“How to Dress Modestly” By Project Inspired Fan, Abbey
posted on June 2, 2011 at 4:42 pm
This is from Abbey – she’s a big fan of Project Inspired and asked if she could share these word about dressing modestly with us. Enjoy! – Nicole
“Mom, does this outfit look modest enough on me?”
This is a question that I often find myself asking my mother. This is also a question that you should learn how to ask your mother (or aunt, uncle, sister, brother, dad or a trusted friend) without feeling awkward. How can we be modest in a world filled with mostly immodest celebrities, singers, dancers, TV shows, models and everyday teenagers? What IS modesty? Well, you will soon find out!
To tell you the truth, I wasn’t always hooked onto modesty, thinking, ‘Why can’t I dress like everyone else does?’ When my mom first told me about modesty and how there were certain standards that I needed to have when it came to what I wore, I thought, “Is there something wrong with what I’m wearing now?” What I didn’t realize was how a guy’s mind works, no matter what the age of the guy. So mom sat me down and gently started telling me how the male mind was wired.
I remember her saying something like this:
“Honey, when a guy looks at a pie plate, he starts to envision a hot, juicy apple pie in the plate. And then he can smell the aroma of apples, and his taste buds start to tingle with the anticipation of biting into the pie. And then his mouth starts to water as he can almost taste the pie in his mouth. It’s the same idea when a guy looks at a young girl who is showing off a little skin. He starts to see things that aren’t there, things that he shouldn’t be envisioning. That’s why it’s so important to remain covered with clothing and not show off our bodies. There are too many guys out there searching for that ‘hot, juicy apple pie’ in a young girl.”
I was still a little upset that I had to give up some of my clothes, especially some of the ones that I really liked to wear. But once my mom said she would help me clean out my closet, and then we could go to the store on a shopping spree, I got pretty excited. While we cleaned out my closet, my mom and I made three piles: Keep, Give, and Dump.
Into the ‘Keep’ pile went all modest clothes that fit me (obviously I was keeping these clothes!). All clothes that I tried on that were modest, but that didn’t fit me well went in the Give pile (mom and I took these to the city mission on our way to the mall). When we found clothes in my closet that drew attention to certain parts of my body that were showing off my body in some way, they went into the ‘Dump’ pile — which in reality, turned out to be the garbage can!
So you may be thinking, how do you define modest or modesty?
The dictionary definition for modest is ‘moderate; decent’. Moderate means to ‘keep within reasonable limits’, or ‘one who avoids extreme actions’. A definition of decent is ‘respectable, moral, in good tastes; becoming proper; suitable, virtuous’. If we want to be respected as woman, and not be pushed around because of what we wear, we must wear respectable clothes that are kept within reasonable boundaries!
As God’s precious children, we need to be known as virtuous women who obey our Heavenly Father’s laws for how we dress and how we act towards others. Modesty is the first place to start when you want to be a virtuous woman.
Virtuous can mean ‘completely pure’, which goes right along with being modest. When you are dressing modestly, you are not bringing attention to your body’s figure. When you dress to bring attention to your body, you may not realize this, but you are actually increasing the chance that guys are thinking lustful thoughts when they look at you. If you don’t want to be thought of as a piece of pie that a guy really wants, eats, and the next day forgets all about, then dress modestly. If you want to be known as a piece of God’s own handiwork, important, amazing, beautiful and completely unpredictable, then you need to dress modestly. Get the picture?
When you think of modesty, what do you picture in your mind? This can be a hard question. There is no right or wrong answer for it. When some girls think of modesty, they think of a woman that always wears skirts, pants or capris and a loose fitting t-shirt. Some girls think modesty means never wearing makeup. Still, others think it means wearing dresses that look like they’re from the 1800s!
This is what modesty means to me:
Staying within the boundaries that you have set for yourself, never crossing the red line and always living the way that God would want you to!
Now, this does NOT mean that you can make boundaries for yourself that have immodest ways in them. This is what living as a Christian girl really means. Another thing about making boundaries for yourself is that others such as a friend, parent or an older sibling also needs to agree that what you’re wearing is modest.
Here are a few tips to help you get started on your modest wardrobe:
- Find some ‘A’ tanks or ‘boyfriend’ tanks, the long ribbed tank tops that guys wear, and layer with them. They are great to tuck into low-rising pants and for layering under low shirts — and they come in just about every color!
- Always go clothes shopping with your mother or with a friend of yours that has the same mindset on modesty as you do. When you find something that you would like to buy, you can check with that person to see if it passes her modesty guidelines.
- Steer away from name brands when possible and shop at more conveniently-priced locations. Many brand name clothing companies actually have items of lesser quality than off-brand names!
- You can also wear pretty dresses and skirts but just make sure they hit the knees- or just at little above. But no shorter!
Remember that the purpose of modesty is not to suck all the joy out of life but to help you remain pure for your King and for your future spouse! And it can be a lot more fun than you might think. Give it a try!
Here are a few sites that have rather modest clothing options that I like to shop at!
http://www.downeastbasics.com/ (everyday clothing/ swimsuits)
http://www.beautifullymodest.com/ (dresses/formal wear)
http://www.sakurarose.com/ (everyday clothing)
From Nicole: If you have any articles or things you want me to publish, send them to me here and I just might post it! God Bless.
ALL COMMENTS 77
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.

















http://www.purefashion.com is a great website too. Thanks!!
I’ll check it out right now, thanks Helena! have a great night
wow!! this example of the pie is a perfect example to give so girls outhere that think is ok to show off their bodies will understand that is not ok… keep it up God bless you Nicole.. you’ve bless my life with your testimony and how God is using you after being a Model
Berlin- this article was written by a reader named Abbey, but thanks girl! I’m happy it will help you!
I’m checking out all of these sites right now! Awesome article Abbey!!
this is soo great! I think i will try this now..
this is an awesome article!! so would u consider bikinis being not modest?
Well, a girl needs to be able to swim in the summer- so as long as it’s fully covering your chest and bottom, I don’t think it’s bad. Just no skimpy ones!
Flatter you figure…and I highly reccomend tankinnis!! They’re very cute and they cover up a lot.
I got a great modest swimsuit from http://www.wholesomewear.com/
i have another website, it doesn’t actually sell clothes, but it is devoted to modest and fashionable clothing! Another great thing about the website is you are rewarded for going on and being a part of it- you earn points, which you can use towards buying gift cards to some really cool stores! http://www.suddenlydarling.com/create-an-account.html?referrer=AUPRS-ELA123
wow that is so awesome!! going to check it out now. Thanks girl!
Don’t advertise it, if it’s not for sale.
thank you so much for posting this!!
totally awesome! I seriously needed the encouragement.
Jenna
I have a magazine article I actually wrote a year ago about modest colthing. Haha(: This is really good and should tech people a lot.(:
There is a lady named Dana Gresh and she goes around the country promoting modesty. She has written books about it and has even done petitions about having companies make more modest clothing. Her website is http://www.purefreedom.org/ Her website is one kind of like this it was made to help teen girls like us but I personally like this one better!
Oops sorry the one about Dana Gresh is the one I posted earlier the one for teen girls is http://www.secretkeepergirl.com/! Sorry!
http://www.c28.com is a GREAT website. They sell modest clothes, AND have graphic tee’s with bible verses and such!
going to check it out now, thanks Kelly!
My mom’s rule is “no bikinis.” But I would rather wear a modest 2-piece than the 1-piece I have. Time to star saving! $$$
great article! i always make sure my clothes hit below the knee, and always have sleeves. i always go to the store with my mom to begin with, so she approves what i get. its so hard to find anything modest nowadays, and that is really annoying. i have cardigans and undershirts in so many colors so i can buy clothes and still make them modest. i hate having to wear tank tops to cover my chest, especially when the shirt is def. made not to have one, because i think it looks tacky, but what else is a girl to do? my friends just think im just way too picky with my clothes, but maybe thats a good thing
yes it is Raych! Sounds like you’re dressing how you should be.
Well, I think it all depends on the mindset you have when you are getting dressed. Are you dressing to try and objectify yourself or do you just happen to like wearing short shorts? I’m some places after all it can be nearly impossible to wear jeans, even in December!
I have a really great strong Christian boyfriend and he’s the one who got me hooked on modesty! He asked me that I dress more modest because him and other guys didn’t need to be seeing things. We got a checklist at a conference we went to so now I always check my wardrobe before leaving the house.
That’s such a great thing Jaimie! Could you email me the checklist if you still have it? If I publish it, I’ll give you a 50$ Sephora gift card!
Hehe….As my grandpa often reminds me: “If it’s not for sale, then keep it covered.” My mother is the queen of modesty. She freaks if my skinny jeans are too tight.
I’ll appreciate it eventually. XD
I really want to try this but i don’t know if my mom would so into it. Money’s tight and I don’t think we would be able to get a new wardrobe for myself. Any suggestions?
I may be a little late, but if I think a pair of shorts or a skirt is too short to be considered modest, I’ll just throw on a pair of leggings with it.
Granted, that may not always work if you live in Texas like me, or another hot region, but it’s definitely saved me a lot of money.
Yes! That example was just right!!! I had never heard it put that way before, but that is really right on!!! Thanks Nicole!
you’re welcome!
This is what I think of it: Would I feel comfortable if my brother or my dad or my guy cousins saw me in this? That’s a good way for me to dress modestly. I always make sure there’s NO cleavage showing and that my shorts are at least mid-thigh length. And for swimsuits I like long two-pieces. I definitely don’t feel comfortable wearing bikinis because most of them cover just what underwear covers and I don’t think it makes sense that bikinis are fine but nobody would ever go around in underwear…
Hey, Hannah! Maybe you could have a yard sale to clean out some of your old clothes that might fit someone else and that are both cute and modest. You could sell some other things, too, that you don’t have a need for anymore but that others might like to have! Another idea is to get together with some of your friends that are about the same size as you and all of you can bring a few pieces of clothing and accesories that you would like to exchange/trade with each other for something new, such as clothes, jewelry, and shoes
This is such a great idea Abbey! Thanks for sharing!
There is a book that I read that totally blew my mind about modesty, its called “Sexy Girls” by Hailey Dimarco. She talks about 2 major things in modesty, the 1st, and most important is because you are supposed to be an example of Jesus Christ, he lives in you and the most purest being would not want to be known as sexy! The second which you have alredy mentioned is about how guys see you, and she REALLY goes into detail and puts a strong emphesis on the topic, you HAVE to read it to really get the entire concept, its probobly only $12, I’d say thats worth investing into your life!
I’m going to buy it today at Barnes and Noble! Thanks so much for the book recommendation!
Sure Nicole! I’d love to help out
Also, if you DON’T dress modestly you will attract guys who only like you because of how you look. Is that what you want? Not me. I want a guy who would love me because of me, not because I’m wearing super short shorts.
The pie analogy is really scary. I’m going to try and be way more careful!!!
i love these websites, but what are some good stores that still have modest clothes?
There’s a post above by one of the girls with a couple links to some online stores where you can buy inexpensive but modest clothing. They’re cute too!
This is so true!! And is becoming such a problem with girls today. I recently saw a video of a pastor preaching a sermon about modesty… He was a little extreme but I got the point and have had to reevaluate most of the things I wear. Of course, most christian women don’t dress to attract unwanted attention, which is the main reason for me to get the word out that you don’t have to dress like an old lady to be modest. Wearing something because everyone else does is not an excuse. And dressing modestly, but cute at the same time can also set a really good example in an immodest world:) Here’s the link to the pastor’s sermon. He’s extreme, but honest.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W1s7u0YiAU&feature=related
Thank you for sharing that Katie!!
modesty to me means no makeup, jewelry, and pants. To wear skirts and dresses at the knee or below the knee. To wear those things with a happy heart and not be upset and think of it as a bunch of things I can’t wear, but a privilege. It makes me stand out, helps me spread the message about how amazing Jesus is by wearing clothing that some people might not want to wear. It shows people how much he changed me and changed my life. modesty is just not clothing but personality and actions as well. If your faced with a situation and you don’t know what to do, ask yourself “what would Jesus do? would Jesus want me to do that, to act like that, or wear that?” we represent him by our actions, personality, and clothing. That is my definition of modesty. =]
those are great tips Sarah! thank you
i only wear mascara is that ok?
of course it is!
Please help!
I’m 19 years old and very independant… however, my mother will NOT let me dress my own way. I wear modest clothing, imho, but to her they are horrible. I only wear skirts, and she will not let me wear a skirt that is just below the knee- it HAS to be ankle-lenght or mid-calf. The problem is, I like style and most of my skirts like that I hate with a passion and know they look gross.
I have other friends of the same faith as me who wear skirts knee-lenght, and above, and they’re parents are fine with it and they all look decent. I feel really insecure wearing ugly skirts. Is there any way I can get her to change her opinion?
Thanks so much in advance.
I don’t understand why she won’t let you wear skirts to the knee. That isn’t bad at all! it would be another thing if they were really short skirts. Doesn’t she know that if she pressures you so much right now about what you wear, you’ll most likely rebel and wear lots of clothing she doesn’t like when you move out? In my honest opinion, it sounds like she’s being way too strict. I would have a heart to heart conversation with her and tell her calmly and gently that wearing skirts to your knees makes you feel like an old lady, and that it’s hard to find many styles like this! Tell her also it makes you uncomfortable because you don’t want to stand out among your friends, and that you care about being modest, you just want to be able to wear jean skirts to the knee. Tell her if it covers your butt fully, what’s the difference from the knees to the ankles? Displaying your calves and knees to boys will NOT be a stumbling block! Let me know how this goes. And by the way, I am so so sorry I’m just now getting back to you on this!
Nicole- sometimes displaying calves and knees to boys is a stumbling block, I am sorry to say. You cannot simply state that it is not a stumbling block. According to “therebelution” modesty survey where guys were interviewed, (http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/browse) to the statement “Is it immodest to display the calves?” 35.9% of guys doing the survey agreed, with 28.6% “strongly agreeing”.
This is a really great article. However, I feel there are some instances where I can’t always wear sleeves and bottoms no higher than the knee-I’m a ballet dancer. It really is my passion, but of course if it is not acceptable in the eyes of God I won’t dance. Does anyone know of any solutions?
If you’re a ballerina, that’s part of your profession to wear that beautiful outfit! Don’t be too worried about it
I personally think modesty is making sure ur chest is covered and your butt isn’t visible. I think it is okAy to wear short shorts, as long as your butt isn’t poPing out or anything. I don’t have a problem with girls showing their shoulders as long as your bra isn’t poking out. That’s reAlly cheesy. The whole point is to dress nice and not look skanky.
I feel the same way… dressing inappropriately is like giving away your product for a ridiculously low price.. You don’t get any profit from it, and it’s available to anyone who wants it. Dressing modestly is like putting a high price on the product… A price so high, only one person can pay that price. And then you get all that money, and you get a WAY better customer.
BEAUTIFUL..I NEEDED THIS !!!!!
its really hard to find modest swimsuits these days. this lady custom makes modest swimsuits! they are…different than a normal swimsuit, but its worth it to check it out! http://www.meanttobemodest.com/
no offense, but that’s TOO modest for me!!
I think i’m going to ask my mom to help me make those three piles.
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/browse
this is a website i found, that helps define the lines of what is “modest” and not
thanks Rachel!
i just was scrolling throught this and i cliked on the website. i aboslutly love it. all girls should read this
Soo cool! I kinda wish there were more modest stuff on this website. I just saw a skany picture of a cosmo cover, and yuck! But I love your article! I’ll share it on my blog!
http://glowforchrist.tumblr.com/
thanks so much Lex!! you rock
If you think a skirt or a dress is on borderline short, it’s always a good idea to just go with wearing leggings.
i know its kinda late, but Night Moves Prom has a modest line as well, and they’re so cute!
http://www.nightmovesprom.com/Store_CategoryProducts.aspx?cid=3461h19452G446299
I LOVE this article!!! My mom gave me a very similar metaphor, and whenever I try to share it with my friends they say, “Come on Katie, give guys more credit! Not all guys are like that! And it’s not our fault if they think that way!” What they don’t realize is that it IS partly their fault for tempting the guys. It’s so nice to be on this website and see that I’m not the only one who thinks about these things!
Hello! I’m an older lady, wife, mother of 5 young men. I am glade to find your article and the links for clothing! It’s so hard to find modest clothing that is “pretty”!
Any way , I have a full figure and my husband helps me dress, so that I won’t show off my figure to other womens husbands at church! I’m so blessed that he does this, but very sad to see that my son’s have to see very “poorly”, “night on the town looking” girls at church! I am bothered so much so, that I would like to start a ministry to help young and old ladies (like myself) dress! I don’t think they realize what guys are thinking and that they are causing them to sin with lust! Can you give me some good ideas about how I should go about this? I am all ears!!! Thanks! Doreen from Texas
try to start a ministry at your church, and give a speech about modest clothing- start a prayer group, start small- I’m sorry I don’t have too many ideas.
But start small, and it will grow bigger!
I’ve always shopped at JC Penny’s ever since I was a little girl. I also love Forever 21 (check out the verse at the bottom of their bags and the shirt that Nicole found for under $20!) because its really cute of-the-moment clothes at very affordable prices. You can find them in basically every teen magazine–even People Style Watch! Although, do keep in mind that they can be hard to find. I also suggest clearence rack shopping. My mom and I have both found a $6.00 scarf (which was originally outrageously priced at over $20.00!), a very cute slouchy black and white striped shirt (for $3.74!) in the clearence racks. I love the rack at Macy’s, where I also got a couple boyfriend tanks in black and red. And don’t be mean to hand-me-downs! I’ve gotten some very nice clothes from my aunt, and a couple of them are INC (International Concepts, a very expensive brand from Macy’s.) OH…and my gives-me-awesome-clothes-aunt? She shops at Goodwill a LOT. And her clothes are very cute. And layer! I always am wearing tank tops under clothes to keep things modest. Believe me, moddest is the best style I’ve ever been apart of.
I have found this website to be helpfull for finding out what is modest!
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/
LOVE THIS ARTICLE!!! Definitely something that’s always on my mind. This is a great website on more about how guys think and what they think about specific clothing choices: http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/browse
Do you agree that wearing things too tight is not modest? I think definitely yes, but my friend doesn’t agree with me, and when I try to explain to her my reasoning, she keeps going back to the argument that ‘it’s covering me from my collarbone down…’ but it’s practically skintight.
I wore a top that was WAY to tight a couple weeks ago, I felt bad the moment I took my jacket off, I just wanted to crawl under a table. I was worried what all my “friend boys” would think of me after this. They are all christians and I do not want to be a stumbling block for any of them. I have not worn it since.
i once got a super cute top from walmart and i was zo excited. i didnt even try it on and i was spending the night at my friends house so i just stuffed it in my bag. the next day at church when i went to try it on i realized it was super low on me and when i would try to pull it up since it had a builty in bra it just would make it looks like i was wearing a major push up bra. luckliy i had brought a small shrug but that barely helped. i felt all the guys at my church were trying there hardest not to look at me.
What’s also fun is trying to upcycle clothes (that can make for some awesome funky skirts) or even sewing your own clothing. You can get some great coupons on groupon for free-cheap sewing classes!!! …
Another thought to glorify God I keep thinking would be to try buying clothes with organic fabric, like hemp and cotton. Or, to try to buy clothes from non-franchises. Better for the economy and anti-sweatshop!
I enjoyed this!
But one thing that helps is when I ask my brother, he will always be honest and tell me his honest opinion
I find it difficult sometimes to figure out what is modest and what is not (especially on an everyday level), but I found a modesty survey at http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/browse. Christian guys commented on how various clothing styles affect them personally. It provides great insight as to how they think, and it is also encouraging to see that there are still guys who care about modesty!