I’m really self-absorbed.
Basically, I’ve noticed that almost everything I do is partly–mostly–so I can manipulate what people think of me. Everything from school, to sports, to getting fit. Yeah, I do these things in part to learn, to be healthy etc. but I mainly do them so people will think I’m really smart, or really pretty, or whatever. As if I were those things (really smart and really pretty and really talented) I would be better than other people. Superior to.
It’s like I’m so obsessed with myself. Me, me, me.
I just feel like…I’ve been attaching a meaningless purpose to all the activities I’m involved in, and if I could stop–and put myself aside and what I think other people are thinking of me aside, I could bring so much more to everything I do. I could start doing everything for it’s real, intended purpose instead of just so people will think well of me.
I want to relate to people in a normal manner and stop feeling superior when I do something well and inferior when I mess up. I wish I could stop feeling this way.
This is going to sound weird, but I think I subconsciously hold back a little when I do everything, because I know when I do something well I start thinking I’m better than everyone else, and I know that’s wrong so I sabotage myself.
Anyway, I know this is long so thank you if you finished reading this! I’ve never told anyone, and I actually only became aware of it a few months ago.
|July 23, 2015 at 09:51|
I actually have this problem as well. At church hoping people see you, instead of worshipping .
|July 23, 2015 at 14:10|
There is NOTHING wrong with being proud of yourself, your accomplishments, your appearance and your capability. It is only wrong when you start to compare other people to yourself, and wonder if they are as good as you. It is also wrong if you are TRYING to make people jealous.
Try taking part in activities that build up other people. For example, try volunteering at a homeless center, or a place like that. When your focus is on other people, and pleasing God, then you will rarely consider yourself. Try spending more time focusing on God and others, and start using those God-given gifts that you are so proud of for his kingdom! Don’t hold yourself back!
|July 23, 2015 at 18:49|
Juanita~ Thanks girl! That’s a good idea.
Nate~ Thank you for your encouraging words! Comparing myself to others is one of the main problems, which when you think about it is actually kind of ridiculous since everyone is so different. 🙂
|July 25, 2015 at 08:36|
I second Nate! That’s so true, the more you focus on God and others, the less selfish you become! I’ll apply that!
|July 26, 2015 at 17:43|
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