream and asked why we don’t talk to each other. I told them he’s scared to talk to me, which is what my mom said but he denied it 🙁 My other brother also forced us to hug each other. It was awkward how much pressure both him and my sister put on it. I’m honestly used to and fine with the way things are. There are boys from my church who are more of a brother to me. I’m really sorry…sometimes it’s just easier to have a good relationship with someone or people when they’re so accepting of you in the beginning, or start with no history. I can also sometimes picture being sister and brother with just random people at school, in my classes, or actors in movies or t.v. shows. At Summerfest today, we were going to go on the sky ride, and my dad asked who wanted to go by themselves. I said I did, but then my dad walked over to his own lift, and my brother walked to his own, so of course I had one to myself too. After we got off, my dad commented awkwardly “You didn’t get on with Jordan”. I know he was trying to secretly push us together, but that was not my fault. I know my parents probably wish things were different…I don’t know how to fix this. It would have been easier if things had never gotten so strained. I don’t remember why they never got estranged with my other siblings either. Why is the rest of my family pushing this so hard? And why is everyone yelling at me saying he’s nicer to me than I am to him, or saying I’m the one who needs to change? This can’t be all me, can it? Whether they choose to believe me or not, it has been evidently clear he doesn’t like me. When we’re laughing with my other siblings, I’ll say something, then he’ll use the r-word and say “that’s r——-“. Sometimes he’ll try to cover it up by laughing afterwards but even my other siblings know he didn’t mean it in just a usual sibling way. If that’s what he really thinks of me, I’m fine with him not knowing anything about my life or who my friends are. I do respect him as a person, even though he seems to hate me. I just feel bad he doesn’t really have friends-only 2 really, or like people as much as I do. It seems like a lonely life, even more so without me I guess. College has also been taking him a really long time and he doesn’t get help when he needs it like we all should or pay attention to when things are due. Will this also eventually make the rest of my family not like me? According to them, this is all my fault. Please help me! I feel like a horrible, disgusting person! Oh, and one last thing, I have talked to other girls my age who say their brothers don’t really talk to them, so it’s ok. I don’t know about this one though. I think it might be beyond repair. It didn’t get better when I was 14 or 16 and it’s scary to talk to a sibling who can’t even look you in the eye. If he does, it’s awkward and we look away immediately.

July 1, 2016 at 20:04


I was BFFs with my older brother until I was about 11. Our relationship became very strained, and only got worse through the years. He’s sort of similar to your brother, doesn’t like people very much and was rude and annoying throughout my teenage years.

I’m 21 now and our relationship has improved a lot, (he’s out of the house so we have to make an effort to talk) but we’re still not super close.

It used to bother me, but not anymore. I hope our relationship will improve more, but if not it’s ok. We’re different people with different beliefs and different values.

I think one reason my brother–and probably yours too–were acting like jerks is because of stress, fear, insecurity and maybe depression (those things make me act like a jerk sometimes too 😛 ).

Bottom line is it’s not your fault; you deserve to be happy and if that means limiting contact with your brother, so be it. You don’t have to pledge to never have a relationship with him ever again; you can say, “Right now, he’s not a healthy individual, so I don’t want to be around him. At present, i don’t want a relationship. (nothing wrong with this!) If he changes in the future, awesome. If not, I can continue to keep my interaction with him to a minimum.”

You won’t get along perfectly with everyone in life. There will probably always be someone who doesn’t celebrate or approve of you; it’s sucks that it’s your brother, but don’t worry you can handle it 🙂

July 13, 2016 at 21:17


Oh and Ik what you mean about it being awkward to look him in the eyes. It won’t be when you’re more confident though, so don’t worry too much about it.

July 13, 2016 at 21:20
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