As the comfort counselor in the 25th annual Putnam county spelling bee said, pain has degrees. Can I just vent for a second?
So, my brother is a real brat. I think I have posted about it before. So I was telling my friend how he verbally abuses me (he is 15, nothing to report :)). He calls me fat and is just not nice to me. Then my friend starts telling me about how her grandma made her dad sleep in the garage and was like “Your brother is verbally abusive?” UGGHHHHH!! I seriously wanted to bang my head against a table.
On a side note, you know what else bugs me? I HATE hearing, when I’m upset, “Kelly, there are people who have it worse than you” or “Kelly at least you have a roof over your head, running water, etc.” It’s like, I know that I have It well, but that’s not gonna change the fact that I’m upset, especially when it comes to theater or something I’m sensitive about.
|April 3, 2016 at 13:07|
I agree, the idea of there are different degrees of pain is complete crap. Yes, you may look back at your life and think “man I thought I couldn’t take it then, but the pain now is so much worse” (at least I do) but the truth is, we experience the worst pain as situations come along. Yes, I feel like losing a family member to a stroke was not nearly as hard as being brutally sexually assaulted and developing severe PTSD from it, but does that make losing my family member any easier? No.
You can’t say that someone who went to war has it worse than someone who was abused, or they have it worse than someone who watched their child die, or that at least that kid didn’t commit suicide. And if you have a chronic health problem? Well you just better get over that…not!
Then, I just have to add that mental illness further complicates a hard time in your life. We don’t know what the other person has gone through, what they are going through. And I hate when people start playing the “someone has it worse” card. As I heard it compared once before, if we cant be upset because someone has it worse, than we shouldn’t be allowed to be happy either because someone has it better.
Im sorry you are going through that, and while I don’t know the whole situation, you may want to distance this friend a bit. She sounds toxic if she can’t validate your feelings.
|April 3, 2016 at 13:56|
I’m sorry you’re going through that. 🙁 Amanda just said everything I was going to say better than I could. The “Someone’s got it worse” card is just stupid. That could be applied to virtually anything. It doesn’t make one thing any better. I’ve been told that about my chronic illness, and I know a lot of people feel that pain isn’t a big deal/real if it isn’t the absolute worst it could be. That is completely false. I really don’t like it when people try to one up the bad thing, as if your problem isn’t real if it isn’t worse than another problem.
|April 3, 2016 at 17:51|
^Exactly what Marcy and Mandi said.
Telling someone “oh, someone else has it worse!” is the most ridiculous/horrible thing to say. It’s hard enough to open up to someone, and hearing something like that is really hurtful. Most likely though, your friends just don’t know what to say.
I guess I just want you to know that you’re not crazy! It’s perfectly understandable for the things that you mentioned to be stressful, and I sympathize with you in regards to your brother. Mine has been pretty hurtful in the past too.
|April 3, 2016 at 19:21|
Yes yes yes. I’m a dramatic person.I feel things very strongly. And I constantly get treated like my opinions and feelings matter less and are less valid because I feel them dramatically. I mean I work on it but I’m tired of needing to be understanding of people and not getting the same courtesy in return. And like, I don’t need or want to be told I could have it worse. I know this already! :/
|April 10, 2016 at 22:12|
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