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Questioning my sexuality

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends Random Thoughts and Questions Questioning my sexuality

This topic contains 7 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Runner_with_endurance 9 months, 3 weeks ago.

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Project Inspired


I’ve been questioning my sexuality for a while now, and honestly I need to hear some thoughts other than my own. Has anyone else been here? Even if you haven’t please give me any advice you have. Thankyou.

February 17, 2016 at 17:15


I know this is a sensitive subject, so before I say anything know that everything I write is said with the utmost respect 🙂

I don’t believe that anyone can change their gender, or that anyone is born the “wrong” gender. I believe some people question their sexuality because of the foolish stereotypes and boxes society places on men and women.

In reality though–ie according to scripture– nothing is exclusively masculine or feminine. No matter what I do, I can’t be masculine. I just can’t, because I’m a woman. I can be strong, brave, have leadership skills, be muscular, etc. etc. etc. I can do and be anything I want and still be feminine. Because I am. I just am. None of the traits I mentioned are masculine or feminine, they’re human traits.

Here’s an example–I could start questioning my humanity and go and live like an animal but it wouldn’t change the fact that I’m a human in the slightest. No matter what I can’t be an animal–even if I decide to eat grass or crawl around hunting for food.

Are you by any chance questioning your sexuality because sometimes people say women shouldn’t do certain things that men get to do? If so, I-G-N-O-R-E and do whatever you want God doesn’t want us to be conformed to the pattern of this world, but to live our own creative lives.

If there is something you want to do, you are free to do it, as long as it isn’t immoral.

February 17, 2016 at 18:50
Project Inspired


Thankyou so much for replying. I guess I wasnt very clear though in my description. Im new to this lol. By sexuality i mean orientation like who Im attracted to.

February 18, 2016 at 05:39
Mandi Pi

Mandi Pi

First, while it is of course fine to discuss this in the friendly World O’ PI, this is not a place to formulate mass decisions that will affect the course of your life. So, I highly recommend talking to a parent, trusted relative, older sibling, pastor, or church youth leader about this. 🙂 Obviously, anywhere you go, you’re going to get mixed responses, but it’s always best to talk to trusted people in your life who actually know you.

Now, as for my thoughts, I think what AdventureGirl said still sort of applies.
Personally, I do not see any Biblical or logical evidence whatsoever that backs up the belief that homosexuality is what God intended. All the verses, logic, and arguments that I have encountered point to God intending romantic love to be between one man and one woman, therefore I believe that anything else is immoral. I do think that people can legitimately struggle with homosexual feelings, I simply believe that those feelings are indeed a struggle with sin, and that acting upon those feelings is sin.

If you would like to hear the afore mentioned verses, logic, and arguments that point to homosexuality being sinful/not God-intended, let me know.

That being said, there are a few reasons why you might be feeling attraction towards the same sex.
First, it could be a result of past abuse (particularly sexual abuse). If you were abused by males, you might be emotionally scarred by that; therefore later when you start feeling romantically attracted, your fear/emotional scarring leads to females looking more attractive than males. But of course if you have not experienced abuse, then that does not apply.
Second, it could simply be that you’re mistaking certain feelings as sexual attraction. I’ve used this example in a forum here before, so allow me to utilize it again: I have a good friend, we’ll call her X for the sake of privacy. I think X is extremely beautiful, we have a lot in common, I like spending time with her, I like having physical contact when we hug. But does this mean I am romantically attracted to her or identify as gay/bisexual? No, not at all. You can think a girl is beautiful/attractive, or even that she has a nice butt or something, and not be attracted to her. You can enjoy physical contact like hugging, without being attracted to the person that you are hugging. You can really admire a person or love spending time with them, without being attracted to them. So you have to first evaluate your emotions and make sure that what you assume is romantic attraction, is actually romantic attraction.
Third, this could be a legitimate struggle that Satan is attacking you with in order to pull you away from God’s design and plan for you.
Fourth, I am completely wrong in my opinions, and you are gay/bisexual, and that is totally normal and okay in God’s eyes. (While I do not at all believe that, I have to put it forth as a possible option, since my opinion is just that, an opinion).

I do know people who question their sexuality, although I myself have not experienced that.

I do not know your current stance on the matter of whether or not homosexuality is sinful, but whatever your stance is, I implore you to do plenty of your own research to decide what you believe about it. Never just accept what one, or even multiple people say, and formulate your own opinion based on that; look into it yourself and decide based on what *you* find. Just remember to be honest with yourself, and if what you find is not what you want to hear, you have to accept it anyway.

I hope this helped, let me know if you want advice/thoughts on something more specific about the matter. Have an awesome day,and remember you’re beautiful and loved! <3 (=^.^=)

February 18, 2016 at 08:45


^^^Yes Yes yes to everything lovely MandiPI said!

I dearly love my female friends, I’m a very touchy-feely person and think they’re absolutely beautiful. < That doesn't make you gay/lesbian. The thing that makes you gay/lesbian is if you want to have sex with someone of the same gender.

One other thing I want to add: I find so strange is that people say certain things/personal attributes are "gay" or whatever. "Omg his voice is gay" "her attitude is gay" "omg his interests are gay" " she does such-in-such she's obviously a lesbian!”

Interests, attributes, character traits and personalities are not gay or straight.

Also, like mandi said, as good as it is to share this on PI, it will make a huge difference to share it in person with someone you trust–someone who is open-minded and respectful!– Please do! It really does make a difference.

And as you figure this out, always keep in mind God is for you, not against you! He’s not angry at you for questioning, and loves you very, very dearly.

February 18, 2016 at 12:02
Project Inspired


Thanks again for replying. It’s awesome to hear from others than going in a continouis circle in my own mind. I’d love to hear the verses you mentioned too if it’s ok.😊

February 18, 2016 at 15:17
Mandi Pi

Mandi Pi

Certainly. Pardon me, as I said “verses”, but there is actually only one verse that I consider to be unarguable.

Leviticus 18:22 and Leviticus 20:13 are often brought up, but of course, that is Old Testament laws, so there is always the argument that homosexuality is now okay because we are free from Old Testament laws. (Although personally, I think there is a difference between OT laws about foods and stuff, and OT laws about things such as homosexuality…homosexuality is not just something that would be sinful and one point in time and then perfectly fine at another point–it’s either God-intended or not God-intended, and as it was clearly not God-intended in the time of the OT, I see that as reason to believe it is not God-intended now).

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and 1 Timothy 1:10 are often brought up, as they mention the word homosexuality and deem it as a sin. However, there are arguments against that because of the meaning of the original Greek text (as in, the word “homosexuality” may have been translated incorrectly, and may have been referring to other sexual sin).

The one verse which I see as unarguable is Romans 1:26-27…”Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.” There is really no argument against this. This is New Testament, it does not simply use the word homosexuality, there is really no cultural context that might make it so that an “appropriate” same-sex relationship would be okay in our day and age, and it is really quite straight forward.

Now, to be completely honest, if it were only those verses which pointed to homosexuality being a sin, then yes, I might question my belief on this and have to dig even deeper in order to be sure. However, I see many logical reasons why homosexuality is immoral/not God-intended.

First, God created Adam and Eve, a man and a woman, and Eve was created to give Adam a companion. So, logically, with Adam and Eve as the prime, original example of marriage, God intended for marriage to be between a man and a woman; He even says in Genesis 2:24, ” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Second, every single time the Bible talks about marriage, it uses the words “husband” and “wife”, “man” and “woman”. Every single time. Genesis 2, Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 11, Matthew 19, Proverbs 31, Proverbs 18, 1 Corinthians 7, Colossians 3, Mark 10, Matthew 5, 1 Peter 3, and others…all of these chapters have verses that talk about some aspect of marriage, and in all of them, it says “husband” and “wife”, “man” and “woman”. One man, one woman, a husband and a wife. It can be argued that this was cultural, or simple word choice, or whatever, but the way I see it, authors are intentional about word choice. And as God is the ultimate author, He is *always* intentional about word choice, so there has to be some significance in the fact that it never discusses same-sex marriage, except to say that it’s sinful.

Third, you have to acknowledge that one of the purposes of sex/marriage is to reproduce. Reproduction is not the *only* purpose in marriage, it is not the *only* purpose in sex, and it is not always meant to occur in marriages; however, it is clearly a natural, God-intended result of sex in marriage. And the simple fact is, two women or two men cannot reproduce. From a sheer biological standpoint, reproduction is a natural result of sex, reproduction is necessary, sex between two women or two men cannot result in reproduction, therefore, sex between two women or two men is not necessary. To me, this makes it painfully obvious that God did not intend for two women or two men to have sexual relations, therefore He did not intend for there to be same-sex marriages.

That is the sort-of-short version of my argument, sorry it was so long! Hopefully that made sense and perhaps provided you with some new evidence or things to think about. 🙂 Let me know if you want me to clarify anything or answer to something more specific.

February 18, 2016 at 19:25
Project Inspired


Awesome thanks I love seeing different perspectives.

February 19, 2016 at 13:58
Project Inspired


To answer your original question, I haven’t been there but I know it’s not something you have to figure out overnight! Take your time with questioning, you don’t have to slap a label on just yet

March 10, 2016 at 12:01
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