Hi. I’ve been putting this off for a while, but I just don’t know what to do. This is going to be long, but please bear with me. I really need advice.
There’s this guy. I’ll call him G. If you’ve read my other stories, you know all about him. Fun, kind, cute, all that good stuff. Has a little bit of a sketchy past, but he turned away and is living clean now. We became good friends in August or so. He always wanted to talk to me and be around me. He called me these really cute names. He told me all this amazing stuff and he made me really happy. But we were just friends. He told me about all his crushes, which was weird because it seemed like he was flirting with me. I was flirting back. We had a good relationship, but he still liked other girls and he told me about them. I found that confusing, but whatever, right?
So there is this girl he went out with twice and broke up with twice. I’ll call her N. I’ve known her since middle school, but we were never really good friends. N and I got on the subject of G once, and she sounded like she hated him. But one day I saw them talking together like they were old friends. What? And they kept seeing each other and hanging out. But I asked G about her and he said “There’s nothing going on there.” So I believed him.
Then in November, he stopped texting me. G and I used to text every day and every night, barely stopping. Then he just stopped. We kept seeing each other at school, but he started seeming distant, almost like he didn’t want me around anymore. So one day, I just didn’t talk to him and I wondered if he’d notice. He never said a word. So I went up to him the next day, and he told me that he wondered why I wasn’t there yesterday. N even told me that he said sadly, “She hasn’t talked to me in a few days.” So I was reassured that he really did care about me, and he really did want me around.
December. I was getting annoyed with N always being around, even though G said there was nothing between them, and G and I weren’t together. But dang, did I like him. We still saw each other multiple times a day, but N was usually there, too. He was all friendly with her, and it seemed like he just didn’t notice me as much. But on the Thursday before Christmas Break, after school, I went to G’s locker. He and N were hugging (G and I hugged a lot, too), and then N left. As a joke, I said “Haha, I feel like I’m third-wheeling or something” and he said “Well, I wouldn’t really call it third-wheeling since there’s not really anything going on there.” I was ecstatic. Maybe if I just put myself out there, he’d finally realize that I liked him and he’d ask me out!
The next day, the day before break, I went to one of my good friends, who also happened to be friends with G and his friends. She knew I liked G and really wanted us to get together. I told her how excited I was that he really straight-up told me that there was nothing between him and N. She looked at me and said “I want to tell you, but I don’t want to make you sad.” I said “Tell me what? I can handle it.” I figured, he didn’t like me. He has a crush on another girl. Something like that. This was so much worse.
She said that G and N are having sex. They’re “friends with benefits”.
I didn’t believe her at first, but she said that she heard it come straight out of G’s mouth. I was in denial for a little while, but then it sank in. I didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day. He probably didn’t notice. I was really depressed for a few days. I was just really angry and upset about everything.
He lied to me and he isn’t the person I thought he was. It’s still Christmas Break. It’s been two weeks and he hasn’t said a word to me. I have lost all romantic feelings toward him, but for some stupid reason, I still want to be his friend. But I don’t see how that’s possible anymore.
So I basically have three options, but only two are really considerable: do I confront him? Do I just stop talking to him and see what he does? Or do I just act like nothing happened? The last one is probably just going to hurt me even more, so I’m not doing that. But the other two… I don’t know which one to do. Both are going to be super painful and awkward and I don’t know which one is worse. I’ve been praying for guidance. Maybe you guys are the guidance I need. Please help me. I have no idea what to do. Which one should I do?
If you’ve read this far, know that you have my utmost thanks.
|January 3, 2015 at 08:05|
Wow that’s tough… honestly, I know you are ruling out the third option but I think that it’s the one you should go with. I mean, I wouldn’t act completely like NOTHING happened, but still try to go back to being friends with him or at least talking to him some. The thing is, we both know that this hurt you, but he doesn’t know. And we both know that what G is doing is completely wrong in God’s eyes, but he doesn’t know, because he doesn’t know God. G never intentionally meant to hurt anyone, and he couldn’t possibly know that you would care about this situation because you never told him that you had feelings for him. If you were to not talk to him at all and see what he does, you would probably leave him feeling hurt and ignored, and if you were to confront him, you would have to admit that you had feelings for him and that would just be way too uncomfortable and awkward for you. I know it’s really hard, but you have to forgive him, even though he hasn’t asked for forgiveness, and even though he has no idea what he has done. I’m not saying that the two of you ever have to be good friends again, and I don’t think that you should be good friends, but don’t just drop him off without an explanation. I’m sorry if this is unclear or not good advice or whatever. My thoughts are kind of jumbled as I’ve literally typed this answer and deleted it like 5 times already cause I keep changing my mind. I just really believe that the best thing to do, is not going to be the easiest for you, but it doesn’t mean it’s not the best choice. Keep asking God for guidance, and I will be praying for you too 🙂 No matter what happens you are not alone in this situation <3
|January 3, 2015 at 10:00|
I really appreciate this. I forgot to add a thing: he does know God. He says he’s a Christian and he goes to church and lives in a religious family and all that. But obviously, by the way he’s acting, we can both tell that he talks the talk, but doesn’t walk the walk. So more than likely he does know that what he’s doing is wrong. He just keeps doing it.
What bothers me is not that he has a “friend with benefits.” I mean, it bothers me, but not as much as the fact that he lied to me about it. I do realize that he doesn’t even know that he hurt me, but then again, I wasn’t supposed to know about his “friend,” apparently.
Honestly? Thank you for your advice. You’re completely right. I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t forgiving him; that’s really what I need to do. I guess I just won’t see him as much as I used to, but I’ll still see him. I’ll still talk to him. I’ll still be his friend. But now that the “I wanna date you” feelings are gone, I guess it’ll be easier being his friend now 🙂
You are amazing and I thank you so so so much for helping me out. Honestly, this has been chewing me up for the last two weeks. Thank you thank you thank you!
|January 3, 2015 at 16:40|
You’re very welcome 🙂 I hope everything works out well
|January 3, 2015 at 17:21|
Gosh, that’s hard. I’m so sorry, and I really hope that you’ll feel better soon.
Well, since you’ve lost romantic feeling for him, it’s time to let yourself heal. I agree with Chloe, you don’t have to write it off, but you don’t need to throw it out there either. It’s obviously something you can’t brush off, but inflating things certainly won’t help. Just take the time you need to let yourself heal. It will take some time, but one day, you’ll wake up and find that it doesn’t hurt you anymore. Everything will be okay. <3
|January 6, 2015 at 14:55|
Wow, i know this is kinda late to be replying to this but honestly i would confront him about it. i was dating this guy for over a year and he cheated on me with my best friend and then both of them lied about it. then i got back together with him cause something about him was so addicting. then we finally broke up on december 15th and it has not been easy. they have been making out and lying to me about it but i have seen photographic proof. so honestly confront him and her about it. if she says one thing and he says another then tell them that. dont start drama with it but honestly if he causes you hurt and pain because of this, drop him. hes not worth it because friends dont do that to other friends and it sucks a lot and its going to be hard but you have a better best friend and thats God. he has done so much for you, more than G has ever done. and i know its going to be hard, really, really hard but you have God on your side so you can make it through anything, i promise
|January 26, 2015 at 20:08|
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