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This guy is making me uncomfortable…should I tell an adult?

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends High School Girl Talk This guy is making me uncomfortable…should I tell an adult?

This topic contains 12 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  AdventureGirl 1 year, 9 months ago.

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mkay77

mkay77

Let’s call the guy D. D and I are in year 11 in high school.
We used to be good friends in 8th grade, but we signed up for different courses, and our paths…diverged a bit.
He’s been acting a bit fishy as of late. I’ve been letting it fly for the most part since I know he didn’t have a very easy childhood, and he has a couple of disabilities, but they’re not to the point he’s put in special classes. I feel terrible for feeling like I need an adult involved, but I think I’ve just about had it.
In the past semester or so, he’s said some pretty sensitive stuff. He’s called me out as a “freak” because of my compulsive tendencies (thanks OCD), and he’s also made really insensitive remarks. I was sitting in a table in lunch, and he and his friends happened to be there too. All of a sudden, they were saying these awful things about gay people, and they made fun of this lesbian girl even after she burst out crying. They were saying how “no one should care about them” and how the world would be better if all gays just killed themselves. They then got onto me for not bullying her, and I told the principal about that–not because of me–I was terrified about the student’s safety. Luckily, she is okay, but I’m still pretty haunted by my former friend’s transformation.
His words aren’t the only change in him. He’s gotten a bit more physical too. Although he doesn’t do this to me nearly as much as he does to other girls, he forces me to hug him. For those who know me, I have to be super comfortable with someone in order to hug them (as in I can write a biography about that person comfortable), and quite frankly, he’s not one of those people I’m okay with physical contact. However, he cannot take no for an answer. I’ve been trying to bite my tongue because he’s been doing worse to other girls (I saw him grab this girl’s boob…she seemed to have “given up” with him). However, today was the last straw. He came up to me and had his hand on my back; it was on there too long for it to constitute as “patting”, but it was too brisk to be “rubbing”, if that makes sense. It felt like he could pull the back of my bra if he really wanted to. He then forced me to hug him, and I’m super uncomfortable. I never have anyone to sit with during lunch, so I have no squad to defend me 🙁 my boyfriend, who doesn’t go to my school, doesn’t know about this–no one does, actually. Should I tell the school counsellor?

February 5, 2015 at 23:02
Marcy

Marcy

Definitely tell an adult. If a guy is being like that, tell an adult.

February 6, 2015 at 09:23
EmeraRider

EmeraRider

Oh my goodness, please tell somebody.
Distance yourself from this guy. The next time he makes you feel uncomfortable, forces you to hug him, etc. , please don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Make it clear to him that you feel unsafe around him and that he NEEDS to stop. Keep in mind that you don’t have to be soft-spoken when it comes to standing up for yourself to someone like this. The counselor will help you out with it as well.
Ugh. It makes me so upset hearing about people like this who have zero respect for the comfort of others. Once you let someone know, they should take care of this kid’s problems.

February 6, 2015 at 16:28
chloe523

chloe523

I know how you feel. This guy at my school used to do stuff like this and it was really uncomfortable for me. If you haven’t already, let him know first. Tell him straight up, “you are making me uncomfortable, and you need to stop”. He may not even realize that he’s doing something that makes you uncomfortable, at least that’s how it was for the guy that I know. When I told him to seriously stop and made it clear that I was uncomfortable, he didn’t do it anymore. If that doesn’t work, that’s when you need to tell someone.

February 7, 2015 at 07:25
mkay77

mkay77

Unfortunately, I have been giving him signs to stop–I’ve brushed his hand off me, told him “no”/”stop it”/etc., and even got so far as to smacked him in self-defense, but he still doesn’t get the drift :/ I think I’m going to talk to the counsellor this Monday. Thanks guys! Have a good day 🙂

February 7, 2015 at 13:40
chloe523

chloe523

The thing is, guys often think that you are joking or just playing around when you say stuff like that. Girls smack guys playfully and do that kind of stuff all the time just to flirt and maybe he doesn’t see that you aren’t kidding. Sometimes the guys won’t think you are serious until you stand up and say “look. You need to get your hands off of me right now and stay away from me jerk”. I’m not saying that this would definitely make him stop, because I don’t know the guy you are talking about, but this is just what worked for me. Sometimes guys are just too oblivious to catch the “signs”.

February 7, 2015 at 16:24
InsanityPrincess

InsanityPrincess

Ugh, girl, I know these feels! Well… sorta…

I’m not a touchy person. I’m not. I’m not like… psychotic about it, but usually I won’t run up to someone (guy), full on front hug them, hit them in the arm if they’re being stupid, or touch them at all. I feel creepy if I do… over-thinker right here! Well anywho, this dude who used to be my neighbor, and goes to my church, has a crush on me (or is just…. really odd). He talks to me about… cars. And guns. And insultts girls. And expects that I will be interested in cars. And, since we used to be neighbors, he talks about “way back when” we were totesally bestie-BFFL’s. Look, I’m going to be honest here: He always creeped the heck outta me. He would come over uninvited and hang out (we were outside and all… but still.) I never liked him that much. He now talks to me about how small my old house was, how he never realized how small it was, and how weird my old bedroom was. Yes, he spoke about my bedroom. Naw bro! It’s just… you don’t talk about that! Ever! No. He also tries to be funny. He hit me in the head with a dodgeball (after I said several times not to) and when I took them away he tried to get them back, I firmly said NO, and he continued trying to hit them out of my hands. He also bumps into me a lot, stares at me, tries to play tag with me (I shut that down FAST), and it got to the point where my guy friend asked him if he liked me. How do I know this? BECAUSE HE FOLLOWED ME TO THE WATER FOUNTAIN AND TOLD ME! (caaaaaaaaaps) It was one of the most awkward things ever. He also once tried to get a string back from me, and he put his hand on my SHOULDER and tried to get it back. I immediately squirmed away. It was awful.

I’m naturally flirty, so maybe he thinks that I was flirting with him. I blocked him on social media, gave short answers on the group chat. (he argued about Bill Clinton for 20 minutes) and started totally ignoring him, but then I felt bad, so I gave him half of my attention and as soon as my guy friend would talk to me I’d leave the conversation. It’s a blaaaaaast. It’s during AWANA (I help with the Cubbiessssssss) and I can’t get away…. Oy, it’s a blaaast. So I sorta relate, but lesser, but in my mind it’s huge.

February 7, 2015 at 18:49
AdventureGirl

AdventureGirl

^InsanityPrincess~I am a touchy-person but that guy would drive me absolutely crazy. I hate it when guys touch me at all without permission (aside from hugs. But unless I know them super well patting my shoulder and back is annoying) or when I tell them to stop something and they think I’m playing “hard to get”. —___— Ummm, no. Just no.

Mmkay~I’m soooo glad you told someone. He sounds like a creeper.

February 8, 2015 at 12:01
InsanityPrincess

InsanityPrincess

@Adventure, it’s quite irritating… It’s not just me that is freaked out/annoyed by him either… Two of my close friends are weirded out too, and I know he messages one of them a lot… She despises it. It’s creepy. I think he thinks that he’s a… Girl magnet or something. Creepy. And wrong. Sooooo wrong. I think a good rule of thumb is that if you are not touching them, they shouldn’t touch you. It’s creepy otherwise… And I hate it when they assume we play hard-to-get. No… Actually you either repulse me or we’re JUST friends. Geez.

February 8, 2015 at 12:29
mkay77

mkay77

I told the counselor today! Thanks to you all once again 🙂

February 9, 2015 at 14:32
chloe523

chloe523

Update us on how things work out 🙂

February 12, 2015 at 15:37
mkay77

mkay77

He’s still in school (I saw him during lunch), but he avoids eye contact with me, so that’s good:) Thanks guys!!

February 15, 2015 at 09:03
AdventureGirl

AdventureGirl

Mkayy–yay!! I’m happy things are going better for you 🙂

February 24, 2015 at 19:46
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