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Pre-Marritial Sex

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  carolinereinhart1 1 year, 5 months ago.

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QueenFemminist97

QueenFemminist97

When I joined this site, I thought it was a brilliant place for teen Christians to discuss about being a modern Christian girl and evolving with the times. Sadly, I have found mainly judgement. I would love to start a discussion about something that I know will cause controversy, but I feel needs to be discussed.

Pre-martial sex is of course considered a sin in the bible. I feel though that, the bible and the sins in it have evolved with the time. It was once considered sinful to not submit o your husband, work on Sunday’s, and even plant different crops in the same field. Those are obviously not considered sins anymore because the times have changed.

I understand and respect the idea of waiting for marriage and have no judgement against those who follow the idea of it. I, however, am not going to wait 7-10 years to have sex because I see nothing wrong with having sex before marriage. I love my boyfriend, and we haven’t had sex yet, but we are heading in that direction. I have a love for God and know God loves me. Is it so wrong to become intimate with someone who I love and loves me.

I think being a Christian is about a love for God and Jesus, will I be judged on this site for disagreeing with the some of the ways that I feel are old fashioned?

April 21, 2015 at 16:03
Project Inspired

Beloved_Woman

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.1 Corinthians 6:16-20

As for someone that has had sex before marriage, I can see why God told us to wait until marriage to have an amazing experience that is to be shared with your husband. It causes a whole lot of heartache, that a piece of yourself is forever with that person. You won’t be able to forget them and you will deal with more consequences throughout your life. Some things are not a sin anymore, yes, because that was underneath the old covenant-the law before Jesus died and rose again. The Bible passage above is from the New Testament. Even though some things change, God never changes and sin doesn’t change too:
1 John 2:16: “For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”

Satan uses these three tatics and sexual immorality falls into the lust of the flesh.

Please, don’t do something that you will regret. I do.

May 12, 2015 at 19:40
AdventureGirl

AdventureGirl

Hey lovely!

We may disagree with you, but we won’t judge you 😉

As far as the sins you mentioned, working on the Sabbath was not permitted under the Old Covenant in the Old Testament. When Jesus died and was raised from the dead, he fulfilled the old covenant, along with all the laws and sacrifices that went with it. We are now under the New Covenant. We are under God’s grace and covered by the blood of Jesus! 😀 (If you want bible references for this feel free to ask!)

I don’t know where it says it’s wrong to plant crops in the same field, but I assume it was somewhere in the Old Testament?

As far as women submitting to their husbands–that IS written for us living under the New Covenant. It’s something that’s debated about ALOT in Christian circles, and is really something you have to research, pray about, and decide for yourself what it means.

As far as pre-marital sex, you can hop on over to the Random Thoughts and Questions forum, someone recently asked a similar question and there’s a lot of good answers on that page 🙂

May 24, 2015 at 11:47
carolinereinhart1

carolinereinhart1

In my family, premarital sex is very common. It’s how my mom got here, so I’m not going judge (She’s the best mom in the world, and I love her no matter how she got here. =D). However, that being said, every single time that someone has done, there have been serious consequences. My mom was raised by her grandparents (They were wonderful people, but it still hurt her to not have her parents), my dad got a divorce with his first wife (They dove in before really knowing each other) and it hurt my older siblings as a result, and others have had serious issues with their emotions because they feel all dirty inside and worthless. I’m not going to judge you, that’s not my job. But one thing that I hate seeing and I know God does, too, is people suffering because of things that could’ve been avoided. Not necessarily “their fault”, but if they had done things differently, all their pain wouldn’t exist. I’ve seen it over and over and although things do get better, there is always something that leaves a permanent scar in that person’s heart. You are my sister in Christ and I love you no matter who you are and whether or not I’ve ever met you. PLEASE, no matter what decision you make, be ready to accept the consequences if they arise. Even if it is a baby, which sometimes happens, please do love it. That is the one thing that terrifies me. I hate it when babies are born to someone who does not want them because it means that that person also doesn’t want themselves. Whatever choice you make, don’t ever stop loving yourself because God loves you and wants you to be happy. Don’t jeopardize your future happiness. Love you, PI Girl. <3

May 24, 2015 at 17:11
RatzLover

RatzLover

I know what it feels like to be judged, and no one here wants you to feel that way. You reached out to us because you have a question and were here to answer it. 🙂

Heres something to consider:
“A key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more, says Dr Arun Ghosh, a GP specialising in sexual health at the Spire Liverpool Hospital.
It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy. Women produce more of this hormone, although it’s not clear why, and this means they are more likely to let their guard down and fall in love with a man after sex.
However, the problem is that the body can’t distinguish whether the person we’re with is a casual fling or marriage material — oxytocin is released either way. So while it might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when a short-term relationship ends.”

There is a specific hormone that is only produced twice in a woman’s life. One, when she has sex for the first time, and two when she has just given birth and is bonding with her newborn. God gave us this so that we could bond with the people most important to us: our husbands and our children.

If we go and have sex with someone who we are not married to, then we are bonding with the wrong person. Thats why a girls “first” is such a big deal. Theres also a reason why its not as big a deal for guys:

“Men, on the other hand, instead of getting a surge of bonding hormone receive a surge of simple pleasure.
‘The problem is that when a man has an orgasm, the main hormone released is dopamine — the pleasure hormone. And this surge can be addictive,’ says Dr Ghosh.
That’s why so many more men tend to suffer from sex addiction.”

Honestly, i didnt wait to have sex. And even though were both 100% certain were suppose to get married, afterwards i felt horrible. There was so much guilt and disappointment in myself that it took me weeks before i felt better. That night i almost broke up with him. I was angry with him for not stopping us, even though it was just as much my fault.
That was NOT how i dreamed my first time would be like. After we were done i wouldnt talk, laugh, or even smile because of the guilt. Afterwards he kept holding me and kissing me and telling me that he loved me, but i didnt feel the same way in that moment. I said everything back but i was numb.
After that we had a pregnancy scare because we didnt think we were going to have sex so we didnt have a condom. Im not pregnant, but it made everything even worse.
It is so important to wait, i cant stress that enough. And if the stories dont convince you then look at the scientific side of it, God wired us to follow his plan and to follow his rules. Not so that he can be mean and so that we dont have a choice, but because we’ll get hurt if we dont.

I hope this helped or answered your question 🙂

June 12, 2015 at 10:49
carolinereinhart1

carolinereinhart1

@RatzLover Girl, I’m so sorry. That must have been terrible. 🙁 So, what did you do afterwards? Like, are you guys still together or are you with another man? No judging here, I’m just curious. I’ve never had a boyfriend before, so i have no clue how it really works. I see TV and movies, and I have my sister who’s engaged, but none of those are really positive influences.

June 13, 2015 at 06:03
RatzLover

RatzLover

No its fine i dont care 🙂

Were still together, on the 31st it’ll be our 6 month anniversary. He was a virgin too, and later on that night within a few hours he felt just as bad as i did about it. And he blamed himself cause i kept telling him we should stop but he wouldnt listen. But he wasnt doing it in a threatening kinda way, i was just nervous.

He bought me a purity ring a week or so after we started dating, we were actually with his family out to eat at his favorite restaurant at the mall for his birthday. But he pulled me into Kay’s and told me to pick out whichever one i wanted haha. Hes awesome. But ever since then we just call it a promise ring instead of a purity ring because it was both from the start…but we dont wanna lie about the purity part.

What really sucks is if our parents ever ask us about it…weve already decided that were not going to lie. Neither of our parents waited till they got married to have sex, but none of them were Christians then so they kinda have an excuse. Both of us have been in church our entire lives, so we knew what was right and what wasnt.

And the even worse part is that when we have kids, we cant exactly tell them that they have to wait for marriage because we didnt. Making that decision in that moment has serious consequences you dont even consider in that moment, you just want to feel good. Weve already decided that were not having sex again till our wedding night. Its going to be even harder now because we know what sex feels like. Trust me, its easier to say no when you dont know what it feels like.

I heard this one time and im trying to make it habit for me to say before i make any decisions now:
How will this decision effect me in 5 minutes? 5 days? 5 weeks? 5 months? 5 years?

And it seems kinda lame but if you pause and really think about it, you can see all the negative ways it can effect your life. Lets take my scenario for example. Would that have effected me in 5 minutes? Probably not, unless if we had gotten caught which was a really big possibility because of where we were. So lets run with that possibility. 5 days? If my mom had caught us, then by that point we would have had a sit down with both sets of parents, and gotten a big lecture and punishment. 5 months? Part of our punishment would have probably limited our time together. No being alone, always with a sibling or parent, always having to get checked on if were out together. It would probably take a toll on our relationship. 5 years? It might work out in the end, but our parents would have never trusted us, and my parents wouldnt have liked him as much as they do now, and his parents would feel the same about me. And honestly, that still could happen if they ever find out.

Now what if i had gotten pregnant? 5 minutes? Well, im about to be pregnant and theres not much i can do about that. 5 days? Already might be pregnant. 5 weeks? I find out im pregnant when i take a pregnancy test because ive missed my period. 5 months? Already a few months along, need money for the baby. Babies cost an average of $12,000 dollars their first year. Where is that money going to come from? I cant work now because im pregnant (assuming). Where would we live? Would we get married? And if so, wheres all that money coming from? Nevermind all that, ive gotta push a human being out in a few months and thats gonna hurt like nothing before, so lets just add that stress on top of it. 5 years? Well, a lot could change in that amount of time. We could have gotten a divorce, the baby could have disabilities, i could be a single mom and have to work and live with my parents because i dont make enough money to support myself and the baby.

See, it has a real big snowball effect. Those were all assumptions btw, some might not even be all that accurate but those are things ive heard that have happened before. But the cost of a baby the first year is accurate.

Basically, that was a really long answer to a short question lol. Sorry about that word vomit, but i hope this helped! 🙂

June 13, 2015 at 10:30
carolinereinhart1

carolinereinhart1

@RatzLover No, no, no, you’re fine! I’m glad that things are improving for you and he seems very nice. Guys are NOT good about impulse control (I have two brothers, I know)! I just wish that more people took the time to think about the consequences of their actions. I do this more often than I should, if I’m honest, but at least I don’t get into that much trouble. I’m hope that you guys stay together, it seems like a healthy relationship. As far as your parents go, they’ll love you and forgive no matter what. It may hurt them at first, but they probably won’t be as bad as you think. =)

June 13, 2015 at 10:41
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