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Just got out of an abusive relationship, lost in life…

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends Relationships Just got out of an abusive relationship, lost in life…

This topic contains 1 reply, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lee3355 1 year ago.

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Lee3355

This is going to be long and complicated; I apologize in advance. But I am very lost in life right now and would appreciate all the advice I can get because I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone I know personally about what’s going on.

I’ve been dating this guy for about 9 months now. Let’s call him Luke. I am 20 and he is 23. I need to provide some background information before we talk about this relationship though.

Flashback to September 2013 when I was moving into my dorm as a freshman. I met this guy on move in day (Let’s call him Reed) and he was super cute but his amazing personality was the first thing that got me. He seemed so nice and genuinely caring; truly the nicest person I had ever met. But I assumed he was like every other college guy, so I tried not to let myself get too infatuated. However, the more I got to know him, I quickly found out he was a Christian and after several conversations about God and our faith, I discovered that his relationship with God was super genuine and that was the most attractive thing ever. We continued to have deep conversations about God, and then I found out we were going to the same youth group, so I see him there every week. I liked him more than anyone I’ve ever liked, and I honestly thought he was the one God wanted me to be with. When we saw each other in person, I thought he really liked me too, which is why I was super confused that he never acted on it. When my friends saw us together, they would tell me, “He really likes you.” I’m not going to go into details on the signs that he liked me, but there were many of them, and they happened literally every time we saw each other. I just couldn’t get over Reed. We just really hit it off in person. But he would never text me back, and when he did it was always really short and basically ending the conversation in one text. And when I invited him to things he always said he couldn’t make it. So I gave up on him.

Then I met Luke. We started dating and it was really weird and it felt awkward and uncomfortable and like God was saying “No” from the beginning. But it was my first relationship so I just attributed it to that. He gradually became abusive, but I didn’t see it coming until I was all the way into it. He was manipulative and abusive in many ways. He threatened to kill himself if I ever broke up with him. I should clarify that we had a lot of good times together at first. We shared all the same interests and were constantly around each other and did stuff together. It was great. (But I still liked Reed…) So then, after months of abuse I finally broke up with him two weeks ago. I feel like a horrible person, but while I was dating him my relationship with God went from the best it’s ever been (It was pretty amazing before I started dating him) to the worst it’s ever been. (To clarify, Luke is a Christian who I believed to be actively pursuing God and having the same life values as me, or else I would not have even considered dating him) I would completely ignore God and I felt like he wasn’t listening to me anymore. But I realized that the reason it seemed like he wasn’t active in my life was because he had been telling me to get out for a long time and I was disobeying him. And I was so tired of not obeying him anymore and being a lukewarm Christian and I just wanted to live my life completely for Him again. So I broke up with Luke.

So I really want to talk to Reed again. I still like him so much and I know I should have just waited on God for his timing in the first place but I didn’t so now I’m here. But I also feel like I’m so broken and can never have a normal relationship because since my first one was so horrible and weird, I don’t even know what a normal, Godly relationship looks like. But at the same time, I’ve always felt like Reed understands me more than any other person I’ve ever met and that he could be the person God is providing to help me heal and get through this rough time in my life. So I really just wanna let Reed know I’m single again without making it awkward.

Oh, and another thing God has been telling me is that I’m looking for qualities in another person that in reality, only He can provide.

And also another verse I came across that is one to consider:
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?”
Jeremiah 17:9

So yeah, any life advice would be greatly appreciated! I would like as much advice as possible!

November 8, 2015 at 22:07
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Lee3355

Update: I just found out that because Reed worked at the daycare on campus, he wasn’t allowed to date or even develop close friendships with any students at the college! So maybe he did like me and just couldn’t do anything about it.

November 9, 2015 at 09:43
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