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Girl to Girl Talk: Is Cuddling with a Boy a Sin?

Sin-Apple-Temptation

Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions.

Go to projectinspired.com/girl-talk to join the convo.

This week a PI Girl asked about cuddling. Click here for the full post.

“So is wanting to be close to my guy friend and maybe snuggling with him a bad thing? Like that’s as far as it would go and [I] wouldn’t be [trying] to make it go farther. I don’t see it as a sexual thing, more like laying my head on his shoulder, but would it be inappropriate? I guess you could say ‘love on him,’ but not in an inappropriate way. We hug and stand close to [one] another, but that’s just because we’re close. I do like him, but I want to know if it’s wrong to be close, physically, to him…”

This is an interesting question not just pertaining to a guy friend, like in this case, but also a boyfriend. Do you think it’s appropriate to snuggle?

I personally believe that when you are a married couple, there is nothing wrong with snuggling. It is not a sin, but remember that if you are single and cuddling with the opposite sex, you may be putting yourself in the way of temptation. You may end up pushing the envelope and kissing (and more), and you don’t want to set yourself up for sin.

I do think you need to use wisdom and need to guard your heart because sometimes the best of friends, even if platonic, can fall in love. Have you ever heard someone say, “I married my best friend”? I have, and it can happen, so set your boundaries up and don’t be alone with the opposite sex. Stay in groups, go to the movies, bowling, out to eat, etc.

If you think you won’t possibly be tempted to either fall into lust or sin, don’t kid yourself. Also, the Bible says to avoid all appearances of evil/sin (1 Thessalonians 5:22).

For example, don’t sleep over at a guy friend’s house, even if he is your best friend and you would never even like him or kiss him. Why? Because you don’t want to send the wrong message, not only to your friend, but also to others. This is called “stumbling someone”—when you show them something that is a sin or can be harmful to your relationship to God or that dishonors Christ, and you make like it’s not a big deal or overlook it as if it isn’t wrong.

 

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1)

 

You may be blameless, but guess what? It doesn’t help others who may be looking to you as an example. They could then think, “Well, Sally did it, so I can snuggle or hang out at Johnny’s late or overnight.” This is how Satan works: He makes it SEEM innocent, just like he tempted Eve; he had her question what God said by asking, “Did God really say…?” (Genesis 3:1) This is not a matter of rules, but what is BEST for your life. Trust me, there were times in my life when I thought it was no big deal to hang out with a guy friend and I realized that he didn’t honor me spiritually or purity-wise.

 

Abstain from all appearance of evil. (1 Thessalonians 5:22)

 

PI Girls, if a guy puts you in an uncomfortable situation, he is NOT the one for you. Even if he is your “close” friend, he can’t be that close to you if he doesn’t respect that you are a Princess, and no one is cuddling with you until they put a ring on it! Just saying, girls—put your helmet of salvation on and really think about the scenario…what seems innocent can turn into the biggest regret of your life. Don’t compromise. As much as it sounds nice, hate to break it to ya, but it sounds like a slippery slope.

Be excited for the one you DO get to marry and the one you can cuddle with and spend the rest of your life with! In the meantime, get a puppy or snuggle with your family or loved ones, not just a random guy, even if he is your “BFF.”

Love you, girls. I’m praying for you! God bless you, PI Girls!

Contact me via social media for any questions, advice, prayer or just to say hello:
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Do YOU think it’s appropriate to cuddle with a boy, even if he’s just a friend? Comment below!

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59 Comments

  1. youngsalvation0618

    Posted by youngsalvation0618 on December 21, 2015 at 16:31

    I don’t think cuddling is wrong– as long as it stays cuddling… Also, I think kissing is fine as long it’s at the right place, at the right time, with the right audience, and as long stays kissing. You and your boyfriend don’t want to be kissing in the middle of a daycare to pick up your little sister!

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by Claire4christ on August 21, 2015 at 09:15

    This is a interesting subject and an important one at that. I don’t believe cuddling with a boy is sin. Saying if you put your head on his shoulder is going to lead to… Other things, is like saying I draw on my stuff. Therefore I’m going to draw and vandalize on other people’s property like buildings. See how outta proportion it sounds? Now it is a bit of a different story if your in his bed cuddling and watching tv late at night. That just needs one little change to turn into something sinful. I think honestly that it depends on where you are at with your relationship with God and what your strengths and weeknesses are. If you don’t have a problem with lust.. Maybe your able to sit on the couch and watch tv in his apartment. But that doesn’t mean you don’t need God’s guidance for it. Maybe not for you, but your bf to stay pure. I won’t pretend I know God’s will for this, but I do know that as you keep walking in a relationship with your guy, God will show you where to turn and where to keep walking.

  3. I_

    Posted by I_ on August 14, 2015 at 11:47

    Most of my friends are guys, and I always stay at their houses overnight. Most of the ones I sleep over with are gay, so I don’t see anything wrong with it. The ones who aren’t gay are just like my brothers and they sleep on the floor. I cuddle everybody, it’s just who I am, so I don’t think it’s a sin at all.

  4. courage

    Posted by courage on August 13, 2015 at 11:42

    I never thought about this as something that could lead to sin. I think it depends on the age of the participants; 13yr olds it okay Kay, but with 17yr olds it’s a whole different ball game.

    This has given me food for thought now.I love it 😃! If the guy was your bf, you would have to show an awful lot of restraint to not go on to other things

  5. SavedbyGrace14

    Posted by SavedbyGrace14 on July 17, 2015 at 14:43

    In my personal opinion I think you should keep your relationship very simple while dating/courting. I don’t feel like you should do a lot of touching. A side hug every now and then but no cuddling or anything farther. Temptation can get the better of you, as Nicole pretty much said.

  6. ihart

    Posted by ihart on July 1, 2015 at 09:26

    I think in everything we must remain pure. Purity is not just a physical thing- it is physically, mentally, and emotionally. Our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and I believe we should be showing that with everything that we do. When temptation comes, we should be in prayer. That is the beauty of marriage- being able to share yourself with one another. But you should always be aware of temptations and what your motive for wanting to cuddle is. And ask God to help you through it!

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by allthatglitter on June 25, 2015 at 12:15

    We live in a world where Christians are less and less concerned about being as far from the world as possible. I don’t understand why we would want to put ourselves that close to temptation. We try to get as close as we can to sin without getting burned, what’s wrong with being as far away as possible? (No offense, just my take on the matter.)

  8. Freak4Jesus14

    Posted by Freak4Jesus14 on June 25, 2015 at 11:33

    I agree with this post completely, I am close with a handful of my guy friends, two of them being like my brother, and I know they’ll be there for me whenever I need it. I’ve always been very careful around them because even though they’re like brothers, the reality Is that they aren’t, and I don’t know what goes on in their mind and how the feel about me. I could just be acting like a sister and they could take It wrong fast, and so while I’ll pray for them and talk with them and joke around, I make sure to keep my friendly distance. I never go for a hug, but if he hugs me then I think it’s okay because I’m making sure I have no ulterior motives. Truth of it is, while I love my guy friends a lot, I know that since I’m so young,(15), I could easily start to Like any one of them, and I don’t want a super close relationship become something more too fast before we can really be better friends and maybe something more. I do like one of those two guy friends, but I have made my mind up to not tell him or flirt or even just be too friendly because I don’t want to ruin any future relationship. I’m sure half of that made no sense, but this article came along right when I was getting to caught up in emotion… Anyways, thanks PI ❤️

  9. Maryon

    Posted by Maryon on May 25, 2015 at 01:51

    I think it depends on the circumstances…. Sometimes I tempted by only a glance and sometimes I barely feel anything when I was once kissed on the cheek by a guy friend… I’ve set my boundaries from a long time, and noticed when my guy friend fell in love with me and we talked the matter out. Though my boundaries and the fact that we were more christian friends than best friend we’ve never went out somewhere together (he never pressured me) I started and to melt for him and feel what he felt for me and better appreciate his care and aid, his presence in my life even when I kept my distances. It was only at that time we started hugging and it was not as if we decided to it’s just that it was the moment. I believe that if we hang on to God, seek Him in all things and trust Him gives the bonus we haven’t expected.
    We are now together and I pray we grow strong in this relationship, as I traveled far…
    Prayers needed…. Love you girls and God still cares He’ll give you all that you need.

  10. Winged Eloquence

    Posted by Winged Eloquence on March 29, 2015 at 20:48

    I look at it this way: when you cuddle with a guy friend, there’s a good chance that you’re snuggling up to another girl’s future husband.

    Out of a desire to protect my Christian brothers and spur them on in purity and love for their future wives, I believe that it’s my role to maintain a respectful distance. I can still form deep and meaningful relationships with young men without getting too close to them physically. I laugh with them, cry with them, pray with them; I engage them in conversations; I ask them how they’re doing. I have a deeply rooted fondness for the young men at my church. They respect my boundaries, and I do the same for them.

    I love my Christian brothers. Because I love them, I will guard their purity by distancing myself physically from them. When they cuddle with their wives one day, I don’t want them to have a single fleeting thought of my embraces. And it’s the same for my relationship with the man who is to be my husband: I want to be able to snuggle up against him without the ghost of another young man’s encircling arms lingering in my memory.

    That may sound weird. A little bit radical. I don’t mind. I welcome any comments.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by BaileeKu on April 5, 2015 at 17:41

      I agree completely! I’ve also decided to save kissing until after I’m married for the same reason. I don’t want to have kissed someone else’s husband!

  11. Project Inspired

    Posted by JeSuisSmitty on March 22, 2015 at 21:35

    To answer the title question–absolutely not. Cuddling with, and even kissing a boy that you have no plans to marry is not a sin. It is perfectly okay to enter a relationship like this, as long as you and your partner are both comfortable in it. You want to make sure that to your personal boundaries should are pushed beyond what you have decided is right for you, but love is not a sinful thing. So don’t worry!! As long as you are happy and comfortable in a relationship, and don’t feel that you are being pressured into anything you aren’t ready to do, cuddling/kissing/hugging/whatever is perfectly fine! Just stay true to what you have decided you’re ready for, and enjoy yourself when you are with someone you like.

  12. Project Inspired

    Posted by Alyssa R. on March 16, 2015 at 10:03

    Depending what kind of cuddling, I don’t think there would typically be a problem. I mean, my Mom or my best girl friends and I exchange hugs, sit close together over a good book or movie, etc. so *obviously* cuddling can be simply a platonic thing. However, I’m not saying cuddling with a guy is always a wonderful idea, either; e.g. I wouldn’t snuggle up to a best guy friend who I already know used to have a really bad crush on me, but we decided to just stay friends. That would just be confusing and unfair. And yes, if you’re starting to feel *that* kind of chemistry and it’s getting distracting, you should definitely pull away before it gets worse, even if you don’t want to. Because temptation, to you and him. So yes, you do have to be aware of where it could lead and be careful about that. But no, if it’s nothing you wouldn’t do in a platonic relationship, there is no way to call it bad in and of itself.

  13. Project Inspired

    Posted by edenbrooke27 on March 15, 2015 at 14:59

    I think you should be able to cuddle with anyone you please. As long as it doesn’t leadto sex, what does it matter if the other person is aware of your intentions?

  14. KitkatsAndParli

    Posted by KitkatsAndParli on March 14, 2015 at 22:03

    I don’t believe in physical contact with the opposite sex. At all. Ever. Nothing.

    • martial_artist_for_Jesus

      Posted by martial_artist_for_Jesus on March 19, 2015 at 16:38

      So….. no handshakes, SIDE hugs, pats on the shoulder, high fives…… zip, zilch, nada?? Even w/ your uncles, your dad, etc.??? Seems a bit off, don’t you think? I mean, sure, it’s good to be a LITTLE cautious, but STILL….

    • AudgPaudg

      Posted by AudgPaudg on March 17, 2015 at 17:48

      DO YOU SHAKE HANDS?? :O

    • KitkatsAndParli

      Posted by KitkatsAndParli on March 14, 2015 at 22:04

      You girls would do well to follow my example.

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by hannahbananahl on June 25, 2015 at 10:16

        Haha^^this is a line from the movie “Freaky Friday.”

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by JeSuisSmitty on March 22, 2015 at 21:37

        I respect what you have decided you’re comfortable with. However, I feel a little sorry for you, as human contact can be a really wonderful thing. From where I stand, it seems like you are overly guarded about this kind of thing. I do respect your views, though.

  15. SanctitysFlame

    Posted by SanctitysFlame on March 12, 2015 at 18:26

    Intimacy of any kind has a snowball effect. It doesn’t usually go “Oh hey, we’re getting a little too close too quickly. Let’s casually, without any repercussions, pull back a little and park it.” It’s more like you just get closer and closer until either there’s commitment and it’s a beautiful, enriching, lasting relationship or there’s just growing closeness with no commitment or goal and ends in heartbreak and all the torment that comes with it. I know from experience, observation and those older than myself taking the time to share wisdom with me. Girls, our parents may have been teens in a different year but human nature/sin nature are the same now as they were then. Listen to their advice. Mistakes can be things you pay for in some way or another for the rest of your life. Learn from their mistakes. Because some mistakes you don’t have to make.

    • SanctitysFlame

      Posted by SanctitysFlame on March 12, 2015 at 18:41

      Also, remember the person you’re getting physically close to could be someone else’s spouse one day. You don’t know until you ARE married to them. Ask yourself “Do I really have a right to this person’s body?” To a “light degree” that’s what it is, no matter how you try to sugar coat and excuse it.

  16. Project Inspired

    Posted by Allison616 on March 12, 2015 at 18:21

    I think it depends on your boundries. For instance, for a guy super into the sports section of the paper, if it distracts him from God, he needs to not read the sports section of the news paper. Does that mean it’s a sin for everyone? No, it’s a personal conviction placed by God. So if you and the boy can have clean, pure thoughts, then go for it. Do be careful that you’re not sugarcoating the guy, too. I can’t tell you how awful of situations you can get into by justifying the red flags you see in a guy. So, be sure about where the line is drawn.
    Me and my best friend, who is a guy, hang out every weekend, because I live in a different town. He puts his arms around me, I lay my head on him. But we are both very cautious about where we are alone. We are never in a room alone with the door closed, we have mutually agreed that neither of us are willing to sacrifice our relationship with God for each other, PDA is a no no. However, if a guy is more “sexually inclined”, it would be best to keep a physical distance. It’s not worst the risk.

    • GrayC

      Posted by GrayC on March 24, 2015 at 21:03

      I don’t really have an agenda with him, its just a want to be near him kind of thing. I know he respects me and that wants to protect my honor. We’ve been friends for a while and we hug all the time and sit rather close to one another. He knows that i like him and he still wants to hang out with me and walk me to my car and hug me and stuff. He’s a good friend but we watch ourselves with being alone. I’ve never had a conversation about boundaries for us with him. It’s just been asking if i can have a hug or him just hugging me or sitting close when we sit by each other automatically. We do tend to scoot closer to one another when we sit by each other. Is that normal?

      • Maryon

        Posted by Maryon on May 25, 2015 at 01:25

        Sister you guys are falling in love… Or using each other to fill in some affectional need. If you like him and he knows so and is still around though you haven’t set boundaries then he wants to be your bf secretly but is scared to make the step. You got to decide what kind of relationship you want and also get him to talk clearly about it. That’s my adviced sis. Be blessed <3

  17. Project Inspired

    Posted by kitkat3000 on March 11, 2015 at 06:39

    I recently got a boyfriend and we both have our own boundaries and standards. We cuddle when we watch movies and play video games and I don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m always tempted to kiss him but being apart just makes it worse, not better. We kept our distance when we were just friends but now that we’re boyfriend/girlfriend I want to be able to treat him like my boyfriend.

    Also, I trust that he won’t pressure me into doing something I’m not ready for and he trusts me to do the same for him.

  18. USGIRL95

    Posted by USGIRL95 on March 10, 2015 at 19:36

    I ‘ve ‘h sunggles from Christian guys, I ‘ve boundires, my ASD gets me implusve, very easily,. many times I was asked this in my middle teens, re u hugging your boyfriend?., I was speechless for a few min I answered no, James is a friend that’s all,. nope he & I sat on the couch, either the floor or the grass outside, no I never h’ that issue him wanting to push it further, thank God for that, I ‘ve limits he has limits also, yes he chased other guys off,. I remember its was loud enough I could hear it, was like this leave my friend Jessica alone., I got to close to him in the room by mistake u re to close, I moved back a little, yes my hornmors, were getting me get that feeling get closer, to him, u girls gotta be careful with the limits, & boundaires, bout 15-17 years old., those years were crazy at times, yes he let me put my head on his shoulder, many times when I needed his shoulder to cry on,. my brian disorder made it difficult to talk to anyone than him., really, its still a struggle to this day., loved his hugs still do just miss them more.

  19. ktuck22

    Posted by ktuck22 on March 10, 2015 at 19:22

    I personally see nothing wrong with it.

  20. mkay77

    Posted by mkay77 on March 8, 2015 at 14:52

    I think a little bit more context is necessary, as well as a definition of “cuddling”. For my boyfriend and me, “cuddling” is no more than me resting my head on his shoulder and his head on my head and /maybe/ his arm around me. I highly doubt that’s sinful :p

  21. Project Inspired

    Posted by bebeloveyou on March 7, 2015 at 17:55

    i see no harm in cuddling its just the temptation as long as you are not tempted to do “other things”than its fine i cuddled with a guy before we were just friends and he played with my hair we dident makeout or anything…..and PLEASE never go to a guys sleepover expetionally if you know he likes you it might not end up good.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Meg78 on March 21, 2015 at 20:57

      Okay, so about the sleeping over thing…my group of friends is 5 of us (2 guys, 3 girls) and all of us slept over at Jacob’s house one night. The girls slept together in a bed upstairs and the boys slept downstairs. There were also siblings and parents in the house. We were careful about how late we stayed up and we are all just friends. Was that wrong or sinful to do?

      I’m not asking in a mean way, I really want to know. I hate trying to discern people’s emotions through text, sorry.

      • martial_artist_for_Jesus

        Posted by martial_artist_for_Jesus on March 22, 2015 at 13:14

        I think she means (but please, correct me if I’m wrong on this) a sleepover where it’s just a guy and his buddies, maybe some girls, and his parents are away or in town…. something like that. If that’s what she meant, I fully agree with the both of you 🙂

  22. martial_artist_for_Jesus

    Posted by martial_artist_for_Jesus on March 5, 2015 at 14:55

    I have mixed feelings about this….. part of me says yes, the other part, no….

  23. Project Inspired

    Posted by messy_but_here on March 4, 2015 at 17:00

    My biggest regret?

    Thinking that if I met arbitrary “purity” standards I was good enough.

    Thinking that I could do God’s job for him, that I could make myself good enough that I didn’t need grace. That if I followed a checklist, I was safe, I was approved. Letting the self righteousness numb me to life and separate me from God.

    You know what happens when you screw up big time?

    You find out just how massive God’s grace is. Just how beautiful and whole and massive and enough and healing and life-giving and joyful and awe-inspiring and amazing God’s grace is. I’m not saying go screw up big time so much as I’m saying everyone has screwed up big time. And grace is the freedom to confront the truth that you need God, and needing God is knowing him, and knowing him is the crux of being a christian, of being a lover of God.

    My biggest regret is that I was so afraid of doing things that I would regret that I didn’t learn to lean into the grace of an all-powerful and all-loving God.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Lauren_ on March 12, 2015 at 07:12

      I so agree with messy_but_here comment. When we shelter and sensor ourselves too much we miss important opportunities to discover God’s grace and presence in our lives. The people with the strongest faith and best testimonies are those who were addicted to something, had a child out of marriage, and went through the worst stuff. Loved the article.

      Lauren

  24. Trinity

    Posted by Trinity on March 4, 2015 at 10:38

    I don’t at all see the problem with cuddling, with anyone. Just know what your physical limits are personally, and if the person you’re hanging with shares those then yay. If they have different values then they should at least respect yours and if they don’t they shouldn’t be your friend or anything else.

  25. kayla.hb13

    Posted by kayla.hb13 on March 4, 2015 at 07:22

    It all depends on intentions! I was over at a guy friend’s house the other night, and he ended up kissing me (which is fine, since we mutually like each other and we knew that), and then we laid on the couch and cuddled for a while. I know not everyone here agrees with kissing before marriage, but for me, I don’t see it as a sin. My friend hinted that he may have possibly wanted to take it a little farther, but I said no, and he respected that. (Yes, he’s a Christian too, but everyone has different boundaries. Mine lies at kissing. For others, it may be somewhere else.) We are just taking this slowly and with intention to see if this is what is meant to be. My intentions are to be kind, loving, and honest if and as we head to making this a more official thing. His are the same (we had a long talk after he kissed me about what we wanted in terms of this all). If you are honest about your intentions, and you are communicating well about boundaries and desires in life, then that’s what you should do! If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. And pray about it! Ask God for discernment about this all.

    • Pinkypie2017

      Posted by Pinkypie2017 on March 8, 2015 at 20:20

      Yeah I totally agree with kissing before marriage, but nowadays it seems a lot of Christians seem to think it’s a sin. I have yet to have my first kiss but sometimes I’m scared that I’ll meet a really nice guy, and he’ll be like “sorry I can’t kiss you cause we’re not married”. Then I’ll go “aww bummer” and just be like really sad lol.

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by Allison616 on March 12, 2015 at 19:59

        Yeah, I feel like a lot of christians have started idolizing modesty. Like, girls have to wear knee length shorts now because it’s “immodest” to wear fingertip length. And no tanks, either, even if your cleavage is covered. Like, really? Why? There’s a balance between training our boys to not be so easily tempted and training our ladies to help a brotha out. That’s all there is to it. But instead, it’s fallen upon the woman to be modest and pure. Kissing should not lead to more. Kissing is the art of pressing your lips to someone else’s. It’s an issue that some guys can’t stop at that. IT’S YOUR FRIGGIN PIE HOLE.
        I don’t plan on going crazy overboard and kissing every two seconds (because really who likes those couples) but I’m not gonna be embarrassed about kissing the guy I’m in love with.

        If someone feels convicted about that, then great. But one thing that is “sensual” to one person can be completely innocent to another. Just be sure you and your man are on the same page.

  26. Pinkypie2017

    Posted by Pinkypie2017 on March 4, 2015 at 01:27

    I totally respect your opinion but I have to say why does it seem that some pi writers take things a little over the top. Hundreds of studies have shown that humans run on touch even if it’s not in a sexual way especially not sexual way it’s how we communicate. Do you know nice it is if you’ve had a bad day to just sit and be hugged by one of your guy friends or bf, so I don’t think you should be implying that cuddling is something evil it just depends on how you use it. My dad is a Christian and raised in a super Christian house and he had lots of girls that were his friends who he hung out with till late at night at their house and braided their hair and still never fell down a “slippery slope”. (If you’re wondering how I now this trust me he lived on small island if someone had sex everyone would know). So I think this is another case of depending on how fragile you are spiritually and if you’re easily tempted. But it’s going of the deep end to say that a guy doesn’t respect you, if he wants to cuddle and puppies are great but sometimes they just don’t cut it.

  27. Wishes

    Posted by Wishes on March 3, 2015 at 20:14

    As a rule, if I’m unsure about a situation, I go the safe route. That whole cliché “better safe than sorry” idea really has merit. I would advise that to anyone reading this article and this comment.
    That being said, I also don’t have a problem cuddling with some of my friends (girls and guys). Cuddling platonically is like hugging…there are some friends you can hug, some you can side-hug, and some you just don’t hug.

  28. VioletRogue

    Posted by VioletRogue on March 3, 2015 at 17:51

    How could cuddling be considered a sin?

    • Amarah

      Posted by Amarah on March 4, 2015 at 06:43

      This article isnt saying cuddling is a sin, it is warning us that cuddling can propel us into sin and we should avoid propelling ourselves into sin.

    • klim

      Posted by klim on March 3, 2015 at 22:37

      I think cuddling itself is not sin. It is an entry point to temptaion that can eventually lead to sin. Also, we are talking about cuddling outside the context of marriage here. 🙂

    • MandaPanda18

      Posted by MandaPanda18 on March 3, 2015 at 19:45

      Yeah girl, read my comment (which is pretty much a small article lol)! I feel the same way!

  29. Project Inspired

    Posted by rcontre on March 3, 2015 at 17:42

    Amen amen amen. I couldnt agree more. I’m currently in college and I was talking to a non believer. He said he respected my beliefs in God. One day he said he wanted to cuddle with me. Although it sounded innocent, I couldn’t help but feel as if I had done something wrong. I felt guilty, almost dirty, even though I didn’t cuddle with him because I felt that he just wants to cuddle to lead into something more. I love this article so much because everyone needs to see this. Don’t believe any guy who isn’t married to you trying to say its innocent to cuddle. Instead, hold on until you are married to the right man and it will all be worth it. Cuddle your mom or pets. You will never regret it. (:

  30. MandaPanda18

    Posted by MandaPanda18 on March 3, 2015 at 16:55

    I think that it’s completely fine to cuddle with a boy, even if he’s just a friend – ESPECIALLY if he’s just a friend. I worked as a lifeguard and also as recreation staff at a Christian camp this summer and the staff all lived together in the lodge (girls on one side and guys on the other, with a common room in between). We were a really close-knit group, and definitely a huggy bunch.

    We were for sure careful about outward appearances and not sending the wrong message to anyone – we had a running joke about the “no shoulders showing” dress code rule, and not causing each other to stumble. Anytime anyone did anything even remotely adorable or funny or whatever, or when we were all down at the beach in our swimsuits, we’d all immediately say jokingly, “You’re causing me to stumble!” or “So much stumble”. We knew that the executive director and full-time staff had placed rules to keep us all accountable, and we’d abide by them willingly because we were there to serve and be witnesses to the kids and the family campers. It wasn’t about us, it was about Jesus and showing His light.

    That being said, we would still all pile up together and watch movies on the weekends once the counselors had free time, or during the week when support staff was free. We’d all smush together on the couches in the common room with a laptop in front of us watching “Tangled”, or we’d go upstairs to the Fireplace Room and set up in the same way in front of the TV with a movie.

    I can’t tell you how many times we all watched “Phantom of the Opera” and “Anastasia” together like that, all in a pile singing our hearts out with the actors on screen. Guys and girls alike. Those guys were not only my fellow staffers, they were my friends. They were my family. They were my brothers. They were my brothers in Christ – and they still are. I wouldn’t trade last summer for anything – not everyone has that same opportunity for community, and I walked away from that job with several new Godly friends and brothers (and sisters) in Christ.

    To read this post about how cuddling is wrong and “no one is cuddling with you until they put a ring on it” is kind of frustrating. While I appreciate your point of view and the part about setting a good example (in the context of not spending the night at a guy’s house), I don’t fully agree with the rest of it by any means. Are you trying to scare girls into thinking that if they cuddle with guy friend, that they’re “putting (themselves) in the way of temptation”?

    Yes, I understand that in some cases that can happen. I’ve had to remove myself a time or two from situations where I’m hanging out with a guy and things start to get uncomfortable. But that’s because the guy wasn’t a good friend to begin with, or they liked me, or whatever it may have been. That’s when good judgment comes into play, and anyone with common sense can tell when they should get up and leave. They may be tempted to stay, but that’s a different conversation.

    It sounds like the girl who submitted the original question was simply asking if it was wrong to be close to her really good guy friend – her “BFF” to use your term. She said that she doesn’t “see it as a sexual thing”. I don’t mean to say this in an attacking way, but I’m not sure why that wasn’t taken for face value when you started writing your article. I feel like you didn’t really answer her question properly. This guy she’s talking about sounds like a brother figure – someone that she trusts beyond measure and feels safe around. I don’t think she should be discouraged for wanting to be close to him.

    Also, when did it become a sin or wrong to fall in love with your best friend? I’m not sure if that was intentional or not, but you really painted that in a negative light when you said, “I do think you need to use wisdom and need to guard your heart because sometimes the best of friends, even if platonic, can fall in love. Have you ever heard someone say, “I married my best friend”? I have, and it can happen, so set your boundaries up and don’t be alone with the opposite sex. Stay in groups, go to the movies, bowling, out to eat, etc.”
    I think that out of all the guys in this world, we should fall in love with the guy who is our best friend.

    I also don’t understand why you put the word “close” in quotations. Can Christian girls no longer have really close guy friends? I live in a co-ed dorm at college, and these guys in my hall are similarly my brothers and family as my fellow staffers were this past summer. The same goes for the guys in Cru (one of the Christian organizations on campus).

    Several of my close guy friends came to mind when I read your article, and each one of them is like a brother to me. They’re so deep into the friend zone – the brother zone, really – that they know they’d never get out even if they tried. In turn, I’m so far into the sister zone that it’s the same thing, and that’s how it should be with them. I hang out with these guy friends on a daily basis, and they definitely “honor me spiritually or purity-wise”. And it really is “no big deal” to hang out with them.

    This last line especially troubles me about your article:

    “In the meantime, get a puppy or snuggle with your family or loved ones, not just a random guy, even if he is your “BFF.””

    Again with the quotations. Girls have best guy friends all the time – that’s not wrong at all and definitely not unheard of. And to suggest that those best guy friends are still “just a random guy” is to negate those friendships entirely. Those close guy friends are our “BFF”s, they are our “family”, they are our “loved ones”.

    So yeah, I think cuddling with your guy friends is completely fine. Especially if they’re so deep in the brother zone that you’ll forever maintain a platonic relationship with them.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Allison616 on March 12, 2015 at 20:20

      THANK YOU. Bless you. I totally agree! I’ve known my best friend for only 7 months, nearly 8. I love him to death, he’s a sweetheart, he loves me. That takes a lot of work, FYI, haha!

      We hope that when I’m a good age, we can begin a relationship. We like each other, a lot. Now, I’m not a touchy feely person. Sitting next to boys in a car makes me uncomfortable. But my best friend has proven himself worthy. He’s never said anything inappropriate, we’re on the same page about boundaries, etc.

      And I’m not exaggerating when I say he’s my bestie. I tell him everything, whether it be about a new issue of my favorite comic book or about some of my personal issues with family. He knows it all! And he listens, and he cares, and that’s hard to come by in a dude. 😛 So, I have no regrets about being so close to him.
      He came over last week and we watched Star Wars and Agents of SHIELD (as we have many times) and he told me he loved me for the very first time. He put his arm around me, it was PERFECT. I am always very careful to listen to what the spirit has to say and I believe we weren’t crossing any line by “cuddling”. It was a huge display of trust that I allowed him to put his arm around me, because I’m not the kind to throw that around.
      Soo, as long as my heart and his heart are first focused on God and pleasing Him, and second on our spiritual authority, third on each other, we’re gonna be okay.

      Plus, I have a standard that if I were for some reason to want something that was a sin, I WILL NOT date someone whom I don’t trust to say “No”. Believe it or not, ladies, a guy can say no. A Christian man SHOULD say no. I understand there are slip-ups. But overall, they should never condone sin. Just my two cents!

    • kayla.hb13

      Posted by kayla.hb13 on March 4, 2015 at 07:25

      I agree, Amanda! The biggest thing is honesty for me. Honesty about intentions and boundaries. Share in the faith. If you start to fall for each other, take it slowly and intentionally (see my individual comment about my experience the other night). Honesty and communication are key to avoid regrets.

    • Amarah

      Posted by Amarah on March 4, 2015 at 06:54

      I agree with some of what you say but you also must keep in mind that evil exists. The reason she puts some terms in quotations is that some people are really good at pretending. I also know that we have a sinful flesh that can make it really difficult to not take it further in certain situations. Maybe its easy for some people to say no and walk away when tempted but many others can be easily tempted and cuddling the opposite gender can cause those people to sin. I guess whatever God tells us is right is the way to go. In fact, maybe it is alright for some people to cuddle etc but for many it can put us in a shaky situation. I am very happy for you that you have overcome this temptation and that you have many great christian guy friends. But also remember that not all people are in your situation! 🙂

  31. Project Inspired

    Posted by StephanyG on March 3, 2015 at 15:53

    What about cuddling with your boyfriend?

    • Amarah

      Posted by Amarah on March 4, 2015 at 06:57

      My sister cuddles her boyfriend often and though they have a strong christian relationship, it has caused them to nearly fall into temptation. Id say that you should ask the Lord if it is right and okay for you to do so. If you feel like you could be tampted to go further than is apropriate, then maybe its a good idea to say no.

  32. Project Inspired

    Posted by Chrissie on March 3, 2015 at 14:48

    Power message Christi! Thanks boo!

  33. 01banana

    Posted by 01banana on March 3, 2015 at 13:12

    I totally agree!