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Mixed Signals: I really like this guy but he is confusing me

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends College Girls Girl Talk Mixed Signals: I really like this guy but he is confusing me

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  katrinalove 1 year, 7 months ago.

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SDannieG

I met this guy at my school and I like him a lot. I was also 95% sure that he liked me back but now that I think about it, I’m not so sure. He is a very nice person, he is very devoted to God (and I love that about him), and we can relate in many ways. Ever since I met him, I have always been intrigued by him and there’s something about him that makes him stand out from everyone else. The problem is that I’m not sure if he likes me back or not. He is very friendly and flirts a lot: he hugs people a lot, he has a lot of female friends and overall, he is just very touchy and friendly. (Not in an inappropriate way but he’s just very touchy). I am completely opposite: I am more quiet and reserved. I am definitely not a flirt by any means (and I think he knows that). He has done a few things that made me think that he likes me back: he sometimes takes my hand and holds my hand, he hugs me, though we weren’t close (and still aren’t), he makes a great effort to say hi to me when we see each other on campus, sometimes I notice him smiling at me, one time he took my hand as he was singing a solo during rehearsal, he makes an effort to let me know how much he’ll miss me over break(s). I spoke to him over facebook about one particular instance: he held my hand (fingers intertwined) and called me ‘his love’… when I asked him about it, he said he was just really happy and he didn’t mean anything by it and then he said he wouldn’t do it again (assuming it bothered me). I told him that it didn’t bother me if he really meant it, but it would be problematic if he didn’t because I like him. He didn’t really acknowledge my telling him that I like him and just changed the subject. However, after that we have been talking and hanging out even more and I still get the feeling that he may like me. I know I didn’t do the best job telling him how I felt, (I kind of put it in the middle of a paragraph, in a matter-of-fact way) so I am wondering if he didn’t understand what I meant. What do you recommend I do?

April 8, 2015 at 07:50
MandaPanda18

MandaPanda18

I’m a very straightforward, no bull kind of girl. I’m a bold person (the kind that strikes up conversations with absolute strangers just for the fun of it) so this might be different for you as you mentioned you’re “more quiet and reserved”, but I’ll give it a shot anyways.

I, personally, would be straight up with him and tell him flat out that you like him. This isn’t middle school, we aren’t 12. This is college and we’re adults. An awkward or uncomfortable conversation may follow, but such is life. I’d rather have an adult conversation and be mature about it than walk around in the dark playing the “he likes me, he likes me not” game as I decapitate flowers. (I’m not trying to put you down by saying any of this, it’s just what I would do).

I’ll throw the common Christian cliche in the mix: he should be clear about his intentions with you, and likewise you with him. Again, you two are college students, not grade schoolers on a playground. Sooner or later you’re going to have to have a conversation about your interactions – if not to establish who likes who, then at least to understand when it’s time for you to let go if need be.

Don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t end up like you want it to. I have several guy friends just like him and they’re some of the best people I know. I’d take them as friends over the alternative any day.

I hope this helps!! Good luck! 🙂

April 13, 2015 at 00:38
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katrinalove

I agree 100% with MandaPanda 18. Tell him that you like him. You definitely do not want to be in a position where you are debating between yourself whether he likes you or not. Do you know why I agree with MandaPanda 18? I went through the same situation.

Last year, I had feelings for the first time with a guy from my church. He came to work for my mum and we started talking and hanging out. Very quickly, we were spending time a lot of time together and about 99.5% of people I knew though that we were dating. He gave me hugs, made flirty comments to me, we would spend time talking about Scriptures and even MADE me a jade necklace for my birthday. We even called each other on the phone once a week for hours and when we went out for lunch together, he paid for me and we would go on walks together. We were best friends. Very quickly, I became infatuated and thought that we were heading to being a boyfriend/ girlfriend. Then suddenly, his attentions became less than usual and it left me very confused and hurt. Sometimes he would be very attentive and some days, he would kind of ignore me and just talk to my brother. Inside, I was confused- did he like me or did he not like me? This started to affect my school work- my grades at college slipped horribly and I failed EVERTYTHING. I also started to get very dependant on him – placed him as an idol in front of God and I suffered a depression, deep pain and aniexty. Often I would pray to God- I was confused and was asking him, Why would you not let us be together? I was left confused and angry.

After a traumatising 10 months, I finally found the guts to tell him that I liked him because I couldn’t stand it anymore. He told me that he never liked me in that way ( ouch). I said that was fine, I wanted to be friends with him anyway. The way I felt after telling him how I felt was relief. I did not have to stay, waiting for him. I was free. Although afterwards, I was sad about it and moved on.

Now, we hold a very casual acquaintance and we are not close friends as we used to. I realise now that he used me terribly. He knew what he was doing- he encouraged my feelings terribly and he didn’t stop it because it satisified his ego. Now, I am so grateful to God that nothing ever happened because I think that if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, I think he would have hurt me more. I realised that God does really care for me and was looking out for me, even ifI didn’t understand it at the time. I now see the guy for his true character- I discovered that he was not as good as he seemed and he is not worth it. Despite what he did, i have forgiven him and i have truely moved on. I am much happier now- I have moved on and my grades are fantastic- A+:) I have found my place even more with Jesus now and I am so grateful to him!

Sorry for the personal information overload but i am just saying this to put you in my perspective of why I agree with above. I think it is bettter that you do tell him how you feel. I know it will be scary- guaranteed, but at least you would be able to move on if he doesn’t like you. I do not like saying this, but prepare for yourself that he doesn’t like you. I find that 98% likely. if he says yes, I like you- good for you but be wary because a guy who does not have the guts to tell a girl that he likes her is immature and might not be ready for a serious relationship. you could give it a chance but i’m not sure if it will end up good. But if he says no, I guess you could just be friends ( I know it is hard) but he is not a very nice guy for playing with your feelings and is not worth your time because he doesn’t appreaciate you for the amazing person that you are!

I hope this helped:)

April 15, 2015 at 02:38
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