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Very Confused…

Home Forums Life, Love & Girlfriends Relationships Very Confused…

This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  marisa145 11 months, 2 weeks ago.

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Okay, get a snack y’all, you’re in for the long run. I have a few questions. Some may seem silly or irrational but oh well. So first off: how do stop thinking about what I feel like I’m missing out on in having a boyfriend? I guess I could call it being boy crazy but I always thought that was a very high school term. I’m a sophomore in college and have been a believer for about 3 years now. I’ve grown up in church so the concept that I need to wait for the one He has for me is not new. However, I just feel like I’m missing out or rather I missed the day in girl school where I know how to flirt, be able to know if a guy likes me, and when to just let it go.

I feel like that’s also one of my problems. I just kind of at the same time, think it’s near impossible for someone to ever like me this way. To want to date me with intention. Marriage and family is a huge desire but I feel silly for having that desire so heavy on my heart. I see friends in long term relationships like its no problem and I just don’t understand why I’ve had this problem of that not being me.

Praying for my future husband has always seemed incredibly selfish to me. What if God wants me to be single for my life? I’m not praying for anyone then. I’d just be yapping on about a man that for me will never exist. Everyone tells me to just work on me first and fall in love with God first and just like its the worst thing to tell me.

Because honestly then reading my bible and doing my studies becomes an “okay I’ve done my devotional and read my bible for a week straight where’s my boyfriend, God?” I’m not learning anything. It’s too goal focused and I have no idea how to shake myself of that mindset. I don’t like how crazy I get when I like a boy and even crazier when I don’t know if they remotely feel like that back. I’ve only ever had rejection when it comes to boys I like and I feel like the rest of my life will be the same.

Can anyone help with any of these concerns and questions? I just need some real life specific feedback. I’ve gotten too many generic answers that haven’t solved anything.

December 17, 2015 at 06:49


I am seriously going through the exact same thing so I’m just figuring out things too but I hope I can help.
First most of my advice that I will give is pretty much from a book called “Its Not That Complicated” by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Bokin. I HIGHLY suggest that book. The front title reads: “How to relate to guys in a healthy, biblical, and sane way.”

So basically this generation puts pressure on girls and guys saying they need a boyfriend, they need a girlfriend, you need to know how to flirt in order to get a guy, ect.
And that pressure is what leads most people into young dating, and later on possibly getting pregnant just cause they want to try it.
You see couples around but honestly, are they Really happy together? Or do they constantly have a heavy conscious and the Lord telling them they’re doing wrong.
I mean honestly that sounds no fun! If you don’t have a rooted relationship with God its so easy to fall into those snares and traps.

And I know what you mean, like you’re not boy crazy but you cant stop thinking about what if…..
Of course the obvious answer is to pray to God to help get your feelings in order but I know for me it can get annoying with everyone saying “Pray! Pray! Pray!!!!!” Of course I do indeed pray but that just doesn’t seem like enough.
What you need to do is encourage your self and tell truths to yourself, because if you don’t believe in what you’re praying for or wanting its going to be so hard to win your race.
Tell yourself that the right guy is indeed picked out for you and your needs. You may feel like no one will actually like LIKE you (and I feel that so much! I’m around boys all the time and there’s so many other amazing girls around me its hard to believe that they’ll actually fall for a girl like you) but God knows your passion for marriage, your passion for a family, and he has that right guy picked out. I just think it takes time.
Its so easy to think that God has forgotten you or left you where you are because all the other girls have dates and are getting married but chances are they’re not ready and most likely they’ll get a divorce because they didn’t wait.
As for getting guys and boyfriends out of you mind you need to focus on other things, like how loved you are by your parents or siblings or hang out with your godly single ladies and talk about things that aren’t boys.

And even though you got rejected it was for the better. Because that guy wouldn’t have made a good godly companion you deserve.
And I’m not just saying this because I’ve heard people say so, I know what it feels like to be rejected.
I once had this MASSIVE crush on this one guy, I though he was amazing and so nice to me and I could easily see myself dating him and possibly having a future with him. But God removed him out of my life and I had no idea why. Year or so later now I do, first my dad didn’t like him. And I don’t want to date a guy that my father doesn’t approve of. And second I may have just liked him because I was around him so often. He wasn’t respectful to his siblings or family and thats wrong
You may not know why those guys were weeded out but sooner or later you will know!
I’m so sorry I’m all over the place, my mind will be like “OH AND ADD THIS” So yeah sorry. I hope you’re getting my point.
Focus on the good, and just relax knowing that your White Knight will come.
A good way I keep my mind off boys is just hanging out with friends. Or even hanging out with my guy friends and getting to know them because I get to know that they’re just like us. It will help you relate to them more and build strong rooted brotherly relationships.
And also a thing, if you do find yourself liking a guy keep it to yourself. Dont go texting your friends or anything because that will make it feel official.
Keep your thoughts lined up. Why exactly do you like him?

Again sorry for being all over the place and I hope you at least under stood a little of it and that something helped.
If I wasn’t clear or didn’t help with a certain thing please let me know! I truly want to help, and in it maybe help my self a little.

December 22, 2015 at 22:21


Hey girl! Sorry I took so long to respond, holidays and everything. I also asked to be emailed when someone replies to this and yet no email, so I completely didn’t think to check this. Anyways, hi, yes thank you. Girl so much of what you said I feel so real right now! I so want to check out that book that you mentioned. And seeing what you said makes me feel a lot better and a lot less crazy! I hope some of this has helped you on your journey too!



December 26, 2015 at 08:22
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