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Girl to Girl Talk: “My Parents Don’t Support My College of Choice…Any Advice?”

Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions. Contact me @ChristiGiven.

This week, a PI Girl asked for advice because her parents aren’t fully supporting her college of choice due to the location (it’s a far distance)—they prefer for her to go to a junior college.

To read the full post on our Girl Talk forum, click here.

Here are a couple of options that you can review before finalizing your college choice.

First, if your parents are paying for your tuition, then you should both agree on the final decision. You can voice your opinion and express to your guardians or parents how much this school really matters to you and pray that they will have a change of heart.

Next, you can find other options that are closer if the geographical location is the issue.

Finally, you can negotiate with them and see if they are willing, and if not, and they are paying, you can decide to pay your own way and go to the school you want to go to, since you are a grown adult.

You obviously want to make your decision respectfully if it’s really that vital and important to you to attend that particular school. To go to a school you want to go to that your parents don’t want you to go to is a last-resort option, as you want them to be on board. As a result of going to a school that isn’t your parents’ choice, you may risk them not wanting to pay (if they are, in fact, paying your way), but hopefully they will support your decision.

 

Seeing It From Your Parents’ Perspective

An important aspect that you want to consider in your parents not wanting you to live far away on campus is that it’s really most likely because they love and care for you and want you close to them.

It’s difficult for most parents to see their kids and young adults leave the nest, so pray for your parents’ strength and understanding, but there also may be family reasons or dynamics about why they don’t want you to go too far. Weigh all of your options, and if your school that is far has a very good opportunity and really there are no other good choices, talk to a youth leader and pray for wisdom on how to make the right choice.

 

5 Pieces of Advice if Your Folks Aren’t on Board with Your College of Choice

1. Compromise with your parents on the final choice: If they are paying, you’ll want to make sure you decide together. If they’re not and you received a scholarship, you’re a grown adult and want to make a wise choice. Sometimes leaving the nest isn’t easy, but your parents will hopefully support your college career decision.

2. Voice your honest opinion: If you really want to attend this particular school and your parents just are not on board, set up a time when you can have a conversation and a heart-to-heart with them.

3. Find another school if they won’t budge and you have no other options: You may have to go to a community college if your parents aren’t going to support you going far away to college, whether out of state or at a dorm. You are an adult and can make that choice, but again, if you have no scholarships and your parents are clearly not agreeing, you can choose a school closer to home. You don’t want to people-please, but you also don’t want to sever a relationship with them, and if they have balanced and wise advice, you may want to consider their perspective.

4. Pray for clarity and a breakthrough: If you really desire to go to a specific school and your parents are not agreeing with your college, then consider praying for a change of heart and for God to break through. Sometimes there may be alternative reasons why parents don’t want their kids to go far, but pray they have strength and that they will truly support you in whatever path you take.

5. Talk to your youth leader or mentors: The Bible says there is wisdom in the multitude of counselors (Proverbs 15:22). Outside of your parents, talk to your youth leader, grandparent, aunt or someone wise who can help you regarding dealing with this situation with your guardians or parents. Hopefully, in the end, your folks will want the best for you and your life!

 

PI Girls, we are praying for you, for your future and for your career paths! God loves you so much and has “plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you a HOPE and a future!” (Jeremiah 29:11)

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1 Comments

  1. marisa145

    Posted by marisa145 on July 19, 2016 at 12:45

    I really wish this had been around when I was choosing a college. I thought I had a free choice as long as it wasn’t too too far away (any school I looked at was no more than three hours away and all in state!) and as long as financial aid covered it there wouldn’t be an issue. I was wrong and I had no idea how to go about this dance with my family. It finally got to a point where my parents said “you’re going to (insert name of my college that’s ten minutes from my house) just accept that” it was quite damaging to me as a burgeoning young adult, I felt as though my adult decisions weren’t valid. There is an incredible grey area between wanting to honor your parents and doing what God is calling you to. Amazing opportunities have come up because I went to the college they (forced would be a hard but sort of appropriate word) forced me to go to but I wish the journey there had been easier. Really try to be adult and mature when you talk to them about your honest feelings. Your concerns for wanting to go to a certain college are just as valid as your parents’ concerns about you not wanting to go to a certain college. Listen and pray God gives them a listening heart as well in the situation that if even if they don’t change their mind on it, that they are gracious and use kind words instead of orders when delivering that decision.