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Life Began When Grace Found Me (Long, sorry!)

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Hello, I was a daughter of a drug and alcohol addict.
This is what defined me for most of my life. I was the unwanted child of a father I never seen until I was 20 (by accident), I felt unimportant, unloved and not valued. Yet I go to church and a Christian.
My freshman year in high school will always be referred to me as my depression year, because it was exactly that. I would inflict self harm when my emotional pain or stress was too much. But God was with me in all of it.

I was the one carrying her Bible in school, had a Mom and grandparents that went to church with me. I was the one that listened to K-LOVE and Air1 and had a passion for God that it was evident.

Then when I was 20, I met a guy.

He wasn’t just ANY guy…he was THE guy…in my own eyes. Yeah, he smoked weed and had a history, I didn’t care. I thought I could “save” him and bring him to Christ. Thought that I wouldn’t fall into sin because I knew my Scriptures. Boy…was I wrong.

I was “engaged” six months into the relationship, and I put myself in a situation that I should have ran away from when I was 21. We had sex that I swore to myself that would never happen to me. I was strong enough to withstand it, or so I thought. After battling for two days against the temptation…I gave in to it. Four months later, I gotten a wake up call to what I was doing to God. I then made my decision to leave and was left picking up the pieces of my shattered dignity, self respect, and self worth.

I knew that God forgave me, but I didn’t really feel like it when I asked for forgiveness. I then went on a mission trip to Louisiana and there…grace found me. It was then I knew, no matter where I’ve been or what I’ve done, God still loves me and he has been with me all that time, even when I spat in his face when I sinned against him. My life truly began when I discovered grace.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound! That saved a poor sinner like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found; so great is my Savior’s love for me.” (part of poem I wrote)

May 12, 2015 at 06:39
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