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Navigating dating relationships in college

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  SignerGirl 1 year, 12 months ago.

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SignerGirl

SignerGirl

Last night I was looking forward to a night of cuddling with my boyfriend. We’ve done this before with nobody having any issues. But last night things turned interesting fairly quickly. So, I made him sleep on the floor. (I volunteered, actually. So that’s not entirely true. He even offered to leave. And maybe I should have encouraged him to, but hearing him sleep is nice, and his presence puts me in a good mood.)
Anyway, that whole situation got us on the topic of marriage. He says it won’t be for a while since we’re a kinda new couple, which I would be okay with if we weren’t both so attracted to each other. (We’ve been friends for a while now, but just started dating a month ago.)
But I also know that he’s not as concerned about the idea of waiting till marriage before we have sex, and his newest argument when that topic comes up is that there are other ways to… enjoy each other.
So now I’m kinda trying to make him understand that it’s not a law thing, it’s a heart thing. I’m not a Sunday Christian. He’s just coming back to the church after a couple years, so how do I help him understand that, while I adore him, this is a place we aren’t going? He’s really good about physically backing off when I tell him no, but sometimes he likes to argue with me. Which is fine for the most part, but this is something he needs to understand.

December 6, 2014 at 15:59
MandaPanda18

MandaPanda18

It honestly sounds like he doesn’t have a whole lot of respect for you and your wishes. If you talk to him and lay down some ground rules, such as no sex before marriage and maybe some other boundaries, and he continues to argue with you or doesn’t fully agree, then it’s probably not a healthy relationship to be in.

I’ve been in the situation before where I told a guy no and he continued to press the issue, and I had to make the decision to drop him. If you compromise even slightly on your beliefs or your morals in the physical sense (the emotional sense as well), that opens doors to more and more compromises, until there is so much of a snowball effect that you’ll wake up one day and want it all back. But you won’t be able to take it back. You may not even realize that it’s happening until it’s too late.

I would sit him down, explain to him exactly why you feel the way you do, and set some boundaries. If he’s still arguing or not fully supporting you with that, then I would highly consider breaking up with him. It sounds like you really like this guy, but I would be careful. And as always, pray about it.

I hope this helps! Good luck! <3

December 7, 2014 at 12:14
SignerGirl

SignerGirl

We enjoy some fun debates, so I feel like he just sees this as another test of his wits and thinking skills.
I’m currently thinking I’m gonna try and direct him toward scripture on this topic, then we’ll talk about it. I don’t think he’ll physically push me beyond what I agree to, but the arguing thing makes me think he doesn’t quite understand that this is serious.
Thanks very much for your concern, though I’m having a hard time hearing what you’re saying because I don’t want to think about maybe having to walk away from this relationship. I appreciate it. 🙂

December 7, 2014 at 15:08
Project Inspired

LovedEagle

I think whatever God convicts your hear to do would serve you well. But I also think that you need to let him know that if he really cares for you he will respect your boundaries, but still let him know you care about him. You can also say that you as an individual don’t feel ready until marriage, and if he really loves you at all he will respect your feelings and your heart. A man should always value your heart first.. Anyway that’s my take on it. But I think the first sentence within this paragraph is the most important to pay attention to..

December 20, 2014 at 07:25
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