hi this is for all those people who are married, getting married, or know they’ve found the one. how do you know???? I know I’ve found the one and I just wanted to hear how you new. I read the article on the one by PI and he does every one except the last one witch is for good reasons. but how did you know? what sort of things would be obvious?
|March 3, 2015 at 16:33|
This is going to seem discouraging at first but I promise it’s really freeing — there really isn’t such a thing as “the one”.
You know how they’re the one? When you stand at the altar and promise that they’ll be the only one for the rest of your life.
There are no perfect relationships. There are not neat relationships. They’re all messy, all hard. The 10 signs that PI gives are pretty helpful — not for finding the one, but finding one who’s worth it. One who’s worth the messy and the hard. One who’s worth giving up being single for.
It’s important to remember that to God, we’re all worth it. When you choose who to marry — and it is a choice, and there’s probably more than one good answer — when you choose who to marry, you want that choice to be worth giving up being single. Being single is really beautiful, and you have a lot of opportunities that you don’t have when you’re married, and a lot of energy to devote to your passions that you don’t have anymore when you start giving a person your passion.
God counsels us to marry wisely — to not be “unequally yoked”. That means you don’t want one person pulling all of the spiritual weight in a relationship. Trying to “fix” the person you’re in a relationship with? That’s called being co-dependent, and it’ll only hurt both of you. But when two people are “evenly yoked” that means they’re working together — in unison. They take turns holding each other up and being held.
When you marry someone you want a good team mate. Someone you work well with. Someone who’s going to help you through this adventure in life.
There may be more than one good option. More than one good teammate.
But see, this is important:
It’s not the intimacy that makes the commitment.
It’s the commitment that makes the intimacy.
It’s the saying that day in, day out, even when you’re broken, even when you’re unlovable, I will love you — that makes a safe space for someone to be intimate in marriage. Physically and emotionally.
So really, you’re not loving them like “the one”, until you commit to them. Until you promise to love them, no matter what, for forever. Like God loves us. And because we are inhuman and perfect, it will be inhuman and perfect, but God makes all things beautiful.
Marriage matters — public, covenant commitment matters — precisely because promising to love someone no matter what is very, very hard to do. You are pledging to be coupled to a broken, messy person for the rest of your life. That is not a promise to make lightly. And when we make that promise in front of others, and in front of God — to be held accountable to by others, and to by God — we’re enlisting even more teammates to help us love well. They’re not standing ready to shame us when we mess up — they’re standing ready to encourage us to keep on loving even when it’s really hard. They’re there to remind us why it’s all worth it.
The idea of “the one” can be really dangerous in marriage — because what if you’re married and you find someone “better”? Someone more “exciting”? Someone who “completes you”? Suddenly you’re forced to choose between giving up on the person you’re with, or living without “the one”. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.
The advice given by PI, and given by others here, will help you know if someone is a wise choice.
How you know they’re the one?
When you say “I do”.
|March 5, 2015 at 16:32|
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