This is a long one and I apologize in advance, but I could really use some wisdom on this. My best guy friend and I have a confusing relationship and I’m in need of some sage advice. We’ve been friends since our freshman year when we were assigned seats next to each other in our accelerated math and science classes, and throughout those 4 years of high school we became kinda close. As our friendship grew during that first year of high school I began to see him in a different light, and I totally had a crush on him for the last few months of school. I didn’t tell anyone though, because by that point he was close to dating a different girl who was in our class, and I didn’t want to create an issue by telling anyone of my feelings.
Fast forward to senior year of high school. My guy friend and I had become total bros and we were both deep in the friend zone. I was completely fine with that because after he started dating the girl in our class I was able to just let my feelings for him go. And then he and the girl in our class broke up. Because they had dated for so long it was kind of a big deal within our class. To be honest I’m not really into the whole drama of relationships and break-ups, so I really didn’t care too much, other than the fact that one of my best friends was hurting because the girl he thought he was falling in love with turned around and broke his heart.
Fast forward again to college. He and I both ended up deciding to become engineers, and we’re now in our second year at the same university. Last year our friendship grew leaps and bounds, and we’re now closer than ever. On breaks I sometimes ride home with him and another mutual friend, and those 9 long hours in his truck provoke deep conversation as well as lots of laughter. I always stay awake with him to make sure he doesn’t get too tired, so when our other friend falls asleep it seems like it’s just us in the truck. We talk about anything and everything for hours on end, ranging anywhere from our shared faith to ethical views to relationships to what we’re going to name our future children.
Here’s where it gets really confusing. Last year he and I were joking around about how we’re both single and how there seem to be no Christian singles at our college that we could ever see ourselves dating, and then we somehow came to the conclusion that we’ll be each other’s fallback. We’re each other’s “Plan B” so to speak. Essentially, if we’re both still single by the time we turn 26 then we’ll get together. We joke about it all the time and some of our friends that know about it just shake their heads at us because they all think we’re going to end up together anyways. Since growing closer in our friendship I’ve started remembering why I liked him to begin with all those years ago, and now there are so many more reasons to like him. I mean, I love him to the moon and back as a brother in Christ and as a dear friend, but I’m starting to wonder if there could be something more.
Last year towards the end of 2nd semester it seemed like we were on the verge of turning our friendship into a relationship, or at least admitting to each other that we have feelings for each other. I remember a few of our conversations tentatively stepped toward “Plan B” as being a “Plan A” of sorts, but we never went farther than briefly speculating/half joking about it. I was scared to admit my feelings to him – I don’t want to risk ruining our close friendship if he doesn’t reciprocate. Over the summer I was able to put those thoughts of him out of my mind. I worked as a lifeguard at a Christian camp near my home, and towards the end of summer I was falling hard for one of the counselors. We were going to try to make the distance work before making things official.
On the drive back to school I told my guy friend about my almost relationship. He was surprised and happy for me, but there was also a gleam of hurt in his eyes and I could tell when he said, “This is great, we might not need our ‘Plan B’ after all!” he didn’t really think it was all that great. When the distance ultimately put an end to my almost relationship, my guy friend was there for me. And when I started liking another guy and almost dated him but that didn’t work out either, my guy friend was there for me again. Last year was the same way – he’s been there for me through thick and thin and he continues to be there. And I’m always there for him when the new girl he likes doesn’t like him back or he needs advice on how to approach a girl he just can’t bring himself to talk to by himself.
But lately I can’t help but think that our ‘Plan B’ should be real, with us together. We’re best friends, we’ve got a lot in common, and we always seem to end up still single griping about it to each other. I do like him, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I used to think that he’s my fallback, my second choice, but now I’m not so sure. What if he’s my first choice, and that’s why all of these almost relationships I find myself in keep failing, sending me right back to him? I’ve been praying a lot about this lately, but I’m still really confused.
What should I do?
|November 27, 2014 at 16:46|
I think you already know what to do. The only hard part is doing it. But if my intuition about this situation happens to be correct, I don’t think you’ll have a problem. <3
|November 29, 2014 at 12:50|
ktuck22 is right I think. I mean there’s no denying that you two have something deep down inside that you haven’t experienced with anyone else. Maybe God is showing you him for a reason. I would pray pray pray for guidance and see what happens.
|November 29, 2014 at 13:26|
Thanks girls! Ah, I just don’t know if this is right. I mean, I find other guys attractive, I like spending time with other guys, and there are other guys that I would possibly date. But then there’s him. Ugh. :/
|November 29, 2014 at 16:06|
Well you’re adorable and he’d have a hard time saying no to you 🙂 This is the rightest right that’s ever been right. All you have to do is embrace it! Good luck 🙂
|November 29, 2014 at 19:46|
Aww, thanks girl! 🙂 I’m riding back up to school with him and our friend tomorrow, so we’ll see if anything happens! (Not that it has to happen tomorrow if it does, but I get to see him again) 😀
|November 29, 2014 at 20:10|
Just so you know, I’m shipping you two so hard. I’m emotionally invested in this.
|November 30, 2014 at 09:09|
So am I. 🙂 keep us posted!!!
|November 30, 2014 at 17:14|
Haha, you girls are too funny! Ugh. So after the ride today I’m not so sure again. On the one hand he’s a really great guy, but on the other hand there are so many things that bug me about him. Yes, I understand that there are always going to be things that you don’t like about a person but you love them anyways, but one of these is kinda major and it just irritates me to no end.
He is always late. And by late I mean extremely late. We were put a whole 2 hours behind today for our already all day trip. I know it shouldn’t bug me that much, and maybe it wouldn’t bug others, but I can’t stand it.
It’s not just that, but I’m not so sure he’s the one for me. I guess we’ll see, though. We’ve still got 6 years until “Plan B” takes effect. 😛
|November 30, 2014 at 18:46|
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