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Love

I Think I’ve Found “The One”! Now What?

Ladies, when God made woman, His intention was to make a “suitable” partner for man because He didn’t want man to be alone. And so He made woman.

 

The LORD God then built up into a woman the rib
that he had taken from the man.
When he brought her to the man, the man said:
“This one, at last, is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
this one shall be called ‘woman,’
for out of ‘her man’ this one has been taken.”
That is why a man leaves his father and mother
and clings to his wife,
and the two of them become one flesh.

(Genesis 2: 22-24)

 

In a perfect world, it would be easy to find “The One,” because everyone would adhere to God’s commandments and so we wouldn’t have to search for those qualities in a person. Rather, we would search for a person who matched us in interests. Unfortunately, when sin entered the world, things changed. And as the years have progressed, things and people have changed radically. So, it’s not so easy to find The One for us.

Ladies, I recently wrote a post titled 10 Signs He’s “The One.” Some of you commented on that post with the question of what to do if you do find The One. Well, before you run out and purchase your wedding gown, STOP! There are a bunch more things you need to do to make sure you really have found The One.

Consider the following:

  1. Talk to a trusted friend. You don’t want to be blinded by your own desire to be with this guy. He may well be great for you, but getting a second or third opinion is always an eye-opener. So speak to a trusted friend, your parents and your siblings. Those who love you will want the best for you and will be honest about the guy you believe is The One. But be willing and open to hear the truth.
  2. Be sure he’s The One. Do lots of things together. Go places together and hang out with friends and family together. This is a great way to see if the two of you get along in everyday situations.
  3. Talk seriously about a future together. You know he’s The One. He thinks you’re The One. Your friends and family believe he’s The One. So talk about a future together. Determine whether your relationship will likely be leading to marriage. There’s really no point in pursuing a relationship if marriage is not the future.
  4. Talk about a life together. A real life! Don’t wait to talk about the important things like faith, children, a home, work, school for your children and so on until after you’re married. These should be discussed before. And don’t be so quick to compromise. Sure, marriage is compromise, but you’re not married yet, so you don’t have to compromise on the things that are really important to you. For example, if he wants two children but you’ve always desired a huge family—or he wants your children to go to public school and for you to work, but you want to stay home and home-school your kids—these may not be compromises you’re willing to make when the time comes. They’re huge issues that affect a marriage and could cause bitterness and resentment.
  5. Make a date. If all signs point to the perfect union between you and your “one,” then what are you waiting for? Establishing a career? A long engagement? Traveling the world? Finding yourself? Let’s be honest: If you wanted to do those things before getting married, why are you even dating now? If you want to do all these things, then do them, but be clear about your intentions and perhaps don’t get emotionally involved with anyone.

Ladies, God does have a plan for all of us. Just don’t get all anxious about it. Put it in His hands. Give your life to Him. Make Him your number one. Do what you have to do in the meantime, focusing on Him at all times, and He will make it happen in His time.

Ladies, do you believe that you’ve found The One?

Image: Lightstock

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4 Comments

  1. Speak4Elohim

    Posted by Speak4Elohim on December 5, 2014 at 23:30

    Okay, I have a question. A very difficult one. I’ve known this guy for quite some time, and I think he’s “the One”. I’ve talked to my parents, my trusted friends, and I’ve been praying like mad for God’s truth to be evident, and I really think this guy is it. There are, however, a few problems. 1. I’m 15 1/2 I mean, I will not be of courtable age until 17 at the youngest (I have no qualms with marrying young, if that is God’s purpose) so I don’t want to get too serious too quickly. 2. I live in another state. We met 1 1/2- 2 years ago in Ohio, when I was still living there. When I moved, we exchanged addresses and phone numbers, and we regularly write to one another, and we’ve had a couple phone conversations (Yeah… he’s an introvert, and I’m terrible on the phone. Not a good combination for phone calls) I mean, we’ve really gotten to know each other, our views on all the important things are the same, our lives are currently headed in the same direction, and God is first in both his life and mine. But HOW do I get to know this guy better face-to-face when I live a state away? I mean, we talked fairly often before I moved, we were in a play together, and were often at a mutual friend’s house at the same time. However, at my age, not wanting to take things too fast, I can’t really say “Hey, would you all like to come down here and spend some time with me and my family and really get to know us” without it clearly NOT being platonic. Also, my mom knows him fairly well, but he and my dad only met once (two introverts, and they were working together. Not much chit chat… 😛 ) I’ve talked to my parents, but they really don’t have any solution, or even any advice besides “keep praying” and “keep writing to each other” Do you have ANY advice at all? Any questions? Suggestions? Thanks so much!!

    • SpicePrincess

      Posted by SpicePrincess on December 9, 2014 at 10:43

      Ooo well I’m sorry these things won’t work for you D:
      I met my friend in February and I realized I liked him in mid March. ((at the time he was studying abroad in France)) I told before the month was over. Another girl he liked at the time ended up getting a boyfriend of her own and he was bummed about it and I said “well.. you know… I kind of like you too.” and it escalated from there. A few weeks later he said he was in class and realized he liked me too. BUT to answer your questions, I think it’s really important that you tell your guy. You might get the perfect moment to slip it in…or maybe you’ll have to instigate it with a “hey can we talk… I kind of like you as more than a friend.” type of thing.
      That way you guys can be on the same page, he’ll know how you feel, and hopefully you’ll know his feelings as well. You gotta be honest with the guy.
      With your parents..it’s hard to say. I think you should keep trying. Perhaps explaining to your parents that you have something extremely important to discuss and you need parental guidance along with the Lord’s.Hopefully they’ll give you some time to talk and take you a little more serious in the situation. Unfortunately all I can really do for that situation is pray for you, which I will certainly do!

    • SpicePrincess

      Posted by SpicePrincess on December 6, 2014 at 20:12

      Hi there! I just thought I’d give you a little encouragement… Now, this is just me speaking from personal experience. I’m 20 and I met a saved 22 year old guy online about 10 months ago. Since then we’ve become close and we’ve been best friends. I believe he’s the person I’m supposed to be with. He’s everything I prayed for and many things I didn’t know I needed. However, I live in Ohio and He lives in Kentucky. It’s about an hour drive between us which isn’t bad, but makes it hard to go on outtings or spend time with families because of bad timing, little or no gas/gas $ and so on. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I know what it feels like. The annoying desire to be together. You get impatient…you don’t want the relationship itself to hurry along, you just wish you could sometimes fastforward to senarios where spending time together in person is possible and probable. Yet you are also terrified. Me and my friend have been working to keep a friendship level maintained, and eventually we will be shifting into courtship mode within a year or so, I pray.

      Here’s some things we do/have done that you could try:
      -Keep in mind your age. I assume you guys are still high school age. Sometimes it’s good to wait until after starting or going through collage before pursueing a serious, committed relationship where marriage is the goal. Mostly because long courtship and engagement aren’t bad, but sometimes can lead to situations that you don’t want. Even(and sometimes especially) if it’s a long distance relationship.
      -Remembering in order, you are brother and sister in Christ, then best friends, then potential romantic companions. Focus on your friendship and becoming close in that way first and try to limit any super romantic activity. Set boundries and MAKE SURE you talk about where your relationship stands. Make sure you both understand the other’s intentions and everyone is on the same page.
      -Your family is right. Prayer does wonders. I was once told to not pray for patience in a situation, but to pray that all prioirties are straight so the impatience won’t be such a prominant issue. This has been the hardest lesson to learn and I’m still learning it. Anyway, you have to trust the the Lord knows what He’s doing and this guy could be the One forever…or just the One for now, but you have to trust that it’s all for good.
      -Involving families. I saw that you fear inviting him over due to losing the plotonic dynamic, but I think it will do the opposite. If you went on dates alone and spent time with just the two of you, that would start to cause curious thoughts and speculations. Not to mention looming temptations on you and his part. However, inviting him to hang out with your family on outtings, maybe visit your church, vice versa, or things of that nature would be a suitable way for you two to get to know each other while still staying accountable and keeping the friendship level sustained. You dont have to do this a lot, but it can be a good way to get to know each other (and each other’s families) without the stresses and stigma of the worldy dating scene. Of course, you have to do what you’re comfortable with and what God leads you .
      -Try to do long distance activities together. The internet is an amazing thing. Of course, I have no way of knowing if your friend is a user or not, but me and my friend have found fun things we can do together(that dont overstep the best friend boundry). Many times we look up movies on Google or Netflix and watch them together on our computers while we talk on the phone. Sometimes we play two-player computer games. There’s a lot of other things you can do if you just do a few google searches. Again, assuming you both can access computer and internet regularly.
      -Talking everyday. This doesn’t necessarily mean on the phone. Me and my friend text everyday and make sure we have some kind of unscheduled check-ins now and then. Not necessarily in-depth conversation or anything, just simple”how you feeling this morning?” or “hope you’re having a good day at work” messages. They can add up and mean a lot. If one or both of you aren’t into texting or messaging that’s understandable. Still, it’s a great way for shy or awkward people to communicate without the anxiety of voice to voice conversation. And if you are into internet then Skype could also be used.
      -Try to remember you are young. I have to tell myself this as well. This guy could be the one, or he could not. He could be the one for just right now. In any case, you have to remember to keep God as the main ingredient in your friendship/relationship stew, otherwise it could fall apart easily.
      I wish you luck and I pray that God will give you guys a safe, honorable way to hang out sod spend time to get to know each other. :3

      • Speak4Elohim

        Posted by Speak4Elohim on December 7, 2014 at 21:20

        Thank you so very much for the advice! A lot of this sadly will not work, as he rarely has access to internet, and the only phone in the house is their landline. We are never out where it’s just the two of us, actually. It’s been at friend’s parties, or where we’ve both been in a play, etc so that isn’t a concern. As I said before, the hardest thing is getting to know him better on a friendship level, and still getting to know one-another’s families… all while living a state away (I live in Kentucky, and he’s in Ohio) Although, one question I have is, at what point did you (or did you at all) tell this guy how you felt? I think telling him would clear up a lot of things and, if handled correctly, could lead to us, still on a friendship-only level, getting to know one another’s families better. I suppose the biggest problem for me right now is wanting my parent’s guidance, and yet my mother is indecisive (she likes the guy, she’s just not sure what to do now) and my dad is… I guess nonchalant about the whole thing. I want to sit down and have a serious conversation with my parents about what to do, and what they think and everything, but my mom shies away, and my dad won’t take the time (I’m their oldest, so they’ve never dealt with anything like this before, which is understandable…) I’m always looking for God’s guidance in everything, and how HE means it to be, and how He wants me to interact with this guy, but I also need to know my parent’s standing so that I do not step out of obedience to them… I suppose above all else, I really need a lot of prayer from all of you. 🙂