Over my life I’ve had many doubts about my faith, but I’ve for the most tried to be faithful for a long time. I’ve read my whole bible and prayed very religiously. I’ve been afraid for a long time to think otherwise, there is no place for the unbeliever in the heaven and those who enter must trust in God totally. In January this year, I decided to come full out to my family and tell them how I really feel about my faith and they invited another strong Christian because they thought it was an issue. When I asked my parents questions, they remained silent and didn’t answer. When I asked the strong Christian, they told me my intellect was not above God’s and kept saying that to me.
I’ve noticed that as a Christian, you have to adopt a one-track way of thinking and analyzing things and that none of the answers are fresh and original logic from the actual person, but an accepted way of thinking that comes externally and is perpetuated by the bible and preachers. It never goes deeper, farther, greater.
Quite honestly, I’ve realized the only reason why I would keep adopting that as my belief, as truth, is because I’d be afraid to go to hell otherwise. I’ve found that I’d rather die an honest person and stand judged than live in dishonesty to avoid being harshly punished.
These are things I just have an issue believing:
-In a perfect God .
-I must say, it takes one ‘hell’ of a creative mind to think up all those unique and wonderful diseases and punishments to give people on earth and in eternity.
I have much much more to say, but in short, I just don’t think God is that great of a person, or even perfect. Leaving humanity to struggle looking for solutions in the world, while He remains at peace in extreme negligence and being in a very passive-aggressive way abusive all through out (saying He loves people more than anyone else, yet ignoring their problems).
I’m never going to stop loving people and being kind to people, but there are some things I’ve tried so hard to make make sense, but I find that they do not correlate with my own idea of morality and love. What do you guys think?
Have a good day/night 😀
|September 29, 2016 at 19:10|
Probably not surprising: I can really appreciate this post. Especially the part about “Setting fire to a house then rushing in to save the day and quench the fire deems one a savior and hero.”
And honestly, I think that your issues believing these things mean that you have a far better system of morality than this supposed God, or anyone who can believe in them without issue.
|September 29, 2016 at 22:01|
|September 30, 2016 at 10:04|
Also. if you choose not to be Christian, then you must believe something. Atheism is *riddled* with holes and flaws, and so is every other religion.
|September 30, 2016 at 10:05|
@rainbowuni thanks! Ever since becoming a Christian I’ve just had issues with these things. They’re just not right. I’ve tried hiding it, faking it, but I know that deep inside I do not believe in such things. I’m not going to sacrifice my humanity to justify another’s deeds. Just the thought of those things comes across as morally disgusting. what normal person would do that? They would be considered an awful, awful , criminal.
“Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses will be looted and their wives violated (raped).” –Isaiah 13:16
That is a verse speaking about what God commands (his punishment) to happen to those who don’t worship him. I’m not justifying those deeds. I want little to do with a person who commands rape and the killing of innocent babies as a right and just thing.
Setting all things aside, whether flawed or not, there are some things I’ll never agree to say are moral, sound, and good. I’m not up-taking another religion is search of “truth”. I’ve seen enough to just stop at that and not continue looking for answers to life’s issues where there aren’t any. I won’t stop being myself, and that’s what truly matters.
|October 1, 2016 at 08:36|
Obviously, I can’t really answer those questions, and I think it’s really…well, foolish of people to try to give neat answers to them. That’s one thing I hated about fundamentalism—sure, they invite questions, but then they give nice little answers and expect you to agree and keep your mouth shut.
I was also told growing up that God might send accidents or something to punish you. It’s masochistic and evil to think God would give you disease or accidents to teach you something. I mean really, if, in the future, you had a child and they disobeyed, would you run them down with a car? It really disturbs me that some people view God like that. God is not like that.
Oh and btw “Your intellect is not above God” is code for “I have no clue how to answer that question.” So congrats you asked a good question!
Anyway, my parents raised me in extreme fundamentalism, and honestly, for a while i was afraid to think. I took 3 years off between high school and college because I was so depressed and anxious and really desperate to figure out my faith. (Because even though I was a hardcore fundamentalist Christian something inside me knew that if you want to end your life when you’re only 19 something you’re believing isn’t right. I also decided when I was 11 that I would never marry because I knew I couldn’t “submit” to my husband…I didn’t realize at the time that was a pretty extreme decision for an 11 yr old. And I don’t think wives have to submit to their husbands, but that’s a whole other topic).
Anyway, I struggled with leaving fundamentalism for a long time, and it was actually love (and the Bible, remarkably) that brought me out of it. The verse about there being “No fear in love” made me quit believing in Hell. I made a topic on that awhile ago, and my view on it has only increased. If you look at the original language and context surrounding those verses I think you’d come to the same conclusion.
There is so much more I want to say, but this is already really long. Again, sorry if this is a crazy-all-over-the-place post and feel free to ask me anything if I wasn’t clear on something.
The sum it up…please, please do not be afraid to think, ask questions and tell the truth. Really that’s the best advice I can give you—tell the truth. Not the “truth” you learned in Sunday school or even in the Bible, but what you really think. Maybe it will correlate with what you learned in the Bible, maybe it won’t. Or maybe it will, and you will find that other people were misinterpreting the Bible. All in all, just please tell the truth no matter how hard it is—it sounds like a paradox but your life will be so much easier.
Also, don’t be afraid to change your view on things a bunch of times, have unanswered questions, and don’t feel like you have to explain your beliefs and your journey to anyone (unless you want to).
Don’t be afraid to not understand everything. Contrary to what seems to be the popular belief, you don’t have to have an answer for everything.
Oh and if you’re interested in checking out Christianity from a different perspective, I’m going to link you a few blogs/articles that are really great.
Here’s some articles I think you might find particularly interesting
http://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/01/18/1o-things-this-christian-doesnt-believe-about-the-bible/ (I personally don’t agree with everything in this article, but it’s still a good, different perspective)
http://cindywords.com/faith-and-intellect/ (I haven’t read this article but it looks good)
Oh, and I just also have to add…If I, being a normal human, can understand your doubts and disgust with a lot of stuff you learned over the years, then God, who is infinitely kinder, more compassionate and understanding than I can understand it too.
Best of luck Celby <3
|October 1, 2016 at 10:28|
Thanks Adventuregirl! You are so understanding and my gosh, everyone and every Christian seems so happy and satisfied with lives and their faith and I usually just feel alone, but I’m glad you sympathize with me. It seems for everyone it makes complete and perfect sense each and every time and I’m just left wondering why to me it often doesn’t feel that way. I’m very appreciative of your words 🙂
|October 3, 2016 at 16:18|
Yeah I’m not sure why that is, when I was in high school I was really involved in church and felt like that too. I guess I tend to assume if someone’s a Christian they have the exact same belief about everything as I do (ie, views on hell, heaven, different rules you had to follow etc)
So maybe in your case, they feel happy and satisfied because they don’t feel like they have to have the answer for everything? Idk…just throwing that out there.
|October 3, 2016 at 21:48|
Here’s another really good article:
|October 4, 2016 at 17:13|
Thanks or your words of understanding @ AdventureGirl, and that’s a great article, certainly strikes a chord with me 🙂
|October 5, 2016 at 05:46|
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