How Old, How High? My Guide to Heels
posted on January 18, 2012 at 3:37 pm
After mentioning that I didn’t think stilettos were appropriate for teens in my recent post “Ring in the New Year in PI Style,” I received a lot of feedback from girls who commented that they wore them all the time and thought there was nothing wrong with that.
I wanted to offer this post to clarify my point, and offer a guide to heel heights.
The physical consequences of wearing heels at a young age are a big concern. A child’s bones are still forming until her early teens, so wearing heels can cause bone deformities. Heels are also bad for the feet, ankles, knees, and back, and issues in these areas of the body can begin earlier for those who start wearing heels at too young of an age.
The primary motivation behind my guide, however, is based on the reasons girls like to wear heels.
- Some girls opt for heels if they are uncomfortable with being short. They feel inferior and the extra height can instill a sense of confidence.
- Young girls often choose to wear heels to look older or more grown up.
- Heels also make ladies look more attractive or sexier. They give the illusion of lengthier and slimmer legs.
The above reasons are not appropriate for young girls, in my opinion. More importantly, I feel that certain heel heights should be worn at stages.
My guide may seem too conservative to some, but I feel very strongly about this subject because I believe that children are growing up way too fast. My post “Too Young, Too Sexy, Too Fast” is an example of how kids are wearing makeup and heels too early. Take a look at 5-year-old Suri Cruise below in her heels.
Image: Jezebel.com
Girls 10 years old and under should not wear heels
Image: Amazon.com-Kenneth Cole Ballet Flat
11- to 12-year-old girls: a little heel of no more than 1/2 inch
Image: Amazon.com-Kenneth Cole Reaction
13- to 15-year-old girls: a higher heel of no more than 1.5 inches
Image: Amazon.com-Nine West
16- to 17-year-old girls: high heels no more than 3 inches, but not stilettos
Image: zappos.com-Capezio Manhattan
Girls who are over 18 are considered adults. They can get married and fight for this country, so they can wear what they want, although I would hope that their choice would still be modest. Just remember that heels higher than 4.5 inches are very bad for the back and posture, and they put pressure on the balls of the feet and the toes.
Ladies, remember that you are only a child for a short time. You have so many years ahead of you to wear high heels and stilettos. I urge you to enjoy being a kid.
What do you think about my heel guide? Do you wear high heels and why?
Image: Getty Images
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I personally love wearing heels. They actually do help with self-esteem, because they make you look taller and more elegant. I’m 14, and I have several pairs of 4-5 inch heels and wedges. I don’t wear them with short skirts, and I don’t wear them enough to cause damage. I’m not short, but heels really give you a boost, and they take confidence to wear.
Exactly!!
Yes! That is exactly why I wear them. I’m 5’4, but sometimes I like to be 5’6 or 5’7. I feel more confident!
I personally love wearing heels. They actually do help with self-esteem, because they make you look taller and more elegant. I’m 14, and I have several pairs of 4-5 inch heels and wedges. I don’t wear them with short skirts, and I don’t wear them enough to cause damage. I’m not short, but heels really give you a boost, and they take confidence to wear.
I’m sorry, but this heel “discussion” is ridiculous! Young girls should not be wearing heels, I agree, but the criticism on high school girls wearing heels is silly and personally offending to many of us that do wear them!!!!!
I agree!
i wear heels almost every day because I have really short legs and they make my legs look longer (i’m 17). I wear them with normal shirts and pencil skirts (knee length) or jeans. they look good! but i do believe that little kids are growing up way too fast. I used to buy those cheap little heels for fun when i was little because i liked dress-up, though
Ok, this is going to be long, but I want you all to understand where I’m coming from first: I’m 16, short, and I don’t wear heels. Why? Because they hurt my feet. That’s why. Otherwise, I think they’re great. All right, enough introduction of my background, let’s begin.
I understand where you’re coming from, especially with younger girls wearing high heels. However, I don’t completely agree with you that girls younger than 18 should only wear a maximum of three inch heels. Here’s why:
The main reason I think young girls wear stilettos is because they are insecure and want to feel older and sexier. Or maybe they’ve grown up thinking that that’s normal. Most Christian parents (I would hope!!) train their daughters at a young age to be modest, young women. Now we have to ask, what’s the definition of modesty? I’m on my laptop so I was able to quickly look up the definition.
One definition said that modesty is behavior, manner, or appearance that’s intended to avoid impropriety or indecency. I think that’s a great definition. Attitude is definitely a factoid of how modest a person is. So, are heels inappropriate when a Christian girl is at party, school, or even church? It depends on the structure of the community and the way she was raised. In the Middle East, it’s inappropriate for a woman to show her heel. (And I can’t think of anything to say to transition to the next point so here we go…)
Like I said, earlier, it’s really the attitude of the person wearing the shoes. You have to look at it this way too: some people think all heels, from 3 inches to stilettos, are “bad.” They may think a 3-inch heel is inappropriate. If super-duper conservative people’s daughters wear them out of a rebellious attitude, then they’re automatically disregarding their parents’ rules, which is more of a problem than a girl wearing high heels because she was raised that it’s appropriate.
Does this make sense to any of you? All these thoughts came racing to my head and I’m having a hard time organizing them. I hope I got my point across. Also, if I offended anyone, I’m sorry. It was done unintentionally!!!!!
OH!!!!! This is also really funny: as I was writing this out, an ad for stilettos popped up.
Haha
Has anyone ever heard of or read about the “Scary Beautiful” shoes? The designer created them as a piece of sociopolitical art . The message is that people because of vanity and materialism, humans go to extremes just to achieve the ever-changing standards of ‘beauty’. It makes me think about some of the things we already do, and still do to fit in or ‘stand out’. I like high-heel shoes and wedges, but they’re not for everyone, and they can cause harm depending on the person, shoe, or situation. Just remember that we should not get so caught up in what the world wants from us, we should remember what God wants from us.
*is that because of…people go to extremes…
I wanted to correct a typo.
I’m not trying to be offensive, but don’t people have their own rules about heels? You don’t need to jump all over Suri Cruise’s mother for letting her wear heels. I understand your concern, but I highly doubt that she wears those on a daily basis. Honestly, Suri was probably wearing them to dress up for fun. I don’t wear heels very often, but when I do, I wear ones more than 1. 5 inches. I don’t see how stilletos are deemed inappropriate, though. They’re just shoes, not exactly weapons in my opinion.
yes, they are just shoes…but just remember…heels get the attention of guys…and as Christian girls, we aren’t supposed to lead them astray by wearing clothing (or shoes) that might make them stumble. It’s ok to wear heels, just make sure that your heart is right with God and that you have the right intentions.
Wow this really helps me
This is fantastic! I agree wholeheartedly with this post. Thanks!
I usually don’t wear heels. Sometimes I will just to see what people say or if I’m forced to by parents/grandparents. I have bad ankles and I like being in th woods too much for them. People tell me “You’re so short!” and “You look so pretty in heels!”, but I pay no mind because it isn’t what I want.
I do agree that young girls shouldn’t be wearing high heels, but by the time you are 15 I believe you can wear any heal you feel comfortable in as long as it’s appropriate with the outfit. Personally i don’t need heels for height, I am 5’6″ so not short but sometimes heels just really complete an outfit.
T.M. I appreciate your concern for young woman prompting them to question their heart motives with the cloths they choose to wear, and it’s good to be reminded to honor our bodies with healthy choices such as good eating habits and in this case footwear.
I am 31 and somewhat beyond the age to have to question how high the heels should go, however you’ve formulated opinions on what is right and wrong creating judgement criteria. If you want to tell yourself or your daughters not to wear say stilletos ever or until 18 I respect that, however I believe there’s a very good reason why God never set up a detailed list of what he meant when he asked us all (male and female) to be modest in the bible. I believe modesty has been subject throughout time to the culture and the human heart. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and what we should encourage young girls to do is to go into their inner Holy of Holy and commune with the Almighty and ask his opinion on what they like to wear and also to do some soul searching. If a girl is short and wants to elongate her legs not because she’s ashamed but because she thinks it looks more proportionate or a woman wants to look sexy on a date with her fiance because she believes God created her to be womanly and is in her heart dressed modestly enough to not provoke the man to lust. Some might not agree with these woman but they have to stand before their maker for it. All in all, grace is what is there to guide us, accept us, and sometimes cover our unrealized sin.
Lastly, as a married woman and follower of Christ for almost 20 years. I don’t believe being sexy is sinful; Satan distorts healthy sexuality and makes it perversion; distortion is all he can do, but for example let’s say a godly, unmarried WOMAN wears a dress that modestly covers her but hugs her curves, while to some might be inappropriate, might to her remind her that she is the beautiful, desirable creation God made her to be; one who could captivate the bridegroom’s heart and will remind her that someday she can in the covanent of marriage revel in discovering truly, her sexuality with her husband! I think it is at that point up to the woman to know her heart. Obviously, some situations would be discouraged by the Holy Spirit or be inadvisable and that’s fine. But —in my opinion— to act like we aren’t allowed to feel like sexual beings until we land on our wedding night in bed with our husband is to encourage repression, if you will, and create another version of the distortion which we should want to prevent. I am obviously a believer and believe that much of what you’re saying is to encourage young woman to live for “what’s in the heart” not “the outward appearance” and I agree and I believe that Virginity is God’s heart for the unmarried to protect the vulnerable human spirit. I just believe especially in the US we are surrounded by such a carnal and or sexual culture we should figure out who we are as sexual being with the Spirit’s help and in a godly way so we don’t put ourselves or discourage other young people to be at risk to discover themselves the wrong way.
Also, I completely agree with you that we’re encouraging children to grow up to soon.
HollyD, I’m a 19 year old girl, and I agree with everything you’ve written here.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE heels! My “collection” of them are growing. Im planning to get wedges,almost evey wedge for each season and some pumps! I usually wear 4 inches since that’s the height im comfortable in. My parents will NOT let me wear anything over 4 inches,my dad for sure. I know,it’s tall for a 13 year old BUT im 5’10 and wear a size 10 1/2 in womens shoes.Finding a 1.5 heel in that size is HARD.I dont wear heels to attract boys. Me personallly I do not care to attract a guy’s attention.No just,no. My heels are casual! I can wear them with EVERYTHING in my closet and its appropriate for church! YES people look at me,everone looks at me. Im almost 6’3 when im wearing them!
“Take a look at 5 year old Suri Cruise below in her heels “.
i’m sorry, you went a little to far on that one! that to me a description like that plus a picture like it’s the worst thing in the world is GOSSIP!!!!! the gold heels did not look too bad!
As a 14 year old, I wear 3-4 inch wedges and heels occasionally, especially when going to something formal, like a wedding or dance. I like heels, especially in bright colors. I don’t wear them all the time, but they are cute and if people want to make them their main shoes then they should be able to. Also, when I was a little girl, maybe 4 or 5, my mother would allow me to wear Disney Princess heels (the heel was less than an inch) because I loved to play dress-up. There is nothing wrong with little girls wearing tiny heels during dress up games.
i’m thirteen, and the heeliest heels i have are 1.5 inches, and i don’t like heels. i am a tomboy, and they’re not very convenient for moving around.
I think that its the attitude of the person wearing the heels, not the heels themselves. At 11 years old I wore a pair of 4-inch heels, because they were the only ones my mom and I could agree on that went with the dress I had gotten for the occasion. I do think that anyone 10 and under shouldn’t wear heels higher than 1-inch.
Here is my guide:
10 and under:
Heels no more than once a week, no higher than 1 inch.
Girls 11 – 13:
Heels no more than 2 – 3 times a week, no higher then 3 1/2 inches.
Girls 14 – 17:
Heels no more than 4 times a week, no higher than 5 inches.
Girls 18 and up: Well, now your an adult and you can choose, but make sure your decisions are wise.
when i was 4 i wore one inch heels!!! I’m 13 now and I’m wearing 3 inch heels… i honestly think the “heel Guide ” is ridiculous
Hi! Honestly I think that the 13-15 shoe is a little kidish. My friends wear higher heals and wegdes.When your 13 you might want to get a little higher. When i look at thoses shoes ot seems something a 8 or 9 year old would wear. I looked at other shoe 1.5 inches and didnt find that much cute. And for 16-17 still i would go higher. But thats my opinion
Really @ the 16-17?? You’re heel example is a character heel?? I had to get taps attached to a pair of those and TAP in them for my school’s production of Anything Goes this past spring. I’m a week short of 16 and I have about 2 pairs of heels that are lower than 3 inches, the rest are 3-5!
Agreed. Character heels aren’t exactly cute!
I’m 16 and I don’t wear heels except for special events. last time I wore them was at a graduation that I worked at and i wore simple 1 1/2 inch heals. the time before that I wore 4inch wedges to a high school banquet. I really think people should check there motives in heels. also what are you wearing with the heels? are you trying to look sexy or are you trying to look put together, there is a difference. Great post
@annalovesjesus:
I personally think 13 is old enough to wear 3 inch heels.
I personally think that this is wrong. An 11 year old girl is old enough to wear 2 inch heels. Not 1/2. I was always taught that if your thumb is two inches, the highest heels you can wear is 2 inches.
This whole thing is ridiculous, seriously? I really hate fat heels, not that I wear stilettos, and yes you can wear them for good reasons. One of the reason I wear heels is to make my outfit more professional for debate because flats don’t cut it. This post is not okay with me because my opinion is that you or your parents should be able to make decisions for yourself.
Interesting. I do think that the parents should be the judge of heel height. I love my heels, and think they complete so many outfits! I think once you’re 16, you should be able to wear what you’d like to wear. Just a personal opinion!
I loveeee Heels! Maybe it’s cause im 5 feet tall! Im 14 and i wear 3 to 4 inch heels. In my opinion any girls in they’re teens should be able to wear whatever height heels. no harm done!
I find this to be rather silly. I love reading many of your articles, but I personally don’t agree. I’m in high school and am 17yrs old. 9 times out of 10 you’ll probably see me in my 5 inch wedges. It’s all a matter of how you portray yourself and how you wear them. If you’re wearing heels with short shorts and short skirts…yeah not so smart, but all in all throw them with a pair of jeans or a flowy skirt and who cares. You get confidence from it (I’m only 5′ 1″) and it makes those off days just a little bit better. Sure, its not something you rely on, but really…heels? O.o
I think you’re wearing heels in a fine way. Keep in mind though that Nicole is trying to set a good example, and after all, people will always push the limits. If someone says to stay 10ft away from something, someone will do their best to get 9ft away from it. If the person setting the standard compromises it ends up with more compromises and may defeat the purpose :/ (That was kinda long huh? Pardon me for that.)
I like this. I do wear heels, but not because I want to be seen so much as I want to feel more feminine (like when I decide to dress up for church or am performing).
I rather disagree with the suggested heel height over 13 years old. I’m not saying we (myself being 15) should wear 5 inch stilettos, but I do not think one and a half inch heels are available in any semblance of attractive shoe to our age group. They generally appear to be made for 9 year olds, and I don’t believe they come in large enough shoe sizes.
Not only that, but it’s a rather unreasonable size gradient. 13-15 year olds wearing 1 1/2 inch shoes? That’s an extremely short heel.
So… that’s my spiel.
I totally agree with you!
Heels aren’t comfortable and I love flats even more.
I think the guide is interesting, but I can’t say I agree. I’m 16, and I have plantar fasciitis, which means the arch of my foot is too high and that wearing flats or going barefoot causes me a lot of pain. I’ve ordered orthotics, but they haven’t come yet, and for the past few months as its gotten worse one of the two only pairs of shoes I can wear is a pair of 4 inch heels. I’d just like to point out that sometimes heels are the solution and not the cause of a foot problem.
I agree… girls 13 and under look absolutely silly with heels. They need to let themselves grow up instead of trying to look older than they are. I’m 16 and i have 2 pairs of heels… one is needed for dance, and it’s about 1.5 inches. The other is 3, and I don’t think I’d need anything higher than that.
I’m 14 and I only wear heels for special occasions. I have 1 pair that is 3 inches but they were for a very formal event and they gave me the height I needed to wear the dress without hemming it.
I full-heartedly agree with you about teens not wearing stilletos, but I do think this post is way too conservative. I wore 2 inch tall, 1-inch-wide heels when I was 12 (My mom is VERY conservative about heels) and now that I’m 14 my tallest pair is around 2 1/2 inches and maybe a 1/2 inch wide. Neither of them could ever be considered sexy! I think it’s fine for a 17 year old to wear a 4 inch heel, as long as she’s wearing a modest outfit and the shoes don’t make it look trashy. It also really depends on the width of the heel, wedges are typically more modest as really skinny heels tend to look look sleazy. It depends on the look of the shoe, and what you wear with it. I would say no one should go above 3 inches until 16
I’m 15, and I don’t wear heels. I don’t own heels. I think the highest I’ve ever worn is 1 1/2, but I’m not sure. I enjoy trying them on at the store, but I don’t buy them. I own sparkly Toms that I wear for fancy occasions, because they are so much more comfortable. It’s what you are comfortable in. The wife of my junior high pastor said once that if you can’t run in heels, don’t wear them. It’s true!! It’s not the age and height you wear the heels, but how comfortable you are in them and if you can confidentially walk and run in them.
Heels aren’t always just to be “sexy” ya know?? The heels you said should be worn by 13-15 year olds look like what I used for dress up when I was little. (But only for dress up of course, not outside the home) Personally, when I was 8-9 I had shoes with a half inch heal on them. The thing that made it ok was that the heel was as wide as it was tall. I think that’s the real issue with heels. Until you’re say…14 (?)heel’s should be reasonably thick. Not pencil thin like stilettos. But seriously, these rules are ridiculous. I have a friend who is 16 and is 5.1 and she has been wearing up to 4 inch heels since she was 13-14ish. But the tallest ones are all wedges. She is completely comfortable in them and always wears modest clothing. We have many guy friends and none of them act differently or look at her differently while she wears heels.
I understand that you are worried about girls growing up to fast, (I’ve read almost all of your modesty articles)but you also have to let us grow up a little. All people mature differently. The clothes you wear, the amount of makeup you have on, and even the height of you heel can be modest on one person and immodest on another. There are so many factors that go into modesty, rules as strict as these are unreasonable. You’d probably not approve of some of the things I wear, but my dad (who doesn’t like any guy looking at his girls) completely approves. To sum it all up, I think that as long as the clothing you are wearing is modest and the heel isn’t pencil thin, heels are fine on girls who are mature enough to wear them.
I think this is kind of ridiculous…it honestly looks to me like you’re saying that it’s wrong to wear heels at all! I agree that little girls shouldn’t wear heels, but I think by the time a girl is ten she should be able to wear at least 1-inch heels. I’m 14 and kind of short and I don’t wear heels often, but this made me very angry that you made a “heel guide,” and honestly if you wear heels with jeans I don’t believe there is any shortage of modesty! No girl should wear heels with shorts or skirts or dresses above knee length, but I don’t think this guide is very accurate or helpful. And for those girls including me that wear heels, it is very judgmental and makes us seem and feel like we’re doing the wrong thing. But that’s just my opinion.
I have a pair of heels I love! I wear them whenever I wear a skirt or dress because they make it look more dressy than a pair of flip flops. And, I wear skirts and dress usually because I have a sport event that day and coaches tell us to dress up. Also, I am a short girl, and I do wear heels for extra hight, but not because I lack confidence. I just like the feel of being a little taller for a change.
I personally like wearing heels. I am 14 and the only bad part of wearing heels to me are the “click-clack”ing sound that they make. I have one pair of heeled boots that are about 2.5-3 inches high. They give me more confidence and they look elegant, not sexy. I am not one for wearing sexy clothes at all, and I think that heels are not provocative. I think that they give the self-esteem that so many of our generation’s teens lack. To me, our generation has just very provocative teens that are trying to look older, and low self-esteemed teens that need more confidence. There is a middle between these two types of personalities, but those people are hard to find where I live.
I never wore heels except my cowgirl boots until this year. I’m 17, I’ll be 18 spring this year. For homecoming, I chose to wear wedge heels that were 5 in tall. This choice was not prompted by me trying to attract attention from guys, but by the fact that they were so totally not what I’d normally wear as they were also super sparkly. It was totally for myself, and to cause a reaction from my girlfriends who accompanied me. I was dressing for the girls, and myself. My dress was very modest, and I didn’t feel the heels made it any less so. I’m not a fan of little girls wearing sexy heels. I do like short cowgirl boot heels, though, if that’s what they wantto wear.
I’m 14 and 5’11″. So I don’t really feel a need to wear heels, but I’m amazed at how young girls are wearing heels. I work in my church’s Sunday School, and I saw a girl in kindergarten/First grade wearing at least a 3+ inch heel.
I personally stick with sneakers most of the time, but I LOOOVE costumes. I usually only wear high heels when dressing up, which is rare enough to spare my feet from breaking off. I have this pair of vintage-looking high heeled boots that would finish off any pirate costume and do not look provocative at all. I own a few pairs but the one pair that’s not for costumes is the pair my mom makes me wear to fancy dinners and things like that, but she lets me keep ballet flats in my purse if they hurt my feet too much.
I wish she had chosen cuter heels for this artcle lol