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Submit to your husband; what does that even mean?

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends Relationships Submit to your husband; what does that even mean?

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Petunia 7 months, 1 week ago.

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I was reading articles, listening to sermons and talking to my Christian friend and they all seem to agree on this point: wives should submit to their husbands.

I understand that submitting to your husband doesn’t mean putting up with abuse etc. I think, at least when others explain it to me, means that the guy should have a leadership position in the relationship. Also,i’m beginning to warm to the idea of a guy pursuing me (thought I’d throw that in there). However, why is the guy the better leader? Maybe, because I’m a teenager (teen girls tend to be more mature than teen guys) I have trouble understanding this. When I look at my guy friends I just think to myself “really, these guys are gonna be the leaders in their relationship?” especially when the girls in my friendship group have to take charge of pretty much everything.
I dunno, I think I’m missing something here.

(P.S. I do actually really love my guy friends; they are super sweet just not the most organised or ‘leadery’ )

February 15, 2016 at 17:25


Hi courage!
I understand your confusion about this. I used to be super confused about this too.

But then as I continued to read my Bible and grow in my relationship with God, I realized that though out the Bible marriage is a picture of Christianity.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-14.

We hear those verses a lot in Christian circles, and I’m sure you’ve ran into them when you listened to sermons and talked to your friends on this subject.

However, don’t stop at verse 24. Let’s keep reading:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Ephesians 5:25.

Wives are supposed to submit to their husbands as the Church submits to Jesus.
BUT husbands are to love their wives **as Christ loved the Church.**

And how did Christ love the Church? He died for her. He gave up his life here on earth for her. He sacrificed EVERYTHING for her.

I don’t know about you, but if my future husband loves me even half as much as Jesus loves the Church, I will gladly submit to him and follow him.

And don’t think of submission as “always following his every beck and call without regard to reason.” It doesn’t mean blind obedience (although obedience is part of it).

It means showing him respect.

Respecting his decisions and his thoughts and opinions and respecting him as a person (like how we respect God’s decisions, thoughts, opinions, and respect Him as God).

It means recognizing his awesomeness and thanking him for all he does for us (like how we should recognize how amazing God is and thank God for all he does for us).

It means loving him with all our heart (like how we love God with all our heart, soul and mind).

This does NOT mean that girls are less than guys. I hate it so much when people try to say that’s what these verses mean. God made man and women as equals.

Women are not inferior to men. Not emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.

When Peter said in his letter for husbands to show honor to their wives as “the weaker vessel,” Peter didn’t mean the wife is weak emotionally, menally, or spiritually (1 Peter 3:7).

Women are weaker than men physically.
That’s it.
(And that’s only speaking in general terms. If we were to randomally select a man and a woman out a crowd, said woman might very possibly be stronger than said man.)

We should let guys pursue us because Christ pursued the Church. It goes back to how marriage is ultimately an analogy for our relationship with Christ.

I hope this helped you. 🙂
Let me know if you have any questions!


March 4, 2016 at 14:56



I actually wrote a two-part blog post about this that I think might help.

You can read part 1 here: https://damselsdigress.wordpress.com/2015/08/25/how-god-is-sexist-part-1/

And part 2 here: https://damselsdigress.wordpress.com/2015/09/08/how-god-is-sexist-part-2/

As far as not being able to see the guys you know as leaders in your relationship, I remember feeling that way when I was a teenager. Now I’m in my 20s, and although there are definitely quite a few guys I wouldn’t consider marrying (and therefore submitting to), there are definitely some guys who are asserting themselves as strong leaders in my church and friend group. So maybe a couple more years will help with that 🙂

April 29, 2016 at 21:08
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